A Train to Kansas City

krestofre

krestofre

Knight of the Holy Order
A Train to Kansas City

Logline: A train conductor accepts the task of delivering a letter for a wild west legend; unfortunately bullets are involved.

I thought about calling this one 3:10 to Kansas City, but that sounded too familiar. :)

This is a smaller script (in scope, not page count) than I've written for past fests. I'm curious to see how it plays.
 
I like the premise. Curious to see who the legend is, unless it doesn't matter, perhaps it remains a mystery? or is it a fictional legend?
I suppose I'll have to wait and read. Looking forward to it.
 
I'll spill that much of the plot. It's a fictional legend. His legend status plays into the narrative, hence the focus.
 
The tagline ought to be "Don't shoot the messenger." : P

Can't wait to read this one. Sounds liek it has an interesting twist.
 
hey krestofre.... i hope you are still entering. looking forward to reading your script. :)

jamie
 
This was a well-written story, with some really good visuals. On the whole, I dug the story. I was waiting for something bigger in the end, but it was a quaint, emotional farewell. So in that, it was good.

A lot of the dialogue was somewhat cliche, "nobody be a hero" but the action sequences paid off. I especially liked where Rook still insisted that Samuel still delivered the envelope. Something trusting and very bold, even for a nefarious character.

Bad boys still have feelings...

I really can't nit-pick too much about it. So KUDOS on a very well written script.
 
I enjoyed your script Krestofre.

It was a simple story but well written. As already noted above, some of the dialogue was very cliche and some of it didn't fit, for example the Engineer saying 'I thought you were looking after the passengers.' something simpler would have sufficed here. The ending was very heart felt and some really nice action in there.

Overall though, a good, simple story with good characters, good action sequences and a nice heart felt ending. Well done.
 
Well this was a good romp with a sentimental sweet ending! Some have remarked about the dialogue being cliche - maybe in parts but for me that wasn't such an issue. Sometimes using more obvious means of communication allow the focus to rest on other parts of the story (if your not gonna hit us with some outstanding monologues or one liners then the plot might - or the action scenes etc!)

I got a little bit lost with the number of brothers and characters ( I read again and it was fine!) and I enjoyed the action scenes. I would like to know why Rook is such a bad ass hehe, there is no real indication (if he was based on a famous historical chap that would perhaps be easier on the grey cells.)

For the conductor its all about the letter - and its a great set up (great locations - great idea for the main character.)

I guess we letter is delivered in person because its bad news and Rook hoped it would be read etc? I think it works but for some the pay off might not be enough or the ending might seem quaint. It also makes the major component of the action of the script a little circumstantial to this end (to some).
 
As always, thanks so much for the comments. I apprecaite everyones' time on behalf of this script.

I am very surprised by peoples' reaction to Rook. More on this later, but I'm curious what other reviewers will take from it.
 
You're not a pest at all. And yes, I'm surprised, but I want the script to exist on it's own for a bit more before I address it.
 
I enjoyed this tale. I can understand what some are saying about the dialogue, however I was okay with it, as the whole mood of it (dialogue included) felt very much like a classic western tale. Which is a good thing.
"So much for guarantees" I like this line and Samuel.

When Rook appears on the train, it created a bit of a question. Why doesn't he deliver the letter himself then? But of course this is the crux of the story.

I think that question is answered perfectly with the ending. The one thing that Rook the tough cowboy couldn't do is face Rose and give her the bad news himself. I liked that it ended on an emotional punch.

Really enjoyable read!
 
This felt like something I'd have seen back in the 50s.

I would have cared more about the ending if I had any idea who Rook was. After all, he was "the Rook Carver." Lawman? Criminal? This is his story but we get a better attachment to Samuel.

What was Danny's relationship to Rook...brother, friend, colleague? And for that matter, what was Rook's relationship to Rose?

Some of these questions are a bit more than might fit within the length of screenplay BUT I certainly believe it would be good to know who Rook Carver is.

Overall, I enjoyed your script but wanted to know more about the lead character.
 
Again copying Blaine's sentiments, i think he articulates what id have liked a bit more of - though I get the ending you go for and and as a 'point' it works really well, but i think its impact is limited from our lack of knowlege that Blaine cites. Something easily remedied in a slightly longer script though?
 
For me, this was a super smooth read Krestofre! I like some of the motivating factors you had in the story. For example, the way the passengers on the train are controlled by the threat of blowing up the engines. I also enjoyed how Rook handled Bull at the end. Like, some of the other comments, the only note I had was in regards to Rook and who he is. Everyone seems to know of him and there may be room towards the end to work in a cool twist that establishes why. It could even include Rose and Danny (who he spoke of in the letter.) At any rate, I'm just glad that Bull and the Lowrey Brothers got what they deserved!
 
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