Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
Thanks man! Sorry the server is so slow. Trying to work with Envision to get it onto his server right now.
briceman "A Price Too High"
- Thread starter Brandon Rice
- Start date
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
LOL! Yeah, Norm is going to try to get a link up for me tonight. It'll be faster then. It is well worth the wait though 
Blaine
Mr. Hollywood
Brandon,
I've had a chance to watch the 11 minute version and must say that I liked it better. I can see where the shortened version suffered from having to fit the time restraint. Next time, you'll want to have a tighter script that will come closer to the target time so you won't have that problem.
The criticisms I have are the same for both versions. I just didn't "buy" the doctor. I wasn't bad acting per se, but I just didn't believe he was a psychiatrist/psychologist. I liked Agent Rodgriguez but thought he was kind of inept...perhaps not a professional "hit man."
I felt that Jennifer's "escape" in the warehouse felt a bit too passive. She nearly escaped through no effort of her own. It would have been nice if she had a greater hand in her escape than the accidental falling box. That would have possibly made her feel more guilty and better explain her saving the man who was trying to kill her.
The ending is a little ambiguous with the trashing of the file. Does it signify that he's planning on letting her go? And if so, why at this late date? Why not have the payoff when he comes to after she's saved him. He could have sent her into hiding and told his superiors that she had been killed. But that's a different story.
I looked at your script and could see right away that you would have run long on the 6 minute time limit. Figure one page per minute. A little more if it's dialogue heavy, a little less if it's action heavy. If you take care of that in the screenplay, you won't have to worry as much about cutting to length. As an added plus, you'll end up with a tighter script as you come up with more economical (time wise) ways to say the same thing.
As I said, I liked the story. You did a good job. Too bad you couldn't have entered this one. It would have ranked a bit higher.
I've had a chance to watch the 11 minute version and must say that I liked it better. I can see where the shortened version suffered from having to fit the time restraint. Next time, you'll want to have a tighter script that will come closer to the target time so you won't have that problem.
The criticisms I have are the same for both versions. I just didn't "buy" the doctor. I wasn't bad acting per se, but I just didn't believe he was a psychiatrist/psychologist. I liked Agent Rodgriguez but thought he was kind of inept...perhaps not a professional "hit man."
I felt that Jennifer's "escape" in the warehouse felt a bit too passive. She nearly escaped through no effort of her own. It would have been nice if she had a greater hand in her escape than the accidental falling box. That would have possibly made her feel more guilty and better explain her saving the man who was trying to kill her.
The ending is a little ambiguous with the trashing of the file. Does it signify that he's planning on letting her go? And if so, why at this late date? Why not have the payoff when he comes to after she's saved him. He could have sent her into hiding and told his superiors that she had been killed. But that's a different story.
I looked at your script and could see right away that you would have run long on the 6 minute time limit. Figure one page per minute. A little more if it's dialogue heavy, a little less if it's action heavy. If you take care of that in the screenplay, you won't have to worry as much about cutting to length. As an added plus, you'll end up with a tighter script as you come up with more economical (time wise) ways to say the same thing.
As I said, I liked the story. You did a good job. Too bad you couldn't have entered this one. It would have ranked a bit higher.
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
Thanks for the review Blaine! The one question you had was, what does the trashing of the file signify? Well, I believe it shows that this girl's life will never be the same. Either the hitman will kill her, or she will be locked away in a mental ward. I did not want to have a button ending here. I wanted to leave a little to the audience at the end. Thanks again for watching our film, and reviewing it! I look forward to improving for the next fest!
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
iSTy said:HHHHmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!! Just come back to view the 11min and no sound
WHAT?!!! Blaine didn't have that problem. hm... sorry, it's all good on my end. What're you using to view it?
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
ok... dang it, I hope it works for you. It's working on my end here, no problems.
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
crap! do you have aim or something, then I could directly transfer the file again to you.
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
No problem. Sorry it didn't work for ya. Anyone else seen the extended cut? Did it work?
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
Alternate Server (much faster) - Thanks to Norm (Envision) for hosting.
www.eefilm.com/brice/apthstream.wmv
www.eefilm.com/brice/apthstream.wmv
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
SOrry man, I emptied it.
iSTy
Well-known member
Thank you soooo much briceman, that was EXCELLENT!!!! so much more was explained, it bothered me that she'd run into the warehouse without making a mark on the door with her bloodstained hand, now I know why
Although that wasn't the only thing that bothered me, I didn't realise what they were until I watched the 11 min version. Everything just fell into place, and I still luved the music.
I'm really impressed with the acting of Jorge
Eventually managed to get my sound sorted (see pm). TF for system restore
IMHO you should've been higher than 21, but like I say, better than being at number 22 and you got my vote.
Although that wasn't the only thing that bothered me, I didn't realise what they were until I watched the 11 min version. Everything just fell into place, and I still luved the music.
I'm really impressed with the acting of Jorge
Eventually managed to get my sound sorted (see pm). TF for system restore
IMHO you should've been higher than 21
, but like I say, better than being at number 22 and you got my vote.
Last edited:
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
iSTy said:Thank you soooo much briceman, that was EXCELLENT!!!! so much was explained, it bothered me that she'd run into the warehouse without making a mark on the door with her bloodstained hand, now I know why
Eventually managed to get my sound sorted (see pm). TF for system restore
Glad you enjoyed it. Yeah compressing the film down did hurt it in the explanation of events. It's much more developed in the full cut. Glad you got your sound going!!