STORYTELLER32
Well-known member
Re: As Promised to the DVXusers forum and others
Guess I'm going to chime in here again. And again, I'm going to make the same statement I made originally. Nothing here is said with malice or ill intent. The written word just comes across abrasive without inflection in it.
Personally, I wasn't annoyed by the "this is not yo moma's low budget action flik, trust me" comment. My response was out of genuine concern for someone who's boasting was going to hold them back from learning and growing artistically. And if no one stood up and pointed out things that the majority of us agree about in your work so far, then you wouldn't grow. You'd continue to make similar mistakes. That can't help you in any way, shape or form. (and at quite a cost too! These flik's ain't cheap to make!)
No one who thinks their stuff is great is going to grow. 9 times out of 10, the most talented and creative people out there are their own worst critics.
From the get-go, your comments have reflected your confidence in your work, which is fine. But the hard facts are that while you have vision, it's not an experienced vision. What I see in your work (as previously stated) looks like you're emulating things you've seen in other films you like. I see copying of techniques being used by other action film makers, but without understanding the form, structure and intent of their usage. The end result, in my view, was poorly composed shots with the intent of creating eye candy rather than clear storytelling and without succeeding in either.
I've seen this sort of thing before, but just in a different medium. Comic books. For the better part of 10 years I've had thousands of artists who wanted to break into the comic book industry come to my table at various conventions around the country asking me their opinion on their work and if it was good enough to get hired. Most of them copy surface techniques they see other printed artists doing (like all the cool lighting effects and fancy linework) which without a strong understanding of drawing structure add up to a lot of detail which means nothing. The frightening part was, they couldn't see this themselves. Most of them thought they were as good, if not better, than the big name artists who's work they were emulating. This is what your initial comment reminded me of after I saw your trailer. Because what I see from what you've done here doesn't look any better than most grade B action films out there and you seem to believe it is or believe it because someone told you it is.
It was clear to me that you weren't able to see what we were seeing and I felt a responsibility to write a more well rounded critique to point it out. The intent of this wasn't to insult (as I clearly stated in my original post) but to be constructive.
Now mind you, I agree, I only touched on some things and didn't go into greater detail about why they were problems. I was hoping you would research that on your own (ie. the scripting problems and acting issues). I simply didn't have time to type it all out. But to quickly touch on what I saw in the writing:
The script was extremely expository and your direction lent it to be even more so. You had two characters discussing a subject with the intent of explaining it to the audience. And that's the way it came across. Not as if they were two people having a conversation and we were a fly on the wall listening in. The rest I leave to you to research on your own.
I always temper my answers to be as tactful as possible being very careful about the tone I use in answering what I honestly see in someone's work. I simply can't re-create that here as there are no inflection in the words being used. So sometimes they can come across harshly. For that I apologize. But the important thing is the substance of my comments, not the style in which I delivered them (which I still don't believe was the end all be all of insults). I never said you suck and I still don't say you suck. I say you have some learning to do (which we all do, myself included). The only reason I'm able to point out issues of composition and the emotional intent behind the usage of it is because I've been effectively directing on paper for the past 10 years, drawing comics and storyboards. I myself am working on my first film and just have some pick-up shots left to do. But I'm not posting a trailer yet because I see my own flaws in my footage which I want to correct first (hence why I'm able to see the acting/directing issues here. I made the same casting mistakes myself! lol) So much so that I have to re-cast a whole part and re-shoot an entire scene. See? I can turn my steely cold gaze at myself too. I'm no hypocrit ;D
My guess, however, is that after the initial sting of my (and several other) critiques here, you've started to understand what we were seeing to a degree and if that's the case, then you've already benefited from your film making experience more so than if you never showed it to anyone. Film, like Law and Medicine, is a practice. The more we practice, the better we get.
Again, take these comments in the spirit in which they were intended.
