Alien Abduction

Noel Evans said:
Ill read it again at the end, of course with that in mind. Sorry, just wanted to add, the mistake in a scene was not clear to me. Was it that the gray allowed himself to be captured and then suffered death as a result?
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Yep. That was it.

I would've elaborated more on that, but as you see I ran all the way to the last possible line on Page 6. I'm not sure what I'd have wanted to cut out to make room for a more detailed explanation, so I was hoping folks would catch on.

Thanks again!
 
David,

A fun read. I don't think I've ever seen that explanation of the "Greys" before, and certainly to see one speaking 21st century slang would be one hell of a weird thing on-screen. :)

One minor quibble, and this has SPOILERS, so be warned if haven't read yet--but would the Grey really refer to himself and his kind as "****in' freaks?" I mean, from his point-of-view, he's normal and the pre-mutation humans should be the freaks. Unless he's just using that as part of his plan to get the Man to sympathize with him, because the Man certainly considers the Grey to be a freak.

But, like I said, a minor issue, overall I really enoyed the script.
 
Yes nice read. I have thought about aliens being time travelling humans but never equated it to nuclear war mutations. Makes a lot of sense though. The only thing I found questionable was the way the alien talked(like a highschool kid), imagine an astronaut talking like that. Other than that good job thanks for sharing.
 
Cool story. This would make a nice little short, and I hope that someone is doing this for the TwilightFest.

Somehow I got the impression that the alien was talking jive, and couldn't shake the Chris Tucker accent. It makes sense towards the end though.
 
Liked your script. I totally laughed the first time Gray spoke. I had to read it again to make sure I was reading the alien's lines! Interesting characters.
 
Great script man, I really enjoyed it and had a nice turn that i was'nt expecting... Aliens are mutated humans from the future, gotta say, pretty cool idea.
 
I really like the idea that the aliens are actually mutated, time travelling humans. Good original idea and the fact that an alien got abducted as well as a human.
My interest was really peaked when the alien began talking.

In hindsight I see what STLYZ is saying, considering that the alien would be some sort of scientist or astronaut or some modern equivalent, you wouldn't expect him to use that kind of language. But then again, its in the future, so maybe culture has changed and that is the norm. Could be all that survived the blast was a group of surfer dudes ;)

I really liked the script, good quick read, very creative. A great way to start the fest.
 
This one is my first read of the fest!

Pros: LOVED the idea and the title, and having it be a reversal for once, that a man abducts an alien. Tight story and some great twists.

Cons: I agree with the dialog of the gray being so informal. Just doesn't seem to fit. And this is me being nitpicky, but if the grays knew the exact time the bombs were coming, why cut it so close to the wire? From the feel of the script, seems like the guy only had been holding the alien for a day at the most.

Overall, I liked this. I know it couldn't be done due to length, but I'd like to see more dialog with the gray and the guy after he discovers he's human. Have them talk things out and almost form a bond, and then the revelation of what's to come and it's urgency. If you get this produced, make it a little longer if you can. It's a good read!
 
The alien's slang was a surprise to everyone however it added to the story and truly was enjoyable! However the mistake of the character would be that the man don't let the alien go? or the alien for getting caught?
 
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Actually, in 12 Monkeys, it wasn't a scientist or astronaut that they sent back in time to gather data... it was a prisoner. With that in mind, the gray's slang wasn't at all distracting. :)

I liked this one and I will comment more later.
 
Most of what I felt has already been stated. Great concept for the story, especially the part about Aliens being time travellers. Overall it was a great read. The two problems I had were with the Gray's dialogue and the sudden change in the man. The Gray seemed too much like a surfer dude while the man completely forgot about his wife. Just had a problem with the transition.

Overall, great idea with a solid execution.
 
Not sure why he would come back to right before the explosion when he knew it was coming.... despite the explanation that they were expendable and all going to die anyway... couldn't he come back to a few weeks before so there would be no chance of dying? And...if they could travel back in time, could they not just bring some of the people back to the future with them? Though this is just splitting hairs... and I didn't think of these questions until later so they didn't suspend my disbelief in anyway.

Again, I liked this one. Very well done! :)
 
I loved the script! I thought it was well written. I like the concept. It was a tad to predictable though. If you could hold off the part about the war longer, and have the Gray not be afraid so soon, it might be a bigger suprise, of course, in the filming and editing, you could solve a lot of this!
 
Enjoyable read. Nice build up and worked for me.

I would however make it slightly shorter. During the period that he lets him know what he is and where he comes from, reduce the talking a bit.

Also for some reason I could see the Gray holding the guy's head and letting him see the events (projected into his head kind of thing) - knocking him for six and showing enhanced human powers.

But I enjoyed it and could see it as a solid short film.

Good luck with it.
 
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