"AWAKE" dvx user premiere, first 1.5min

I've gotta thank you all for your very informative feedback. I have already started undergoing some pretty extensive audio chages. I am bringing in more of the original audio from the shoot in order to dirty it up. I think I was just a little to anal before about how it didn't sound "clean" enough. I am also adding more ambience, including the biggest change of all. The scene were John walks through the door, and then it cuts to the house, while his wife is making coffee and reading the paper. I just felt that there wasn't enough happening here, as far as audio, and obviously you guys pointed that out as well. So, tonight, while working on the audio, I remembered that "casey" the music guy is a radio DJ at the School radio station, so I asked him what he thought about getting one of the local bands, and creating a fake radio broadcast as if the "wife" is listening to the radio while drinking her coffee and reading the newspaper. I put in some temporary audio, Strawberry fields (which would be really cool to get the rights to) but would never happen even if this was a hollywood movie (I think Michael Jackson owns the rights to that song). Anyway, I start it while the scene is still on John, and it fades in with lots of reverb, and then cuts to a tiny radio sound, but when John starts his hallucination again, it starts to get all wierd and funky again. I think this really helps to get the distraction away from the audio imperfections, and I have to accredit this change to all of this feedback I have been getting. Thank you all so much for everything you have said. I wish it was better, I wish I was a better writer and director, but the only way to learn is to do, so I thank you all for so graciously pointing out my flaws. I really do appreciate it.
 
Scharky,

First off, I'd like to thank you for sharing this film with us...the time you put into it was very evident, and the passion you have was felt through the entire film.

Overall, I was completely intoxicated with "Awake", and I think that the visuals and craftsmanship are definitely on par with many of the professional productions out there. You have a very distinct visual eye, as many of these images would make wonderful stills. This is absolutely your greatest strength, from your camera set-ups, to the wonderful choice of colors, this is a FANTASTIC looking film. Never once did I think I was looking at "video".

The story wasn't very strong. By keeping things abstract as you do, we don't connect with the character as we should. Why should I care for him? The symbolism in the film is strong, but again, it is the visuals that really triumph over the written material. Maybe it looked so good that it distracted me from getting involved with the story. Emotionally, I found the film cold. I found myself indifferent to John.

The acting hurt the film. Sometimes amateurish acting can be forgotten, but when I am looking at a film that looks this FANTASTIC, with strong editing, strong sound (don't care what anyone says) and overall a solid A+ effort, the acting just pulls me out of the film. And specifically I am speaking of The Wife and The Husband. Neither have any business in this film. If you want to be a director and not just a cinematographer, you are going to have to notice things like this. Rehearse with them, do as many takes as you need to, but don't just settle for this kind of acting. Afterall, if the camera was out of focus, you wouldn't just settle for getting the shot, however bad it may look.

That being said, I though that your actor playing John did a good enough job. Like I said, I didn't really identify with him or care for him, but I thought his rather indifferent attitude played well for the dream scenes. If he had expressed more emotion, be it sadness, anger or fear...something...maybe I would have connected with the story more.

But, do not think for a minute that you wasted your time. I am personally going to purchase the DVD from you, and I am definitely going to watch "Awake" many more times. It is inspiring to see such a well crafted short film on here, and you'll definitely be getting a lot of attention at the festivals. Good job Scharky! Good job. :thumbup:
 
Thanks fourstar for the review. I am curious, and anyone feel free to answer, what is the weakest part of the performances. Is it the dialog? their actions, facial movements? are there specific characteristics that make the perforamce bad? Is Johns performance good becasue he doesn't have any lines? :)
I am a cinemetographer at heart, although I havn't discounted directing, but I know I have a long way to go. But if you guys could help me out and let me know what to look at, as far as what is not good about the performances I would really appreciate it. It is hard for me to look at it, because at this point, I am completely numb to the film. I don't think it's good, I don't think it's bad, I've just been working on it for so long, that it is just a, well, thing to me. I know that sounds bad, but I seriously have a hard time seeing the good and bad of this film. Does this happen to the rest of you. you work on a project for so long that it no longer has meaning to you? Just curious, as always, and looking to learn.

