Body Farm (7 pages)

[Turnpike]

This was done for a project where no dialogue was to be used in a short film.

Let me know what you think.

-Austen.

 

[clang]

I'm not clear on the setting - is this a legal forensic body farm (in which case I'd have expected signage making that explicit), or some Unspeakable Site of Evil? If the former, then why have the bodies suddenly come to life? (The 'radioactive rain? Seems a bit unconvincing.) If the latter, why are they casually lying around where they could be seen by passers by? And again, why have they come to life? - but in this case a different reason would be dramatically required. Something more than they've just lurched into life because it's raining...

Either way, the nightwatchman is a problem dramatically in that he is merely a nightwatchman - he'd be fine in a full length movie where he'd be just the first in a long line of victims, but as the sole victim (because this is a short film) i think he'd be better if he was in some way involved with the corpses, e.g. the chief forensic researcher or the psycho killer, depending on the setting as above.

Good use of no dialogue!

 

[Turnpike]

I'm not clear on the setting - is this a legal forensic body farm (in which case I'd have expected signage making that explicit), or some Unspeakable Site of Evil?

It is a legal body farm, based off of the body farm.

I do believe I included a sign on the fence that said "No Trespassing," but I'd have to double check. It's in the first paragraph, I swear it is. It would be the first image we would see before moving over the giant fence into a long tracking shot. I contemplated whether or not using a tracking shot (whenever I plan on filming this) or just skipping right to the action.

If the former, then why have the bodies suddenly come to life? (The 'radioactive rain? Seems a bit unconvincing.) If the latter, why are they casually lying around where they could be seen by passers by? And again, why have they come to life? - but in this case a different reason would be dramatically required. Something more than they've just lurched into life because it's raining...

So, the deal with the zombies. It is, in fact, because of the rain. It's special rain, if you can believe that. Now I say "special" as in acid rain, that's radioactive.

So the story, which would be explained if longer (but I decided to opt out on not saying too much in this shorter version -- y'know, no dialogue sort of impairs such details to be conveyed) was that a chemical experiment gone horribly awry has mixed with sulfur and nitrogen compounds in the air, creating the now chemically enhanced/radioactive acid rain. The storm clouds just so happen to be covering the body farm at the time being, and it's been raining for a few days. What's a zombie film without coincidences?

With body farms, they are enclosed within (to my knowledge) wooden fences that are completely off boundaries for any and all civilians. No one is allowed to sneak inside, which is why the night watchman would be there, to make sure no one messes with the bodies. The corpses would be stashed away, in multiple areas -- some buried in the ground, some left outside in bushes, some in water (for an example, I'd recommend the episode of CSI where they deal with the body farm). This is all to test the decomposition of the human body. But not all bodies would be hidden from view. The scientists who would routinely check up on the corpses would need to have them out in the open, not seen by the public eye

For the sake of clearing up any future confusion (if anyone has any) about how a zombie was locked inside a morgue locker, here's why: the recently unburied grave was the zombie's former resting place. Since the rain has been pouring for the past few days, and the body was turned over after the rain had kicked in, the side-effects of the rain was slowing beginning. It takes a day or so for the dead to come to life, it's not instantaneous.

Either way, the nightwatchman is a problem dramatically in that he is merely a nightwatchman - he'd be fine in a full length movie where he'd be just the first in a long line of victims, but as the sole victim (because this is a short film) i think he'd be better if he was in some way involved with the corpses, e.g. the chief forensic researcher or the psycho killer, depending on the setting as above.

My reason behind using the night watchman was that I wanted someone who uses his head in the situation. I've become sick of seeing trite and cliche moments in horror films where characters (small and large) stop and think about their problems when they're being faced with them right then and there. I wanted to create a character, who instead of trying to kill the zombies off one by one, did what he felt was the most logical thing: get out of there without dying.

The night watchman is intended to be a satirical look on horror movie characters, though that's my take on it.

I never properly set down the night watchman's fate, I didn't really know if I wanted him to live or to die, but I felt that he could be a good vehicle to propel the story of the rising dead. Then of course, I'm sure the chances of the dead suddenly coming back to life would make headline news regardless.

Good use of no dialogue!

Much appreciated.

 

[clang]

Yes, but "No Trespassing" doesn't imply an official body farm, just that someone doesn't want trespassers, for any of a million reasons, including psycho mass murderers etc. I'd suggest more explicit signage, official government / law enforcement warnings, and then a 'forensic research facility' type sign on the lab, and the lab interior full of CSI-type equipment. It takes zero extra screen time, and tells the audience what they need to know - and is actually more intriguing than just a field full of corpses.

If you want radioactive rain that animates the dead (ignoring the scientific likelyhood of such a thing ) I think that can be done more elegantly, e.g. the lab is naturally full of scientific equipment, so amongst that is a gieger counter or similar, which starts detecting the weird rain, then you pan along to the oblivious guard?

