Autonomous
- Thread starter krestofre
- Start date
alex whitmer
Veteran
Glad you made it!
Log a bit confusing ... is the robot on trial for murder, or was the robot murdered?
aw
Log a bit confusing ... is the robot on trial for murder, or was the robot murdered?
aw
Russell Moore
Well-known member
Glad you made it Chris. I really liked your first scriptfest entry. I'm looking forward to reading this.
krestofre
Knight of the Holy Order
Thanks for keeping me honest, Alex. See if you like the updated logline better.
Thanks! I'm a little less sure about this one because I didn't have the opportunity to put it through the vetting process as much as I would have liked to. I had the idea for this script since day one of Scriptfest II and literally couldn't figure out a way to tackle it in six pages until Sunday morning. So, with that I hope that it stands reasonably well and I don't spend this entire thread apologizing for it.
I really liked the premise as the story began to grow. The problem I had was I wasnt clearly sure of who the protagonist was until late in the piece, I didnt feel close to anyone really until I saw the final scene. These are just my feelings so take it as merely opinion anyway.
I thought the final outcome was great, the damned lawyer facing off against the child of his victim.
A questions that came to me as I read through. Why is a detective cleaning out a dead robots apartment? If the robot was human would the blow have killed him/her in the first place? - as the discussion between Stein and Anderson centered around the morality of what happened but not on the humanity. Initially I felt for STUART because of the Robots comments on his education etc. Which made me look at that human vs machine dilemma.
As I said just notes I made and merely subjective opinion, I have a habit of overthinking, so take that into account as well. This often causes me issues when I write - maybe I should have that as a warm up statement before I give feedback. Dribble from my brain coming your way
I thought the final outcome was great, the damned lawyer facing off against the child of his victim.
A questions that came to me as I read through. Why is a detective cleaning out a dead robots apartment? If the robot was human would the blow have killed him/her in the first place? - as the discussion between Stein and Anderson centered around the morality of what happened but not on the humanity. Initially I felt for STUART because of the Robots comments on his education etc. Which made me look at that human vs machine dilemma.
As I said just notes I made and merely subjective opinion, I have a habit of overthinking, so take that into account as well. This often causes me issues when I write - maybe I should have that as a warm up statement before I give feedback. Dribble from my brain coming your way
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Captain Pierce
Veteran
krestofre,
It's an interesting concept, and you bring up some interesting ideas in the script, but I felt it could have used a little more fleshing out in a couple of areas. One is Judge Anderson's motivations. I didn't understand why she totally ignored Stuart's objections in the first scene; that, combined with the actions she's apparently taken that lead to the final scene, make me wonder if she's had some agenda all along that could have been hinted at. The other is how society has gotten to this place. SPOILERS AHEAD: I can easily see how we could get to a point where the only way to guarantee a fair trial for everyone, given the huge discrepancy between the court-appointed public defenders most court defendants have to settle for and the high-ticket Johnny Cochrane types that the rich can afford, is to mandate that everyone accused of a crime is defended by the most impartial defense attorney possible, a robot; but then the final scene suggests that this isn't the case either, since Stuart is defended by a human.
Also, the comments about Stuart's education seem out of place for a robot, and honestly I wouldn't think a human lawyer would get away with that sort of snide remark about opposing counsel in a modern-day courtroom (or, at least, I hope not ).
Again, an interesting concept; if I may, it reminds me of a couple of classic Star Trek: TNG episodes, "Measure of a Man" and... oh, hell, I forgot the title, but the one where Data builds a "daughter." (They're gonna take back my Trekkie license for sure now.
) Neither of the things I mentioned was a fatal flaw, in my opinion, just something that could have added to the impact given that you came in even shorter than me.
It's an interesting concept, and you bring up some interesting ideas in the script, but I felt it could have used a little more fleshing out in a couple of areas. One is Judge Anderson's motivations. I didn't understand why she totally ignored Stuart's objections in the first scene; that, combined with the actions she's apparently taken that lead to the final scene, make me wonder if she's had some agenda all along that could have been hinted at. The other is how society has gotten to this place. SPOILERS AHEAD: I can easily see how we could get to a point where the only way to guarantee a fair trial for everyone, given the huge discrepancy between the court-appointed public defenders most court defendants have to settle for and the high-ticket Johnny Cochrane types that the rich can afford, is to mandate that everyone accused of a crime is defended by the most impartial defense attorney possible, a robot; but then the final scene suggests that this isn't the case either, since Stuart is defended by a human.