Thanks again.
 
scharky said:
I am curious, and anyone feel free to answer, what is the weakest part of the performances. Is it the dialog? their actions, facial movements? are there specific characteristics that make the perforamce bad? Is Johns performance good becasue he doesn't have any lines? :) I am a cinemetographer at heart, although I havn't discounted directing, but I know I have a long way to go. But if you guys could help me out and let me know what to look at, as far as what is not good about the performances I would really appreciate it.
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Ok, well you did ask so I'll take a stab at explaining some of the things bothered me... Trying to be constructive here of course so bear in mind the written word has no inflection in it and can sound mean when it's not meant to. I've only directed one short film myself so it's not like I have this enormous experienced background myself. But personally, I think the greatest actors are those who believably react to the situations they find themselves in, either in the delivery of their lines and/or their body language (best examples of these kinds of actors for me are Gene Hackman, Jack Lemon & Morgan Freeman).

After reading some of your comments in the thread, I give your actor, John, a lot of credit. I mean standing in that field in the freezing cold barefoot? Moving that slowly, for that amount of time? Damn... He should get an award for something! Is there a trooper award? :laugh:

But the things that stood out in his performance was his lack of genuine emotion. He was best when he was expressionless because when he tried to express an emotion, it felt contrived and predetermined. I'll use the hospital room scene with the faceless people as an example to highlight what I bothered me throughout (performance wise).

From the emotional side, it felt like John knew in advance he was supposed have a shocked expression at what he was about to see, rather than just getting into the truth of the moment and truly feel and express being shocked. If he truly felt shocked, the audience would feel shocked with him.

For the physical stuff, when he fell out of the bed, the movement wasn't genuine. It felt as though he was planning on falling in just that spot and was going to hold still until the director said "cut". If in real life, I saw what he saw, true panic would be painted all over my face. I'd scurry away as fast and violently as possible from what I perceived as a danger to myself without a care for the minor pain I'd receive for falling out of that bed. I'd choose speed over safety. When John fell out of that bed his arms were positioned for a fall he knew in advance was coming (whereas someone who was really fleeing would position themselves to hit the ground running, not preparing for a painful fall).

Dialogue-wise, I think some of the script lines could have been more believable (which can lend itself to a lesser actor falling short of a truthful emotional beat). When his wife (and i didn't know it was his wife) and his brother were driving him to the hospital, she said "hold on john". A line like that is kind of on the predictable side. I felt like I was expecting her to say that. From personal experience, when writing a scene like that, I like keep in mind what the character should already know about the situation to arrive at a truthful piece of dialogue for that character in that moment.
For example, since the wife tried to get John to talk in the house earlier but got no response. When he starts coughing in the car it's the only sound he uttered in her presence so far so it might have been more believable if she had said something like: "John, can you speak? Tell me what's wrong, are you in pain?")

The female actor in particular sounded like she was reciting lines, not speaking out of genuine fear or concern for a family member. She lacked intensity for what should have been a tense moment. This could also be a result of ADR though. It's not easy for an actor to get into an emotional moment (especially if they're not experienced) when they're concentrating on timing their dialogue to match pre-determined mouth movement, etc. That's tough enough to do without acting on top of it. (hell, I can't do it!)

It is hard for me to look at it, because at this point, I am completely numb to the film. I don't think it's good, I don't think it's bad, I've just been working on it for so long, that it is just a, well, thing to me. I know that sounds bad, but I seriously have a hard time seeing the good and bad of this film. Does this happen to the rest of you. you work on a project for so long that it no longer has meaning to you?
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Hell yes it does. I think it happens to just about everyone at some point. This is what feedback is for though. Best way to get around that is to walk away from the project for a long enough while. (I'm talking like a month). Easier to come back to it with a fresh perspective that way.