I still think that a researcher/CSI guy/policeman/whatever would be a more dramatic character than just a watchman who's no different to for example the watchman at the local mall. He would fit the setting better, and be just as motivated to get the hell out of there - perhaps even more so, if he's being attacked by his own experimental subjects.

 

[thematthewbone]

i would honestly recommend putting down some of the romero films and picking up a novel. even in a screenplay the prose should have a certain rhythym.

it is okay to use a pronoun in a screenplay as well. i had to have read "the night watchmen" over one hundred times.

i honestly could not even focus on the story because every time i would get milked in, the text would pull me right back out.

it is a little disapointing too, because your response to clang was so eloquent.

you did grab my attention in parts and did a good job of a creating a rise in tension prior to opening the locker. i did not want to this to come across as a slamming i just feel that if you read this screenplay out loud you would realize some of the faults i tried to point out.

 

[Turnpike]

Yes, but "No Trespassing" doesn't imply an official body farm, just that someone doesn't want trespassers, for any of a million reasons ... I'd suggest more explicit signage, official government / law enforcement warnings, and then a 'forensic research facility' type sign on the lab, and the lab interior full of CSI-type equipment. It takes zero extra screen time, and tells the audience what they need to know - and is actually more intriguing than just a field full of corpses.

Understood. What I had intended was to create a curiosity as to why there were bodies lying everywhere in a forest, and then that would be answered by the audience realizing it's on a body farm.

I don't think most body farms actually have full on government signs, "Violators will be prosecuted," and what not with the exception of a No Trespassing sign. And even then, I think some body farms are just locked inside a gate.

including psycho mass murderers etc.

Where'd that come from?

If you want radioactive rain that animates the dead (ignoring the scientific likelyhood of such a thing )

Of course.

I think that can be done more elegantly, e.g. the lab is naturally full of scientific equipment, so amongst that is a gieger counter or similar, which starts detecting the weird rain, then you pan along to the oblivious guard?

It's plausible that the lab may have some equipment as such, but where I sat the night watchman down in was just the waiting room/reception area, like somewhere a secretary would sit. Then, of course, down the corridor would be said laboratory/morgue.

I still think that a researcher/CSI guy/policeman/whatever would be a more dramatic character than just a watchman who's no different to for example the watchman at the local mall. He would fit the setting better, and be just as motivated to get the hell out of there - perhaps even more so, if he's being attacked by his own experimental subjects.

I just don't feel the same. I mean, when I initially wrote it, I wanted the character to not be the smartest person on the block, yet he uses his head regardless. But I definitely see where you're going with the whole backfire of former experiments turning on the scientists, which would be a nice touch.

i would honestly recommend putting down some of the romero films and picking up a novel. even in a screenplay the prose should have a certain rhythym.

I understand that you didn't mean to sound criticizing, but I've read more books than I've seen horror films. As a matter of fact, I've actually never seen a single Romero zombie film. I swear, I haven't. I've seen only two actual zombie flicks (Shaun of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead [remake]).

it is okay to use a pronoun in a screenplay as well. i had to have read "the night watchmen" over one hundred times.

I try to refrain from using he/she to many times during the course of some screenplays. The only reason why I used Night Watchman so many times is because that is his only name, since I never wanted to fully address his real name. I felt no need to give him a full history since this was only intended for a short.

i honestly could not even focus on the story because every time i would get milked in, the text would pull me right back out.

Any particular examples?

it is a little disapointing too, because your response to clang was so eloquent.

Sometimes I just try to be verbose. But thanks.

you did grab my attention in parts and did a good job of a creating a rise in tension prior to opening the locker ... i just feel that if you read this screenplay out loud you would realize some of the faults i tried to point out.

Your critique is more than welcome.

-Austen.

 

[Nathan.Buxton]

First of all overall I really liked it! You have talent! I didn't miss dialogue at all.

First I'll touch on everyone elses opinions:

The nightwatchmen i believe is a good character. Lets get to him quicker. You spend too much tame saying "We track" we do this we go there... well dont say that. just dscribe what "we" see and never say we. I think a lot of the stuff you show in that opening scene can be shown to more effect when the tension is up and the nightwatchmen is making his escape.

I think the setting is fine. I got the impression from "no tresspassing." what type of place this was. IN fact why does it really matter? We end up finding out what the place holds and it's values so the fact that its government sanctioned or not is irelevent.


"The only means of escape is through that door and he knows it" Explain to me how you would film that? You can not write ANYTHING into a script that cant be filmed.

same with "theres probably 30 bodies buried.... and the nightwatchmen doesnt want to deal with them all." again unfilmable... Just use your imagination and find a way to SHOW that without having to say it.

besides a few technical downfalls it still shines through as a pretty good work.

The story itself could use a little more OOMPH bu i dont think that was the point of this excersize. Like when the guard goes into the morgue for the first time.. he SHOULDNT find the body. Everybody expects that a monster or zombie is going to jump out at him. What you need to do is open up a gap between expectation and result. Maybe the noise is coming from a handyman who is banging some nails into something or fixing something. For a moment the audience is relieved, but then through a door a zombie jumps in and devours the handyman.


