"A Timely End", a film by Craig Helfer and Marc Carpenito
- Thread starter Helferc
- Start date
Matt Sconce
Veteran
Congrats! Good to see you in the fest!
Mark Harris
Pain in the ass
Cool, welcome!
Beat Takeshi
Two-Hip Shakur
Welcome to the fest.
Michael Anthony Horrigan
More Cowbell Pictures
Wicked poster!
Good luck.
Mike
Good luck.
Mike
Dustin R. Rogan
Silent Bob's Evil Twin
Welcome!
Good Luck Sir
Rogan
Good Luck Sir
Rogan
Drew Ott
Wish I were banned.
Nice short. I was entertained the whole time.
After thinking back over the whole plot, I think maybe you could have cut down on the finding of the watch. From what I recall, that scene was about 1/3 of the entire short.
Good work though. The acting was pretty good.
Spoilers---
I didn't really like the ending. I see so many car hits in shorts that I always feel it's a gimmick.
After thinking back over the whole plot, I think maybe you could have cut down on the finding of the watch. From what I recall, that scene was about 1/3 of the entire short.
Good work though. The acting was pretty good.
Spoilers---
I didn't really like the ending. I see so many car hits in shorts that I always feel it's a gimmick.
Mattykins
Cute Member
Alright, A timely end -
Opening shot was nice, very red though. But over all really nice. Good look.
And I hear the nagging mother deal. The music was soothing. But the noise of the bags seem a little over powering. As did the "****", there was some distortion from the levels.
Nice looking watch by the way. Enjoyed the violin too. And how the score begins to add onto one another.
The pan at 2:30 was a little jolty. Kinda sticky. Remember, just talking as I watch. Nothing to terrible.
The colours in the room went green a little come 3:11. But nice OTS dual shot around 3:25.
The Bolshevik revolution occurred well before the cold war. 1917 v 1945.
Didn't get the ending though. Maybe a more creative kill. The car is overdone. But nice piece of work.
Opening shot was nice, very red though. But over all really nice. Good look.
And I hear the nagging mother deal. The music was soothing. But the noise of the bags seem a little over powering. As did the "****", there was some distortion from the levels.
Nice looking watch by the way. Enjoyed the violin too. And how the score begins to add onto one another.
The pan at 2:30 was a little jolty. Kinda sticky. Remember, just talking as I watch. Nothing to terrible.
The colours in the room went green a little come 3:11. But nice OTS dual shot around 3:25.
The Bolshevik revolution occurred well before the cold war. 1917 v 1945.
Didn't get the ending though. Maybe a more creative kill. The car is overdone. But nice piece of work.
Mobie540
Well-known member
I loved the opening with the mom. There was one cut when the kid entered the house, your actors were on the bottom half of the frame, it was a little distracting. Other than that, I really liked the way you shot, edited the short.
You had me until the end, didn't understand why someone would run over another person in broad daylight. But I suppose I could sit back and ponder an infinite amount of possibilities, if that's what you went for good job.
You had me until the end, didn't understand why someone would run over another person in broad daylight. But I suppose I could sit back and ponder an infinite amount of possibilities, if that's what you went for good job.
ZazaCast
Major Contributor
Good short, good acting, interesting story. I just didn't understand why the guy ran him over? He didn't seem to be that interested in the watch when he was looking at it? Maybe he should have just beat him over the head with his kane and shove him in the closet with all the others he killed for their watches...as the camera pulls back on him adding the watch to his collection.
Nice job!
Nice job!
Bryce A
Well-known member
Hey I dig this kinda flick. I love the antiques people kill over angle. Red violin? Which beings me to the soundtrack. Great job with that. The film isn’t as accomplished as some of the others, but a good effort nonetheless. I’d work on making your lighting a bit more dynamic as well as the camera work.
Zak Forsman
Major Contributor
i thought this WAS a wonderful piece. wished it went on a just a beat longer to payoff what the guy plans to do with it... something that could reveal a hint of the watch's true purpose other than it ticks while its owner is alive.
singular criticism is that some of the music edits were abrupt.
singular criticism is that some of the music edits were abrupt.
ConspiracyPenguin
Nosey Penguin
Craig,
To use your line I thought this was a "lovely piece." I applaud you for your use of time management, you were able to accomplish quite a bit in 6 minutes. The cinematography was well done, the acting was quite excellent and the story was unique and interesting. My only suggestions are these:
1) In the kitchen scene, the man says "...so he can do some scientific tests." I think I would have made this a little more subtle like "He may have it for a while, but I assure you he is quite thourough and you won't be dissapointed..."