Again, Kudos man. This is a fantastic piece of work and you should be very proud of it. I hope my next flik comes out half as well. I hope these comments helped in some way?

All my best- :beer:
 
Well, I have some bad news, I guess it's bad. I had to take the link down, I got over 10GB of downloads in 3 days, luckily it was the end of the month, but I am already up to 3GB for this month, and it is only the second. I guess that is a good and bad thing, but I definatly wasn't expecting this kind of response. Thank you all that responded, I still have the private link available so, if you sent me a PM, but havn't downloaded it yet, that is still available, but I need to keep my site up this month, so I had to take the private one down. I have been doing a lot of audio work, so i appreciate the feedback.

Thanks again everybody
 
Oh and story teller, thank you for the response as well. Don't worry, you weren't too harsh, and I appreciate the tips. When I do my next film, I will definatly enlist the talents of better writers, and possibly a better director, and will try to get some professional actors as well, and be a little more pickey during the auditioning phase. Thanks for your help.
 
scharky said:
Oh and story teller, thank you for the response as well. Don't worry, you weren't too harsh, and I appreciate the tips. When I do my next film, I will definatly enlist the talents of better writers, and possibly a better director, and will try to get some professional actors as well, and be a little more pickey during the auditioning phase. Thanks for your help.
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Man, if you don't practice you will never improve.
Don't worry too much at it. I think you can direct very well.
 
araujofh said:
Man, if you don't practice you will never improve.
Don't worry too much at it. I think you can direct very well.
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I totally agree. You have plenty of talent as both a writer and director. The foundation is there...just be more demanding of your actors...look for natural performers...tighten up your stories a bit and give us a reason to care for the characters. "Awake" is already a very successful effort from you as the primary creative force...don't take a back seat and try to interpret sombody else's vision. I can't wait to see what else you'll do next, and that is surely a sign that you did very well. Don't let any of this constructive criticism discourage you. Keep on doing what you do, and you'll only get better and better.
 
Top stuff scharky. Shame I've missed the chance of watching the whole film, but hopefully it will be available once you've put it into a few festivals.

The coloring looks awesome, really like the look and feel you have in the opening sequence, and like many others have said the transition of titles into live footage through the alarm clock just oozes class.

Good luck with your festivals and if the link comes back up I would love to see the rest of the film.
 
Scharky, I finally watched it and the film looks amazing. I think the dream sequences are perfect. Really surreal and tripped out stuff.

I have similar ADR issues. Just as a suggestion you might even want to cut out sound at certain points. Maybe sound from John's perspective in that he can't hear her at all at certain points.

I also think your edits could use some tightening. A couple points a shot will linger too long and it disrupts the flow. The scene when the wife takes him out of the house needs to be shortened. I don't think you even need the door opening. Just cut to her walking him on the pavement. Besides, in a dream nothing is ever continuous the way you presented that house departure sequence. More can be cut out of the brother arriving as well. I felt the arrival dragged and disrupted the flow of things.

EDIT: Just watched that car sequence again, and you have doors opening, closeup on keys, wheels screetching, closeup on odometer. It doesn't feel essential to the rest of the film and I would trim a lot of it out. Less is more.

Other than tightening the flow and some sound work it's excellent work.:thumbsup:
 
Scharky, I just watched it and I am blown away. This is the best looking DV film I have seen to date. I couldn't believe it. I can't tell if it's simply the way you shot it or the great compression with the codec you used or both. Beautiful.

I loved your craftsmanship, effects (Glass cage w/ cat was brilliant), stop motion stuff, etc. The bar has been officially raised.

My only gripes are the difficult to read credits and you misspelled this site: dvxuser.cor instead of dvxuser.com

Minor improvements: The acting could use work but it wasn't that distracting. I felt this was a visual piece first and foremost w/ sparse dialog. Most of the story happend w/ the visuals for me. I thought the sound was great. What mic did you use? I notice nice depth of field touches. Are you using a 35mm adapter? The coloring was terrific. Did you use magic bullet or did you do this by hand?