Also, the comments about Stuart's education seem out of place for a robot, and honestly I wouldn't think a human lawyer would get away with that sort of snide remark about opposing counsel in a modern-day courtroom (or, at least, I hope not
).Again, an interesting concept; if I may, it reminds me of a couple of classic Star Trek: TNG episodes, "Measure of a Man" and... oh, hell, I forgot the title, but the one where Data builds a "daughter." (They're gonna take back my Trekkie license for sure now.
) Neither of the things I mentioned was a fatal flaw, in my opinion, just something that could have added to the impact given that you came in even shorter than me. 
krestofre
Knight of the Holy Order
Thanks for the feedback guys! I'm glad that the responses have been pretty positive. Specific replies below:
The idea of the cleaning out the apartment is that since robots don't have families, any case where the robot is destroyed it falls to someone else to clean the space up and get the residence back on the market. There's some backstory stuff in my mind about this that would be really interesting in terms of story: overpopulation, the fact that robots are allowed to own property in addition to humans floods the market, hence tiny apartment on a lawyer's salary. Now, why would the detective be the one to clean it out. Yeah, you got me. I needed the detective there for dramatic reasons. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
I'm glad that the protagonist of the story is a little unclear to you. There's a lot of ambiguity to the issues being discussed. Feeling sorry for Stuart is every bit as reasonable of a reaction as cheering for DR-8842.
As far as the blow not being fatal to a human, I'm not sure I understand that point. The robot was destroyed. If someone kills an elderly person they can't say "But that blow wouldn't have killed a twenty-year old." Maybe I'm just not understanding your point.
If you were on trial for murdering a robot, would you want a robot defense attorney or would you hire someone else?
True ... makes you wonder about Judge Anderson, doesn't it?
I hadn't made that connection until you just mentioned it. I'd say that the concepts are rooted a little deeper than that. Probably all current robot writing can be traced back to Asimov in some way, shape, or form.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you liked the script.
Noel Evans said:
The idea of the cleaning out the apartment is that since robots don't have families, any case where the robot is destroyed it falls to someone else to clean the space up and get the residence back on the market. There's some backstory stuff in my mind about this that would be really interesting in terms of story: overpopulation, the fact that robots are allowed to own property in addition to humans floods the market, hence tiny apartment on a lawyer's salary. Now, why would the detective be the one to clean it out. Yeah, you got me. I needed the detective there for dramatic reasons. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
I'm glad that the protagonist of the story is a little unclear to you. There's a lot of ambiguity to the issues being discussed. Feeling sorry for Stuart is every bit as reasonable of a reaction as cheering for DR-8842.
As far as the blow not being fatal to a human, I'm not sure I understand that point. The robot was destroyed. If someone kills an elderly person they can't say "But that blow wouldn't have killed a twenty-year old." Maybe I'm just not understanding your point.
Captain Pierce said:
If you were on trial for murdering a robot, would you want a robot defense attorney or would you hire someone else?
Captain Pierce said:
True ... makes you wonder about Judge Anderson, doesn't it?
Captain Pierce said:
I hadn't made that connection until you just mentioned it. I'd say that the concepts are rooted a little deeper than that. Probably all current robot writing can be traced back to Asimov in some way, shape, or form.
STYLZ said:
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you liked the script.
Russell Moore
Well-known member
You brought up some thought provoking ideas. The idea that we are letting them own property and have jobs and judging from the comment made by 8841 they have personality. So this brings up the idea of equal rights, something we seem to be struggling with through our history. Good stuff.
Even though I thought the snide remark was a little out of place, it was still funny, especially coming from a robot. (obviously Judge Andersen is a robot sympathizer) I did feel a little for Stuart at that point though.
I thought it really odd that a Judge would go to clean out anybody's apartment. But maybe the Judge had something going on the side with 8841, you know what they say, "Once you go bot, you just can't stop."
After reading what you replied about having to clean out a robot's apartment, it makes me think they would have a special unit devoted to that task, but I see why you needed those characters to be there for the story.
I wasn't expecting them to find another robot and when they did. It brought some real emotion into the story for me. Really good turn of events. I liked how it ends with 8842 on the case.
Overall I really enjoyed the script. I think you brought up some good ideas and it had a nice dose of genuine emotion in it too. Very good!
Even though I thought the snide remark was a little out of place, it was still funny, especially coming from a robot. (obviously Judge Andersen is a robot sympathizer) I did feel a little for Stuart at that point though.
I thought it really odd that a Judge would go to clean out anybody's apartment. But maybe the Judge had something going on the side with 8841, you know what they say, "Once you go bot, you just can't stop."
