"Basement Story" - wcs

I liked this story a lot. I generally am not a big bastard about technical things, but in this case, really good, professional sound would have made this about 1000 times better. I say that because good sound would have give me a much more intimate connection with her and what was happening.

Also, sorry I keep coming back to this over and over again in so many shorts, but I think the music hurt more than it helped here. It was just kind of overbearing and did not really seem connected to what was happening in the story. It was making it harder to concentrate on the words.

But nice story, I liked the story a lot.
 
wcs said:
What did you guys think of the lead actress's performance?
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You know, I totally forgot to comment on that, didn't I?

I thought that she gave a very believable and sincere performance. She must be pretty seasoned. It is a lot to ask of an actor to hold the scene and command the screen on their own. I know... I was blessed with an actress with the same talent level.

She did great!

-Ted
 
Mark Harris said:
It was just kind of overbearing and did not really seem connected to what was happening in the story. It was making it harder to concentrate on the words.
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There are two moments where I would agree the music was a little detached (the second and third music cues). They were written around 4pm Sunday, and I didn't love them but I thought it needed them. I left them in because I thought it'd be too uneven to go so long without music. When the next purposeful cue came in (the window scene), people might be pulled out. Might have been wrong.

Thanks for the criticism.
 
I want so much to say something about this movie but for the life of me, I can't right now. After watching it twice, I had to go back and read what others have said. I've got to say, I feel a little dumb right now as others seem to understand what's going on and I'm just not getting it. UNLESS, that whole basement thing was just going on in her head and the knocking we hear is him interrupting her wish (dream) to get him more in touch with his feelings through her "movie challenge."

On the lighter side, I can only imagine what hell that must have been to sit through:
The English Patient, Steel Magnolias, Bridges of Madison County, Terms of Endearment, Out of Africa, Beaches, Moonstruck, Mermaids, Sense and Sensibility, AND Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood back-to-back. That would have broken the strongest man. :eek:
 
Blaine,
Oh wow, you must think she is a sadist! I don't think anyone could survive that sequence with their mind intact.

And I see now what people meant by the story being confusing. I didn't know that people weren't getting the ending.

Nevertheless you're correct, and I give everyone permission to return and express their disappointment now if they need to.
 
All the images look a little scrunched (from left to right) though.
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Just a comment on this. There's something odd going on depending on the player. I realized a minute ago that some players don't respect the aspect ratio override, so it'll sometimes show up at 3:2 instead of 16:9.

I'll make a mental note, square pixels are safer than 1.2
 
I'm not usually a bumper, but this will be my last post in this thread unless anyone has any questions or further comments. I wanted to note that I've updated the first post with a detailed description of how the short was made.

I'd like to thank everyone who's commented. The prizes are nice, but the criticisms are the real heart of what makes these fest worth entering. The last short I'd made was two years ago for Sci-Fest, and I went back and reread those comments a couple times before making this entry.
 
wcs said:
....The last short I'd made was two years ago for Sci-Fest, and I went back and reread those comments a couple times before making this entry.
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Did you feel that you improved in areas that you received criticism on? I wasn't "alive" when Sci-fest took place so I didn't see your film.

I do love the whole process of making the film, sharing it, receiving the critique and implementing the lessons learned.

I am curious in what areas you grew and bettered your craft.

-Ted
 
I think mostly it was that a scene can have beauty on it's own, but it also must consciously contribute to the movie as a whole. It has to say something important about the character or advance the plot, or the audience will lose faith in your abilities as a storyteller.

(edit: Just want to note that I highly recommend David Mamet's On Directing Film - he expounds upon this idea and many other screenwriting questions in that book)

Here's one of the SciFest posts that summarized the main failings of that short:
Unfortunately, it's rather hard to follow because more time is spent on those meditations than on demonstrating the story's through-line. It's also very difficult to invest in, because there isn't a character who's likable enough to care for....

Again, the dialogue certainly has a style, and there was a lot of thought put into it, but a little more clarity/time spent in the simple details of storytelling would even out the experience.
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In my last short I basically bludgeoned them with the plot points without any sense of restraint or pacing. I thought I was just making something more 'arty' or 'intelligent', but in reality I was just making something sloppy. I don't think I got it completely right this time, but if I got two minutes right in this one I improved.

My goal was saying as much as possible with as little as possible - and saying only what needed to be said, and no more. My incessant need to make a joke popped its head in, but otherwise I was trying to play it simple with the story, lighting, editing, dialogue, framing, music.

Based on the replies I think there's still work to be done, though. Audio and cinematography (especially coverage) are still big weaknesses of mine, and based on the responses people still didn't get engaged as much as I'd hoped.
 
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Hey. Didn't find the story to be all that confusing. I'll agree with some of the other comments about the music and the sound. Also, I think the lighting could be a bit more distinct. I found it to be a bit muddy at parts. It's kinda hard when working almost exclusively with tans, brown, and whites. I think that and some color correction will make a big difference on your next project. Oh, and I thought the actress did a subtle and suitable job with her performance. Good entry!
 
Thanks for sharing that! Seriously.

wcs said:
... It has to say something important about the character or advance the plot, or the audience will lose faith in your abilities as a storyteller.
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Storytelling seems to be one of the most difficult things about filmmaking.

I know that I fall in love with shots and want to use them... even if it doesn't propel the story line. This is a great lesson that you are sharing.

I feel that you achieved in what you set forth to do. You focused on your story and telling it. And you did so with little action and words. Bravo.

There are always things to work on... that's why we are here and not at Sundance!

Good luck on your future projects! I really enjoyed your work here.

Best,

Ted
 
This was an interesting film. The female lead was pretty engaging. I found her character unique also. I mean what kind of person would force a DVD marathon on their significant other to prove a point? She's a talented actress.

Cool twist at the end. Nice one.
 
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