Great job. Good luck with this!
 
Stefan/Scharky, I loved your film and was glad to see you exploring a somewhat unusual theme like mental illness. Anyhow, here are a few things that occurred to me after viewing "Awake" (the full version) a few times.

About the "lack-of-a-story/ too-little-dialog" comments that others have made: I know why some viewers are frustrated, even if they (like me) love your short. But I suspect that, after so much attention to detail and effort spent to make "Awake," it was not by chance that you ended up with little dialog. As you've said, the film is very visually oriented. My guess is that you deliberately used dialog sparingly. And that's fine. I'd like to encourage you to follow your own instincts as to what to include and where to take the film.

Filmmakers usually make the films that they can, not necessarily the films that they want. I mean that your own particular style of filmmaking is more a result of who you are than who you wish to be. And with "Awake," you've done an excellent job of showing who you are: a great visual storyteller.

You simply may not be a dialog person. Which is fine. (Of course, only you know whether you are or are not a dialog person.) If you are, in fact, a VISUAL storyteller more than a dialog person, then you might want to focus on improving what you do naturally well rather than trying to go off in directions that you don't feel comfortable with.

Okay, some more concrete observations/suggestions: Apart from the audio problems (technically easy to correct next time, if not this time) that others have mentioned, my only major complaint/suggestion would be to expand on what you've started. I'd like to see more visual storytelling (that is, say, 20 minutes or 30 minutes or whatever). I'd like to learn more about these characters. What led up to the mental illness? How did John's character go from a hospital patient to a homeless drifter? Did his wife/brother (if they were not imagined) view him as an unwanted burden? Or did they just realize there was nothing they could do to help? Questions like these could be answered with little or no dialog, if that's your style (and I think it is).

When I do my next film, I will definatly enlist the talents of better writers, and possibly a better director, and will try to get some professional actors as well, and be a little more pickey during the auditioning phase.
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Wait a minute, Scharky! Instead of saying to yourself, "Well, many folks seem to think I need more/ different dialog. Maybe I need to work on dialog" you might ask yourself, "Well, could I find a non-dialog way of conveying my ideas/ visions about this film?" "Can I, through my own particular style of storytelling, satisfy these viewers who say I'm lacking in story?" (Of course, not caring about what the audience thinks is also an interesting filmmaking perspective, but it's kind of hard to keep up as a lifelong occupation.) I guess I'm trying to say that only you can know where you want to go and how to get there. Have faith in yourself! Don't give up writing/directing!

Instead, think of some writer/directors who do what you do. I can, off the top of my head, think of a few filmmakers that have succeeded -- financially and critically -- in making films with very little dialog. The best example of this (at least the best example that I know of) is the writer/director Kim Ki-dok. If you haven't already seen it, you might want to take a look at his film "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring." It isn't boring or pretentious for a second, even though there is virtually no dialog for 90 minutes. Carefully watching films like that might give you some inspiration as to how to craft a film without much dialog. Your filmmaking style reminds me of "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring."

Keep doing what you're doing! Bravo!
 
The answer isn't necessarily more/different dialogue. Usually in film the advice is to cut down on the dialogue. Michael Hauge teaches a screenwriting class and he says that whenever someone asks for critique, his first response is something like "cut the dialogue in half." Now, he feels safe saying this even if he hasn't read the script! And he says he's right 99% of the time.

Think about "The Road Warrior" -- IINM, Mel Gibson has something like five lines in the entire film.

You need a strong story, and strong storytelling, but that doesn't necessarily mean dialogue... it means a beginning/middle/end, a quest, characters that we buy into and we see their desires and want to see them accomplish it... dialogue is just one tool to use to portray that (and it's a frequently very-overused one).
 
