"Analog"

[Aaron Marshall]

I liked some of the music in this one. The song that goes "Two feet on the ground, but no one knows when no one is arou-uh-ound" that's gorgeous. It was a woman singing. Who was that? I want to buy that track/album.

I think you packed way too many indie songs in one short film. It would have worked flawlessly in a 30 min film, but not a 6 min one.

You had some very interesting shots. I thought it started out very well. By the time it made it to the big guy talking about "the big guy" near the train tracks; I was disappointed by the preachy turn of events. That was the "jump the shark" moment. It's one thing to hint at the existence of "God" or some higher power. It's quite another to suspend my disbelief and tell me that it's a solid fact over a cassette recording from beyond.

Even then, with the story falling apart at the seams, how well everything else was put together made me give it a chance until the end. I was thinking to myself: will it finally fall completely apart, or will the seams tighten and mend? In my opinion, it fell apart and the little girl was the nail in the proverbial coffin.

The acting was great other than the big guy at the train tracks. I thought your main actor was a great choice. I could see this playing on the Trinity Broadcasting Network at like 2 in the morning. You might try to get it on there and make a little bit of money.

Pros: Beautifully shot, some good songs, well acted

Cons: Preachy, a bit narrow-minded

 

[jojopop]

This one took me by surprise a bit -- it really had me up until the moment the "big guy" is brought in, but not so much by its introduction of God and religion but moreso for how the message was executed. I felt that had your message been much more subtle it would've been more effective. For example, I would've much preferred that the big guy at the tracks appeared as a stranger with a package for the lead rather than a guy-who-pops-up-out-of-thin-air thereby telling the viewer exactly what the message of the film is (wasn't exactly a fan of the little girl in the church either). Allowing the viewer to infer a little more and leaving room for them to decide a bit for themselves would've had more of an impact. And to me, a less overt message would've made for an overall more complex narrative.

The lead actor was excellent and immensely believable. I was really feeling for the guy once the pieces of his story started to fall into place. The big guy at the tracks didn't work so well for me, but a large part of that may have been just his expository nature.

I've got to agree with a lot of what Aaron says above -- I myself am a Christian, and yet I still found the film to be too preachy. It's a fine line to walk when you're trying to craft a film that has a strong message to send and it's really difficult to make that work. But ultimately here, I felt the message took control of the film.

There's a really powerful, compelling film in here. But as is, doesn't quite elevate itself to a new level for me.

Overall though... great job pulling this one together and even though I've come down on your execution of the message (personal preference, right?) -- I still have to applaud how you just went for the gusto.

Oh and I love your title!

 

[eustace]

Really enjoyed this one.

You really had me with the opening music and images. Really felt "of a whole" and I was sucked in right away. Loved the music with the reel to reel imagery and the backward forward tape sounds in the score.

Something about the red/pink/orange palette of the gas station seemed a bit jarring coming out of the sepia opening of his house. Maybe find a happy medium between the sepia and the color grading of the gas station for that establishing shot and then have the rest of the scene as you've graded it? Gas station seems a bit too saturated or poly chromatic to feel cohesive with the rest of the piece to me. I know that's partly the idea to make that stand out. But finding a way to do it that seems of a piece while being different is the challenge I guess.

Is the bagel moldy? A little hard to tell with the grading. Maybe cheat a little with some masks and selective grading here?

During the watching the video scene I found myself thinking that I really liked the couple. They're young and attractive in a non pandering way. Both have a great look and I feel like we got s sense of their lives with the clothing they wore, the way their apartment our house looks etc. And the soundtrack helps here too.

Along those lines ... gas mask on the shelf? Everything communicates in the frame. I have weird stuff in my apartment like that too. But if it's not gonna be about how artistic and quirky he is, or that's not really gonna be developed through the rest of the art direction, I would get rid of something like that featured so prominently in the shot. I thought it might pay off later or that he was some kind of weirdo. Why? I asked myself, is the filmmaker showing me that this character has a gas mask on his shelf.