After reading what you replied about having to clean out a robot's apartment, it makes me think they would have a special unit devoted to that task, but I see why you needed those characters to be there for the story.
I wasn't expecting them to find another robot and when they did. It brought some real emotion into the story for me. Really good turn of events. I liked how it ends with 8842 on the case.
Overall I really enjoyed the script. I think you brought up some good ideas and it had a nice dose of genuine emotion in it too. Very good!
MiataFilmSomething
Well-known member
Good read. I'm not sure what else I can add that hasn't been said already. Some of the scenes didn't seem to mesh together. And some of the dialog didn't flow very well.
However, the best scene by far is the discovery of the robot son. What an awesome moment! So many themes and deeper meanings behind it. Great stuff.
I'd love to see what kind of art design could be done with this, and it's a great chance for someone to create a really innovative looking robot. Lots of potential!
However, the best scene by far is the discovery of the robot son. What an awesome moment! So many themes and deeper meanings behind it. Great stuff.
I'd love to see what kind of art design could be done with this, and it's a great chance for someone to create a really innovative looking robot. Lots of potential!
mjjason
Well-known member
I really liked the concept and some of the points raised though I felt the flow of the script was being manipulated too much. What I mean is the snide comment by a robot, the weird attitude of the Judge, the cop having to clean the apartment, and the ending trial all are convenient tools for the writer to explain the points. It was a little to right on the money to seem natural, particularly the conversations between the cop and the judge.
What is Stuart on trial for actually? According to the Cop he did not break any law as destroying a robot wasn't murder so why would he be on trial.
Overall, I like the concept though maybe a longer script would flush the story out better.
What is Stuart on trial for actually? According to the Cop he did not break any law as destroying a robot wasn't murder so why would he be on trial.
Overall, I like the concept though maybe a longer script would flush the story out better.
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seansshack
Well-known member
Enjoyed this one. Strong concept but I was left needing more story.
Like what they found in the apartment, but would the judge be there? Maybe he would be watching in on video feed (Aliens style).
But solid Sci-fi and on trial for the murder of a robot is a cool idea.
Good luck with it.
Like what they found in the apartment, but would the judge be there? Maybe he would be watching in on video feed (Aliens style).
But solid Sci-fi and on trial for the murder of a robot is a cool idea.
Good luck with it.
Captain Pierce
Veteran
If you were on trial for murdering a robot, would you want a robot defense attorney or would you hire someone else?
If robots make better defense attorneys, I'd damn sure want one.
It'd probably look better on Court TV, too... 
True ... makes you wonder about Judge Anderson, doesn't it?
Yeah, the more I look back at this, the more that the Judge is looking like she's very involved in all this...
Oh, no argument there.
alex whitmer
Veteran
Hey Chris, really loved this one.
SPOILERS
This ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
Overruled, Mr. Irwin. Now sit down
councilor.
Would a judge address a Councilor by name? Or both name and title at once?
Maybe ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
Overruled, Councilor, now sit down.
This ...
DETECTIVE STEIN
I know it practiced in your
courtroom for a long time,
Nice way of showing Stein’s dismissal of the robot as anything other than ‘it’.
Page 3
This ...
Judge Anderson beings walking through the
rooms.
Typo on beings (begins?)
The typo is kind cool though! It could work almost!
This ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
(o.s.)
Oh god!
I’ve always seen (O.S.) next to the character headings.
Page 4
This ...
ROBOT
Daddy?
Way cool!
This ...
A gavel smashes down on the desk of Judge Phillips, male,
fifties. The audience in the courtroom is causing a lot of
commotion. SUPERIMPOSE: SIX MONTHS LATER
SUPERIMPOSE should be on a separate line.
Man does this have feature written all over it. Excellent concept and clear writing to tell it in just 4 pages (I know you wanted more).
I think the exchange between Judge Anderson and Detective Stein could be streamlined a bit, and I’d like to see more on how DR-8841 got his groove back, but the doors you’ve opened here are extraordinary.
Love it. What's really great is the plausibility.
This opens a can of worms before the can has been really invented.
Dream cast!!
Tom Hanks as DR.8841
Meryl Streep as Judge Anderson
Tim Roth as Irwin
Morgan Freeman as Stein
Brooklyn as the child robot
I'll make some calls!!
alex
SPOILERS
TECHIE STUFF
This ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
Overruled, Mr. Irwin. Now sit down
councilor.
Would a judge address a Councilor by name? Or both name and title at once?
Maybe ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
Overruled, Councilor, now sit down.
This ...
DETECTIVE STEIN
I know it practiced in your
courtroom for a long time,
Nice way of showing Stein’s dismissal of the robot as anything other than ‘it’.