This was clearly an excersize in conveying emotion without dialogue. you did pretty well. But go through it and find the parts where it would be impossible to film. You even snuck some dialogue in there " : Damn it"

overall its good... try and make the story a little less linear and expectable.. and take out some of the unfilmable description.

 

[Turnpike]

First of all overall I really liked it! You have talent! I didn't miss dialogue at all.

Thanks.

The nightwatchmen i believe is a good character. Lets get to him quicker. You spend too much tame saying "We track" we do this we go there... well dont say that. just dscribe what "we" see and never say we. I think a lot of the stuff you show in that opening scene can be shown to more effect when the tension is up and the nightwatchmen is making his escape.

The second part of the exercise was the storyboard a scene (I misinterpreted it as the whole thing), so I spent a long time drawing out tracking shots, and when I looked over it, I realized how redundant and long it dragged on. I figured I could immediately cut in on the Night Watchman. This would leave out the bodies aspect that everyone would see. Thusly leaving a sort of element of surprise as to what is to come.

"The only means of escape is through that door and he knows it" Explain to me how you would film that? You can not write ANYTHING into a script that cant be filmed.

What I had in mind would be a place where there is no conveniently located window or exit door, but only one entrance and exit. Of course I could just say "There's no windows or doors nearby with the exception of the main door: the only exit."

same with "theres probably 30 bodies buried.... and the nightwatchmen doesnt want to deal with them all." again unfilmable... Just use your imagination and find a way to SHOW that without having to say it.

This isn't intended to be shown. It's more of a physical emotion for the character. I've seen some examples (none coming to my mind at the moment) where something like this has been used.

besides a few technical downfalls it still shines through as a pretty good work.

I asked earlier, but didn't get a response. Any examples?

...Like when the guard goes into the morgue for the first time.. he SHOULDNT find the body. Everybody expects that a monster or zombie is going to jump out at him. What you need to do is open up a gap between expectation and result. Maybe the noise is coming from a handyman who is banging some nails into something or fixing something. For a moment the audience is relieved, but then through a door a zombie jumps in and devours the handyman.

That's a good idea. Thanks.

You even snuck some dialogue in there " : Damn it"

In the first draft I kept including writer interruptions. No reason behind it at all, just I suddenly wanted to start narrating the story.

 

[Nathan.Buxton]

The technical things i'm speaking of are the examples I listed of "unfilmable" words. Basically the idea you have in mind is good.. and clear. and the reader will know what you mean. But you have to realise you are writing a framework for a medium that doesnt use the words written in the description. So you have to use the words in the description to literally describe something that can be filmed but end up saying the same thing........

 

[brianluce]

I'm not clear on the setting - is this a legal forensic body farm (in which case I'd have expected signage making that explicit), or some Unspeakable Site of Evil? snipped

My thoughts too.

One thing I don't get, What is the deal with Zombie flicks!!!!!!
Why do you guys, Hollywood, everyone keep making them!

Regarding this script, I like the opening, it's pretty scary, with missing jaws and stuff.

I didn't make the connection to the radioactive rain though.

Zombie movies never make much sense to me, so even though a lot of stuff felt unmotivated, in this genre, there seems to be a "get out of jail free" card. In other words, no matter what criticism people have, you can perfectly rebut it by saying "Hey! It's a Zombie movie!"

Overall, I like the writing, there is some urgency. If you want to give it more power, tell us more about the guard, the more we know about him, the more we'll be engaged in the chase and the jeopardy you've created for him.

my 2 cents.

 

[Nathan.Buxton]

I don't think that is completely true. Knowing more about the guard wouldnt help in this because we already know whats at stake: his life. and we know that he values his life. What else do you need to know? It would be kinda sappy and silly to show that he has a nice loving family with kids... why? to set up a scene where he pleas with a zombie to spare his brains so he can be with his family?....

Zombie movies are interesting things. They are surely not your conventional movie....

 

[brianluce]

I don't think that is completely true. Knowing more about the guard wouldnt help in this because we already know whats at stake: his life. and we know that he values his life. What else do you need to know? It would be kinda sappy and silly to show that he has a nice loving family with kids... why? to set up a scene where he pleas with a zombie to spare his brains so he can be with his family?....

Zombie movies are interesting things. They are surely not your conventional movie....

Since when does character development equal sappy? That's a new one.

To illustrate why character development increases the stakes and increases tension, consider two scenarios: 1) your best friend has been in a car crash and 2) a farmer in outer Mongolia has been in a car accident. Who do you care about more?

Point is, we care more when we know more about a person or character. When you connect a character emotionally to the audience/reader whatever dramatic tension exists from the plot will be enhanced by character development.

 

[Nathan.Buxton]

Yes... empathy is required... this seems like more of a writing exercise than a full blown story concept... and its a zombie short no less. I just think that him being paid to be there and then scared for his life lets us feal for him. no need to involve backstory and biographical info.