SPOILERS (highlight to read)

Is he meant to be flipping a coin to decide whether or not to step onto the tracks or not? If so that kind of moment needs more coverage, not just cast off in a wide shot. Also those are the kinds of moments we should be honing in on as filmmakers. Meaning. You've shown us a lot of passiveness. You really got in there and lingered on him watching the video tapes and ruminating. All of that is passive and done for much longer can get boring due to it's inactivity. But flipping a coin is much more active. Even though he's seemingly let the coin decide, that's a cop out (on his part) he has to decide whether or not to flip the coin, whether or not to look, whether or not to do 2 out of 3 or whether to accept the first toss. All of that is active and the camera love to see characters think and vacillate. Ruminating is ok to a degree, but a film filled with moments of decision and being there to make those moments of decision will be more interesting than one that lingers in emotional states solely. You really put us in his shoes for the emotional state, but not so really for what he's about to do. No if I'm totally off and he's just tossing a rock up in the air, still there's not enough coverage or clear enough coverage for it to sink in what he's about to do. We don't get the since that he's standing on the edge of a cliff about to take a very big step. More that he's kind of moping around in the same tone / mode as the previous. We need the kind of coverage here as we have of him putting the casette tape in and listening to it. IMHO.
END SPOILER

I feel like the music when he has the casette by the pool undercuts the story for the firstt time.

It works great when we are in the more passive emotional rumination moments at the beginning. But her I feel like it should be about plot and the PRESENT action we're seeing unfold. We've finally gotten to the plot here and he's doing something active and the music seemed like a step backwards. I think you can trust your imageray and the way you've shot that scene to be more than enough. He gets the thing. He just listens to it. He's trying to figure out what to do. You're story and filmmaking is firing on all pistons here in an active way and I think the music which signals passive melancholy is a mistep back, like we are going into another rumination montage. But that world has been upset. That's his stasis. What he's been given changes the stasis. He may go back to moping around the house watching old tapes of his lover, but right now he has something active to do that moves the movie foreward. Yes he is still sad here. But you no longer need to tell us that, which is what the music does. You can just show us with the interesting scene that you've set up so well.

Love the way the church is shot and the color grading here. Really nice stuff. And the art direction of the church really fits the kind of retro hipness of the rest of it.

This was really strong work that I enjoyed very much.
:beer:

Jack. Wow. Thank you so much for the detailed response and well-thought out critique!

As I was reading it, I kept thinking, "Yeah, but I only had six minutes to work with," or "Yeah, but that's not what I was really going for," but really I think I agree with every one of your criticisms and my excuses don't fly.

I'm hoping to do a re-edit of this and tighten things up again and I'll definitely be looking through your comment again for advice on how to do so.

A few comments on some of the specifics:

The bagel? Yeah, it was really moldy. I was thinking that with the grading it probably didn't look enough like it was indeed moldy, but I didn't get around to doing anything about it. I like the idea of using a mask.

The color of the gas station scene was tough for me. I did want to keep it different than everything else because it was a flashback, but I too thought it didn't really fit with the overall aesthetic. I tried some different grading, but didn't find anything I really liked, and because I was so into the grainy, red look, I stubbornly left it - even at the cost of a break in the fluidity of the image and story. I think I'll change this for the re-edit.

The gas mask? Two reasons for this: first, in my haste to get those shots of the VHS camera, I didn't pay enough attention to the rest of the "set;" and second, in editing, I thought it would be cool to leave in and subtly make a connection to one of the other shorts I worked on: "The Borders of Elysium." The problem (or one of them) here was that it wasn't too subtle.

And the coin tossing problem? Yeah, I agree completely. I tried to fix this a little, but not until I was getting too close to the deadline. So I'll definitely be addressing this problem in the re-edit. I hope I have enough coverage.

Anyway, thanks again SO MUCH for the response. I'm really looking forward to "Cold Calls." I'll let you know when I get there.

 

[eustace]

beautiful, i hope there turns out to be more Christian films in this fest. well done loved the story, the friends calling was a mice touch.

I loved it, the music was perfect... Great work. Great message..

I really enjoyed this one, especially the opening sequence. The grading and the old tape/shower scene was really nice. You drew me in with the main character, I felt his anguish. Nice work!

A very moving piece. I was moved and really felt for the character. The music just fit in every part, editing was tight, very powerful and personal touch to it.

Thanks!!!

 

[eustace]

Chris,

Thanks so much for the really kind words, man! I'm glad you like it. Yeah, there was a really cool painting (painted by the actress who plays the wife) that I wanted to use as a cutaway along with the Maneki Neko, but I cut it for time.

And yeah, the contributing musicians are super-talented. I'll put a post up about them soon.

 

[eustace]

I loved it. As a cinematographer I loved your artistic shots however a few seemed like they were just cool shots without purpose. The low shot in the church from behind a pew felt a little like someone was watching him and I loved it because suddenly the girl appeared. When you get that close on people you have to make sure there is a reason behind it besides it "looks cool". Maybe there is, but I didn't catch it. The look and feel overall was great! HOW MANY TRAINS DID THAT TAKE! That was awesome. Story wise, I would have liked to have a little more dialog between the girl and the guy about his beliefs to make the ending more of an impact. Over all highest vote so far!