Guess I'm going to chime in here again. And again, I'm going to make the same statement I made originally. Nothing here is said with malice or ill intent. The written word just comes across abrasive without inflection in it.
Personally, I wasn't annoyed by the "this is not yo moma's low budget action flik, trust me" comment. My response was out of genuine concern for someone who's boasting was going to hold them back from learning and growing artistically. And if no one stood up and pointed out things that the majority of us agree about in your work so far, then you wouldn't grow. You'd continue to make similar mistakes. That can't help you in any way, shape or form. (and at quite a cost too! These flik's ain't cheap to make!)
No one who thinks their stuff is great is going to grow. 9 times out of 10, the most talented and creative people out there are their own worst critics.
From the get-go, your comments have reflected your confidence in your work, which is fine. But the hard facts are that while you have vision, it's not an experienced vision. What I see in your work (as previously stated) looks like you're emulating things you've seen in other films you like. I see copying of techniques being used by other action film makers, but without understanding the form, structure and intent of their usage. The end result, in my view, was poorly composed shots with the intent of creating eye candy rather than clear storytelling and without succeeding in either.
I've seen this sort of thing before, but just in a different medium. Comic books. For the better part of 10 years I've had thousands of artists who wanted to break into the comic book industry come to my table at various conventions around the country asking me their opinion on their work and if it was good enough to get hired. Most of them copy surface techniques they see other printed artists doing (like all the cool lighting effects and fancy linework) which without a strong understanding of drawing structure add up to a lot of detail which means nothing. The frightening part was, they couldn't see this themselves. Most of them thought they were as good, if not better, than the big name artists who's work they were emulating. This is what your initial comment reminded me of after I saw your trailer. Because what I see from what you've done here doesn't look any better than most grade B action films out there and you seem to believe it is or believe it because someone told you it is.
It was clear to me that you weren't able to see what we were seeing and I felt a responsibility to write a more well rounded critique to point it out. The intent of this wasn't to insult (as I clearly stated in my original post) but to be constructive.
Now mind you, I agree, I only touched on some things and didn't go into greater detail about why they were problems. I was hoping you would research that on your own (ie. the scripting problems and acting issues). I simply didn't have time to type it all out. But to quickly touch on what I saw in the writing:
The script was extremely expository and your direction lent it to be even more so. You had two characters discussing a subject with the intent of explaining it to the audience. And that's the way it came across. Not as if they were two people having a conversation and we were a fly on the wall listening in. The rest I leave to you to research on your own.
I always temper my answers to be as tactful as possible being very careful about the tone I use in answering what I honestly see in someone's work. I simply can't re-create that here as there are no inflection in the words being used. So sometimes they can come across harshly. For that I apologize. But the important thing is the substance of my comments, not the style in which I delivered them (which I still don't believe was the end all be all of insults). I never said you suck and I still don't say you suck. I say you have some learning to do (which we all do, myself included). The only reason I'm able to point out issues of composition and the emotional intent behind the usage of it is because I've been effectively directing on paper for the past 10 years, drawing comics and storyboards. I myself am working on my first film and just have some pick-up shots left to do. But I'm not posting a trailer yet because I see my own flaws in my footage which I want to correct first (hence why I'm able to see the acting/directing issues here. I made the same casting mistakes myself! lol) So much so that I have to re-cast a whole part and re-shoot an entire scene. See? I can turn my steely cold gaze at myself too. I'm no hypocrit ;D
My guess, however, is that after the initial sting of my (and several other) critiques here, you've started to understand what we were seeing to a degree and if that's the case, then you've already benefited from your film making experience more so than if you never showed it to anyone. Film, like Law and Medicine, is a practice. The more we practice, the better we get.
Again, take these comments in the spirit in which they were intended.
But seriously it's funny you say that because we're thinking about offering quick time VCDs for computers. I'll probably put them or some other trailers back up soon, but right now I'm too busy to even worry about it. Curiously how would one go about making a DiVIX CD?