Page 3
This ...
Judge Anderson beings walking through the
rooms.
Typo on beings (begins?)
The typo is kind cool though! It could work almost!
This ...
JUDGE ANDERSON
(o.s.)
Oh god!
I’ve always seen (O.S.) next to the character headings.
Page 4
This ...
ROBOT
Daddy?
Way cool!
This ...
A gavel smashes down on the desk of Judge Phillips, male,
fifties. The audience in the courtroom is causing a lot of
commotion. SUPERIMPOSE: SIX MONTHS LATER
SUPERIMPOSE should be on a separate line.
STORY
Man does this have feature written all over it. Excellent concept and clear writing to tell it in just 4 pages (I know you wanted more).
I think the exchange between Judge Anderson and Detective Stein could be streamlined a bit, and I’d like to see more on how DR-8841 got his groove back, but the doors you’ve opened here are extraordinary.
Love it. What's really great is the plausibility.
This opens a can of worms before the can has been really invented.
Dream cast!!
Tom Hanks as DR.8841
Meryl Streep as Judge Anderson
Tim Roth as Irwin
Morgan Freeman as Stein
Brooklyn as the child robot
I'll make some calls!!
alex
krestofre
Knight of the Holy Order
Morgan Freeman as Stein. Man, that would be great! I hope those calls work out! Thanks for the great review Alex. I'm glad that you caught and pointed out some of the subtleties. Stein always using "it" specifically. On the technical, I didn't know that SUPERIMPOSE starts a new line. Thanks for that. I've seen (o.s.) in both places. Some many parts of script elements come and go with the times. I was taught that you put CUT TO: and the end of practically every line, and it took me forever to write a more fluid script.
Sean: Thanks for the feedback. I can understand you wanting more story. Hopefully someday I can tell it.
mjjason: I appreciate your review. I agree. A longer script would serve this story well.
Miata: I'd love to see the art design on this as well. I left the descriptions of the robots intentionally vague because I'd love to see what a mind more geared towards design would do with it.
Judgement: Stuart made a mistake when he threw the gavel at DR-8841. It could be argued that there were several more mistakes made by characters in the script. DR-8841 provoking Stuart. Judge Anderson for dismissing the objection, etc.
Conlan: I'm glad the script resonated for you emotionally.
Thanks everyone for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!
Sean: Thanks for the feedback. I can understand you wanting more story. Hopefully someday I can tell it.
mjjason: I appreciate your review. I agree. A longer script would serve this story well.
Miata: I'd love to see the art design on this as well. I left the descriptions of the robots intentionally vague because I'd love to see what a mind more geared towards design would do with it.
Judgement: Stuart made a mistake when he threw the gavel at DR-8841. It could be argued that there were several more mistakes made by characters in the script. DR-8841 provoking Stuart. Judge Anderson for dismissing the objection, etc.
Conlan: I'm glad the script resonated for you emotionally.
Thanks everyone for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!
David W. Richardson
Chapelgrove Films
It was an interesting concept. My biggest problem with it had to do with character motivation. I never felt like anyone was responding in any kind of normal or expected way. It seemed forced and contrived to me.
I agree that there's no reason why the cop would clean out the robot's apartment. If there's no family and no 'owner' to give whatever he finds to, then why wouldn't it fall on the landlord to clean out the rooms and dispose of whatever was there? And I didn't understand the Judge's desire to tag along -- why did she 'owe him that much'? Completely unmotivated.
I also felt there was far too little description of the locations. I had no idea who was sitting (or standing) where in either courtroom scene. I need to have the scene set for me before the action begins. Maybe that's just me.
A good idea that could be a good story, but needs more work, in my opinion. Great effort, though!
I agree that there's no reason why the cop would clean out the robot's apartment. If there's no family and no 'owner' to give whatever he finds to, then why wouldn't it fall on the landlord to clean out the rooms and dispose of whatever was there? And I didn't understand the Judge's desire to tag along -- why did she 'owe him that much'? Completely unmotivated.
I also felt there was far too little description of the locations. I had no idea who was sitting (or standing) where in either courtroom scene. I need to have the scene set for me before the action begins. Maybe that's just me.
A good idea that could be a good story, but needs more work, in my opinion. Great effort, though!
David W. Richardson
Chapelgrove Films
One other thing. Obviously when Stuart 'killed' DR-8841, there was no law on the books making that a crime. Clearly, by the end of the story such a law had been enacted, but how could it possibly be made retroactive so that Stuart could be on trial for murdering DR-8841???