Barry_Green said:
The answer isn't necessarily more/different dialogue. Usually in film the advice is to cut down on the dialogue. Michael Hauge teaches a screenwriting class and he says that whenever someone asks for critique, his first response is something like "cut the dialogue in half." Now, he feels safe saying this even if he hasn't read the script! And he says he's right 99% of the time.

Think about "The Road Warrior" -- IINM, Mel Gibson has something like five lines in the entire film.

You need a strong story, and strong storytelling, but that doesn't necessarily mean dialogue... it means a beginning/middle/end, a quest, characters that we buy into and we see their desires and want to see them accomplish it... dialogue is just one tool to use to portray that (and it's a frequently very-overused one).
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Yes, totally agree with you Barry. But writing is a hell of a nightmare.
 
Well, that's where teamwork comes in. For some it's a nightmare... for others it's what they live for. For them, it's "a hell of a nightmare" to *not* be writing! :)
 
Barry_Green said:
Well, that's where teamwork comes in. For some it's a nightmare... for others it's what they live for. For them, it's "a hell of a nightmare" to *not* be writing! :)
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Couldn't agree more.
 
Scharky,
By NO means should you opt to bring in "another" director on your next project. You've got a great eye and you shouldn't hand the reigns of your projects to anyone else. In my "day job" world, other artists trying to get into my field show me their portfolio's and ask for critiques along with tips & suggestions of how to improve their work (as if I have some secret answer to it all, BWAH! HAHAHAAAA! Silly artists.. if they knew me better they wouldn't bother, lol...) ...ahem... but I digress-
Long story shorter, whenever someone asks me how to "improve their creative craft", I simply quote Chuck Jones (the originating animator of Looney Toons). He once said: "You've got a hundred thousand bad drawings in you. It's best to get them out as fast as possible." Simple translation is practice makes perfect. Seems to me the same solution applies for any creative discipline.

You've got a great eye scharky. Write more stories. Have other people give you feedback on those stories before you shoot them. Make sure they get from your story what you want them to. Then shoot it. Even the best script writers and directors in the world have producers reviewing it before it gets shot. And just to be sure I'm being clear here: DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP ON DIRECTING. YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THAT. Get it?

Cheers-
 
WEll, I have to thank everyone for their feedback, and encouragement. I have passed my 50 view limit, actually I'm at about 70 views, when I woke up today, there were a few more nice messages that were asking me to see the film, so I had a softspot and sent them the link as well, and Spidey, that includes you as well :)
I still have plans on directing, and appreciate you guys supporting me in my efforts. It is nice to work with other talented directors, and writers, so that I may learn from them as well, that was kind of what I meant by letting someone else direct next time. But I do understand what you were saying, and appreciate it greatly.
I hope to have the DVD finished by the end of this month, and will give you DVXusers a great price. Thanks again for all of your responses.
 
Hi Stefan, Thanx for letting me watch Awake today. I was looking forward to it after you showed early material some months ago. I watched it a couple of times to share my thoughts.

Awake has a lot of great cinematography and color correction. You have gives us all a new standard for using the DVX100. Who needs a HVX200? ;-) Also the audio is very powerful and supportive, although in the final scenes the soundtrack is a bit dull with the ongoing strings. Perhaps it's the slow pacing you used in the final scenes that make me feel that.

The story is original but not very strong in execution. A lot can be done with the idea of mixed up reality's or dreams. It seems a lot of hard work was been put into the dream sequences (which look very good, but got a bit repetitive) and the movie is leaning too much on them. I think moviemaking is about telling a story. And storytelling needs proper acting, which is good with the main guy, but the girl is showing she's not very experienced.
[I'm working on a short movie (adapted from a short bookstory) together with a professional textwriter; my god, this man is tweaking every line of dialog, word for word. And every part of the interaction of the two actors. It takes a lot of time, but it's worth doing that.]

Anyway, I think Awake is a very very nice production worth to be seen at festivals. You guys did a good job and must have learned a lot from it. Use those experiences for your next project.

Thanks again for letting me see Awake.
 
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