Being introverted and shy in this industry sucks

V

Victor Nhat Nguyen

Well-known member
It's hard for someone to want to work with you when you're boring/uninteresting to be around :( It's just that conversation tires me and social anxiety made me fear that it'll be awkward whenever I talk to someone.

I guess I'm gonna have to try to fix this somehow if I want to stay in this industry. Maybe go outside some more instead of browsing filmmaking forums all day.
 
I've read your contributions and questions for the time you've been here and you seem to on top of your game. I wouldn't worry to much about being boring. Have interests and curiosity are qualities people find desirable so you're on track there. Anxiety is a tough one, all I can say there is that you are probably tougher on yourself than people around you are. One step after another...and you will get there!
 
I'm boring too and very similar to what you have said. I don't have anxiety issues but it can be hard to speak to people if I don't know them. I feel your pain!
 
Victor Nhat Nguyen said:
It's hard for someone to want to work with you when you're boring/uninteresting to be around
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Baloney. Introverts are some of the most successful people in entertainment and other businesses.

Johnny Carson - Introvert. He did not socialize. Introverts can be great entertainers. It seems counter-intuitive, but it is the case.
George Lucas - Very shy person.
Two neighbors of mine. Both shy. One very shy. Both very successful multi-millionaires that started their own companies.

Being shy has nothing to do with being successful. Don't worry about it. You don't have to be engaging to be in the business. People don't work with you because you are entertaining and glib with small talk. They work with you because you have skills and talent.
 
I feel your pain bro. I'm terrible at the networking/self-promotion aspect of this industry which, unfortunately, is apparently extremely important since so much hiring is based on word-of-mouth/reputation. In addition, the whole "selling" thing feels very cheesy/fake/phony to me ("Josh Bass productions is the BEST choice for YOU to tell YOUR story! We do it all, from blah blah to blah").

I have no advice, just letting you know there's another one out there. I am very NOT underage but last time I was drunk on set it not go well THAT'S A JOKE PEOPLE READING THIS FORUM WHEN YOU GOOGLE MY NAME.
 
Plenty of introverted filmmakers in the world. Embrace it and become that guy that people hire because he knows how to do his job ridiculously well. Your distinct advantage at this stage of your development is that you listen well and can absorb 10x as much information precisely because you aren't running your mouth about what you did or your opinions and how much you know. Your advantage later in your career will be executing your unique vision through without letting it be adulterated by ten thousand lawyers and focus-group-wielding corporates because you don't really give a damn what people think of you.

Kubrick, Malick, Lynch, Herzog, Carruth... the list goes on. Of course it can go bad, like Ed Wood, but we won't focus on that.
 
As much as I'd like to believe that shyness has nothing to do with success, I think it does. Not everything, but I think it contributes significantly. Not only in filmmaking, but in many other industries and aspects of life.

Some of the most arrogant, obnoxious people I know are getting ahead in the world in it drives me crazy.

Being able to socialise, small-talk, get on with people, be likeable is important. For every 1 successful introvert, there's probably 10 successful extroverts.
 
Have to agree. Doesn't matter how well you absorb info or how good at your job you are if people don't know you exist to hire you!

To rephrase, it will be an asset to getting you REPEAT business once you work with someone, but works against you for getting hired the first time by new/potential clients.
 
Everyone can have interesting things to talk about and social performance can be improved.

Step one is not to worry about it. You are who you are. You have made it through life to where you are. Onward and upward.

Stick with the cokes.

Get a dog, you will meet an entire new circle of friends who won't be focusing on you, instead the dog. You will have lots of stories to relate to others. Just make sure you walk the dog each day and that you understand this is a 15-year commitment you are making. Not for everyone. Depends where you live, whether you can get dog sitters when you travel etc. etc.

Browsing filmmaking forums all day definitely is part of the problem.

Some people become more comfortable by becoming active in groups like Toastmasters (I have never been to one of these so my advice here is based on 3rd party input). It might work/might not work.
 
I'm introvert, so take this from me. It's difficult, but you have to learn how to act extrovert in this business.

It's not only the social thing about actually getting jobs. That's part of it, but it's like that no matter what industry you're trying to get hired in. If you're that guy in the room who doesn't make contact with anyone, you won't get a job anywhere. It's like getting relationships, same thing.