Thanks!

Yeah, I was worried we weren't going to get any trains, and then pretty soon after we got there I saw that that wasn't going to be a problem. I think we had one about every twenty minutes or so - about 4 trains total used in the edit.

Thanks again for the generous comment and high vote.

 

[eustace]

OK here we go... responses as i wrote them in my notes...

Great look.
cool story... it makes sense.
Great sound track. fitting
odd girl in the end... could have gone without.

all in all I liked it and rated it high. It is a solid short and tells a nice story. I didn't see the purpose for the little girl in the end. I had already gotten the message by then so to have her show up sort of distracted me from that warm and fuzzy feel good emotion. Key point here though it that you made me feel that warm and fuzzy feel good emotion. So good job

Hey Mike,

Thanks for the comment!

I understand your feeling with the Angel girl at the end. But here's what I was going for:
I was trying to show with Graham (the main character)'s awkwardness and pretty quick departure from the pew that he was trying, but wasn't really feeling it - like he just wasn't really sure of the whole thing even still.
So having the Angel in the end was a way of showing a very intentional and even "over"-exerted display of pursuit of this hurting, messed-up dude.

 

[eustace]

Wow.... one I never saw coming.... powerful story, well shot, well acted, and just a solid short overall... the story really resonated with me for obvious reasons, and I also really thought the spirituality was eased in very well... not thrown in... it made sense and totally worked... the shots and cinematography worked well... thanks... another stand-out for the fest for me.

Brandon! Awesome to hear from you! I'm a fan of your work so it's VERY cool to see this positive response from you.

Thanks!!!

 

[Tim Joy]

I was immediately drawn in to the world of analog and felt a hint of Wes Anderson-does-twilight vibes coming through. When I start weatching a movie, I usually have a split second gut reaction of "I love it" or "I hate". This one was "I love it".
The flow worked. The music worked and it felt like the opening title to a nice pro indie film.

The tension was heavy right before Pauly popped in. For a second, I thought we were gonna see the guy as CGI train splat, but you surprised me, in a good way.

The song at the 1st pool scene really affected me. Not sure if it's the way it needed to, but still, it has that...*something*

I see this as a beautiful beginning and ending to a very touching and emotional 15min short or longer. I didn't think 6 minutes was enough time to tell this story, especially to sell the pop-up characters.

You have a lot of talent and I would love to see more. Great job.

 

[Tim Joy]

J

The gas mask? Two reasons for this: first, in my haste to get those shots of the VHS camera, I didn't pay enough attention to the rest of the "set;"

.....so you just happen to have an old gas mask lying around? That's creepy. :zombie_smiley:

 

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

...
The color of the gas station scene was tough for me. I did want to keep it different than everything else because it was a flashback, but I too thought it didn't really fit with the overall aesthetic. I tried some different grading, but didn't find anything I really liked, and because I was so into the grainy, red look, I stubbornly left it - even at the cost of a break in the fluidity of the image and story. I think I'll change this for the re-edit.
...

What about a cross fade from sepia to to the red? Would highlight that section as special even more so because then you'd be pointing out the change while simultaneously making it a smoother transition. Maybe that's a goofy idea. But just a thought.

It's not a huge note anyway. Just something I noticed.

 

[Danielleus]

Hey,

Just caught the flick. Dug this one ALMOST entirely. I really really love this story and think that all of the technical aspects are top notch. You're hand-held stuff, use of music and sound is quite phenomenal. I loved the flashback bit, use of slo-mo, etc. Really really dug all of your technical stuff. The actors were quite fine as well. (more about the angel with the dialogue lower)

However, and I'm sorry to have to include this because I just really like this piece, but the "angels" and stuff left me kind of cold. I thought you handled it well and that the guy (is that Pauly the Hitman? Cause it looks like Pauly the Hitman) worked. Enjoyed his performance. I just don't like that aspect in the piece. I know you probably wanted to put your definitive point down on the matter, so this might muck it up or leave it sort of questionable still. I just think you could have brought the tape out and had him in the church and something else happens or is just too coincidental to be coincidence happen while he's there. That would sell it for me.