2) The man had the business card in his pocket, I think I would have made him go get it. If time was the reason you didn't do this, the events surrounding the mans drink (while quaint they were) could have be removed to allow for this change.
I thnk that was it. Really, a fantastic short. What I really liked was the bit of forshadowing when the man was clutching his side as if in pain. When I saw the cane when the guy got out of the car, I immediately remembered that notation I had made. That was clever. I also liked the scene before the main charcter went into the street, he was obviously in deep thought which set up well for the crash. Well done and good luck!
To use your line I thought this was a "lovely piece." I applaud you for your use of time management, you were able to accomplish quite a bit in 6 minutes. The cinematography was well done, the acting was quite excellent and the story was unique and interesting. My only suggestions are these:
1) In the kitchen scene, the man says "...so he can do some scientific tests." I think I would have made this a little more subtle like "He may have it for a while, but I assure you he is quite thourough and you won't be dissapointed..."
2) The man had the business card in his pocket, I think I would have made him go get it. If time was the reason you didn't do this, the events surrounding the mans drink (while quaint they were) could have be removed to allow for this change.
I thnk that was it. Really, a fantastic short. What I really liked was the bit of forshadowing when the man was clutching his side as if in pain. When I saw the cane when the guy got out of the car, I immediately remembered that notation I had made. That was clever. I also liked the scene before the main charcter went into the street, he was obviously in deep thought which set up well for the crash. Well done and good luck!
pauly_the_hitman
Veteran
I must agree with most of the comments on this one especially conspiracypenguin but great effort.
Dustin R. Rogan
Silent Bob's Evil Twin
SPOILERS
This flick had my attention at first then lost me when he went to the guys house...
First of all, who has another mans business card there in his pocket...maybe have the guy say "hold on" and he goes to a drawer full of Misc. items and digs it out.
The dialouge between them at the dinning room table was boring. then the ending upset me. I think maybe since the watch quits ticking once someone dies...why not a random guy on the street hits him, and then he gets out and picks up the watch...the watch starts ticking...end...
My 2 cents,
Rogan
This flick had my attention at first then lost me when he went to the guys house...
First of all, who has another mans business card there in his pocket...maybe have the guy say "hold on" and he goes to a drawer full of Misc. items and digs it out.
The dialouge between them at the dinning room table was boring. then the ending upset me. I think maybe since the watch quits ticking once someone dies...why not a random guy on the street hits him, and then he gets out and picks up the watch...the watch starts ticking...end...
My 2 cents,
Rogan
Horncastle
Well-known member
This film started off very nicely in the attic. The lighting, photography, shouted conversation with the mother and finding of the watch were all pretty convincing. Thereafter, I felt it had its ups and downs and the ending was a little flat. Overall though it was a pretty good effort with nice attention to detail. A somewhat more polished script with better dialogues and more of a climax at the end would have turned it into a great little film. Thanks, and I look forward to the next one you make.
Matt Sconce
Veteran
I also thought the start was great but then it went into slow mo for me. The dialogue at the table lost my interest and I did not figure out the importance of the watch because I was wondering what would happen next. When the kid was walking with the watch, I knew what was about to happen. I didn't really get why the man hit him though, but some of the shots were great. If the first camera on storyline had continued, I think this would have been stronger. Congrats and I look forward to the next thing!
Danielleus
Well-known member
Hey,
Just caught the film. Overall I enjoyed it. I thought it was an intriguing and engaging story. As mentioned earlier, I thought you did quite a bit with the time you had.
However, also to mirror what others have pointed out, for me the pacing was slow. You could have easily gotten to the watch, and out to/through the antiques person a lot quicker. Also, the car thing. Yeah, you've heard it so I'm not going to mention it again.
Overall I'd say a strong film. Interesting concept and decently put together. Well done.
Just caught the film. Overall I enjoyed it. I thought it was an intriguing and engaging story. As mentioned earlier, I thought you did quite a bit with the time you had.
However, also to mirror what others have pointed out, for me the pacing was slow. You could have easily gotten to the watch, and out to/through the antiques person a lot quicker. Also, the car thing. Yeah, you've heard it so I'm not going to mention it again.
Overall I'd say a strong film. Interesting concept and decently put together. Well done.