But more than that, if you plan on creating any kind of content, you have to be able to approach that from a perspective of how interesting it'll be for other people, and that's virtually the same kind of thinking. It's all about communicating. Sending a message, listening to how it's recieved and what the response is, and following up on that. That's communication.

The good news is, this is a skill, and like all skills you can develop it and get increasingly good at it with practice. Trial & Error.

Another thing to keep in mind, and I mean this in the best possible non-derogatory way, you say you're underage so I take it you're in your late teens or around that age. This age is difficult for EVERYONE, and you have all the time in the world to develop any skill you need to make it. Even without practice and just experience, this will get easier. Practice will make it easier faster.

You can totally become that guy who people approach and who knows exactly what to say.
 
mcbob said:
Kubrick, Malick, Lynch, Herzog, Carruth... the list goes on. Of course it can go bad, like Ed Wood, but we won't focus on that.
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Well I believe you just listed famous directors. I think introversion is a great to have when you're directing. But if you want to be a grip, you need to be able to socialize and joke around with all the other grips during downtime. The gaffers is the one hiring you so if you don't have a good relationship with him, he won't call you back.
 
I think it's important to clarify terms here, too. There's a difference between being shy and being introverted, at least in Myers-Briggs terms.

Learning my Myers-Briggs type was extremely helpful as it took something that i knew but did not understand about myself and gave me tools both to understand it and to work with it: I am an introvert. I am not shy, and I am not afraid of socializing or being around people. What it means is that my energy is drained by being around people, specially if attention is focused on me, and I need to be alone to recharge my batteries. An extrovert, on the other hand, is energized by being in front of people.

My introversion is on the extreme end of the spectrum and having my batteries drained can have some pretty unpleasant consequences if ignored. That's the part that i needed tools to handle, and i have now learned to recognize the early warning signs (the "low fuel" warning, if you will, and to step away and recharge when that happens.

I worked for three years as a summer camp director, and lots of people ask me how in the world I was able to do that as such an extreme introvert. Again, it doesn't mean that I cannot do crowds; it means that I cannot do them for extended periods of time. Being a camp director wasn't that big of a challenge to my introversion because, by then, I had the terms and the tools for it. Handling announcements, leading music, leading a game or activity or morning program: none of these are outside of my abilities and all are things I enjoy doing. I just learned to recognized when i was running out of steam and that was the time at which I needed to step away even for 20-30 minutes and get some quiet time. By pacing my day properly, I had those needed times when they didn't require me handing an activity off to someone else.

Shyness and social awkwardness are very different characteristics. Social anxiety is also its own beast and may require professional assistance (a psychologist, therapist, or counselor, or in extreme cases medication). There's no shame in seeking help for that. You do what you need to do in order to function in your chosen environment.
 
Victor, I'm glad we've decided you should get a dog! I'm sure it will help with your introversion. Now the next question is do we go with a toy breed, or something bigger like a Lab or German Shepard.

I can speak from experience, pugs are great and will be popular with the ladies on set, but OTOH, they are lazy and won't give you any pushback if you want to surf message boards all day.

Actually, I think a nice French Bulldog will be what you need to break the ice.

Also, some tattoos. For you that is, not your new dog.
 
:2vrolijk_08::Drogar-BigGrin(DBG):cheesy::nads::love4::Drogar-Happy(DBG)::Drogar-Happy(DBG)::happy::engel017::tongue::D:smile::thumbsup::evil::Drogar-Vampire(DBG):grin::):laugh::cool:
 
Victor Nhat Nguyen said:
I guess I'm gonna have to try to fix this somehow...
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Don't be daft -- this isn't something you can fix. Or that needs to be fixed. That's like saying you've got to figure out how to fix being short or tall, male or female, or any nationality you can name.

You've got to figure out who you are, then figure out how to make it work for you. Same thing everyone has to go through. Quick first step for you might be to buy a copy of Susan Cain's book Quiet. Read it. Learn from it. And know you aren't the only one.

Personally, I'd rather work with an introvert than an extravert any day. The introverts do the work, while the extraverts stand around and talk. :laugh:
 
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