And I do apologize as that borders on being a critique on "the movie I wanted to see" and is unfair to your piece objectively. I do think very highly of this piece and I think it's much harder to do the TWILIGHTfest theme without the presence of angels. But I think the tone, camera work, and mood of the piece got a bit jarred by the introduction of the angels, especially in the manner they were presented. Maybe just have them HAPPEN to be there?

I don't know. I really do like this piece a lot. The sound bridge to the audio player at the beginning? Fanstastic.

Hope that's all at least tangentially helpful. But then, just my opinion also.

 

[Jason Sanders]

Very well done, you did a great job. It was cool working with you on the other two.

 

[eustace]

I liked some of the music in this one. The song that goes "Two feet on the ground, but no one knows when no one is arou-uh-ound" that's gorgeous. It was a woman singing. Who was that? I want to buy that track/album.

I think you packed way too many indie songs in one short film. It would have worked flawlessly in a 30 min film, but not a 6 min one.

You had some very interesting shots. I thought it started out very well. By the time it made it to the big guy talking about "the big guy" near the train tracks; I was disappointed by the preachy turn of events. That was the "jump the shark" moment. It's one thing to hint at the existence of "God" or some higher power. It's quite another to suspend my disbelief and tell me that it's a solid fact over a cassette recording from beyond.

Even then, with the story falling apart at the seams, how well everything else was put together made me give it a chance until the end. I was thinking to myself: will it finally fall completely apart, or will the seams tighten and mend? In my opinion, it fell apart and the little girl was the nail in the proverbial coffin.

The acting was great other than the big guy at the train tracks. I thought your main actor was a great choice. I could see this playing on the Trinity Broadcasting Network at like 2 in the morning. You might try to get it on there and make a little bit of money.

Pros: Beautifully shot, some good songs, well acted

Cons: Preachy, a bit narrow-minded

Hey man,

Thanks so much for the comments.

Yeah, you might be right about there being too many songs packed into one six-minute short. However, I did have - from the outset of editing this thing - an idea of a very moody, music-driven tone to run through the film, and I'm still pretty happy with that decision. When I re-edit, I may consider toning down some of the music in places.

I'm sorry it came off as preachy to you. I definitely wasn't going for that, but was aware that it might nonetheless have that flavor to some. I do think I need to say, however, that your saying that the story fell apart at the seams because it took for granted the existence of God is a bit obtuse and vapid. I have (as you might imagine) a lot to say on this matter, but I'll leave it at this: If in another film (especially a Twilight-ish film) an alien - one from outer space - appeared to one of the characters and presented him with a clearly other-worldly object, would you have the same reaction?: I'm not willing to suspend my disbelief and let this film go on with the presupposition that - within the reality of this story - aliens do exist. (Of course, if you do believe in aliens, then this analogy would require you to imagine how those who do not would react.)

Also, I don't think you meant it this way, but Trinity Broadcasting Network? Ouch, man.

Seriously though, thanks so much for the comments!

 

[eustace]

What about a cross fade from sepia to to the red? Would highlight that section as special even more so because then you'd be pointing out the change while simultaneously making it a smoother transition. Maybe that's a goofy idea. But just a thought.

It's not a huge note anyway. Just something I noticed.

Yeah, I think I like that idea. I'll give that a whirl in the re-edit process. Maybe a quick flash to white and then fade into the flashback. I don't know: I'll mess around with some stuff.

 

[Bryce A]

I dug the movie minus the sudden appearances. I felt like the film, acting, and music had real gravity, but those parts just pulled me right out.

An element that really worked for me was the answering machine. I love playing with ways to creatively give exposition. The voice and Round’s (non)reaction to it got a lot across. Good job. Oh, for that matter, the tape as well
.
Aesthetically the flick was quite good. Sound was sold, though I thought the pool video sounded a bit odd. Nice to see Jeremiah Rounds lamenting death instead of causing it. :evil:

 

[mjjason]

I liked the movie, particularly the mood set with the music. There is some great music in that short. The one thing that threw me was the sudden appearance of the angel. Not that he was an angel or anything but the fact that he suddenly appeared kind of blew the tone of the film to that point. Maybe showing his restoration of faith in another way would have worked better.

Overall really good film in the first half but the second half with the angels felt off. I liked the concept just not the execution.

 

[Zim]

Good film and I did like the music in it.

 

[ZazaCast]

Excellent film! I liked every aspect of this one...the story was solid & well written. Camera work, top notch. Audio & music complimented nicely. Acting..lighting...the look & feel...it all works. Really great job! Recieves one of my highest ratings.

 

[punkkid]

Good good

Good good

I thought this one was very good.