A Ghost is Born

I thought this looked good, considering how much of it you did yourself. Good attention to composition in a lot of places. As far as shooting goes, a good first effort.

It was a little long, especially for the fairly trite "catch" ending (which the title gives away from the beginning). And storywise, I had no sympathy whatever for the main character, what with all his whinyness and selfishness.

Could be that you spent pretty much no time on the problems in his life except for a couple of throwaway lines. He got fired, and his girlfriend didn't want to talk about at that second? That's worth killing yourself over? I don't buy it.

Also, I saw very little relationship between them, certainly not enough to get so worked up over.

I think you need to establish the conflict between them much, much earlier in order for it be at all believable. The conflict didn't really arise until the last third of the of film, and by that time, it was fairly weak.

A lot of what was in the voiceover really should have been portrayed onscreen, through action, not words.

And -- if he's a ghost, the idea of him sleeping every night, and setting an alarm to keep the body fresh, doesn't really make sense. I'm sure there's some kind of metaphysical theme you could make from that and probably were intending, but you need to make it more clear, or it's kind of a "huh?" moment given that he's a ghost.

This, of course, is all meant to make it stronger. You've already got a great start on the visual side of things. If you continue to hone the storytelling, you'll end up with some outstanding pieces, I have no doubt.
 
Thanks alot David. The script was written quite fast. I only wanted to make a movie to showcase my cinematography skills and storytelling skills. The production was really quick also. I appreciate all your critique greatly. It was made for my "Intro" to video class in college and neededless to say I got an A on it. I wasn't really worried about the script and performances as much as I should have been.
 
i just peeped your flick and I agree with everything David said. If this was, as you said, primarily to show your eye and ability to tell a story visually, then you did pull it off with a good level of competency. My problems are with the story and characters not the way you executed it.

Adding to David's notes, the relationship conflict needs to be fleshed out alot more, he has problems with his chick because she works out? That's really weak. Obviously the core of it is not that she works out but that she's not 'emotionally available' enough for this wuss, who decides to kill himself cause he can't wait like an hour for her to get back and baby him about losing his job. As you can see I don't have any sympathy for the main character. I think when you are going for this kind of 'Sixth Sense Reveal', that is critical to making your story work. The reveal in Sixth Sense has such impact because we care about The Bruce.

I'd cut out the shaving bit. It's really irrelevant to the story you are telling. I had to force myself to keep watching during that first half because I was really bored right away. That's the first thing that comes to mind as extraneous and cutable in my opinion. Tightening would help this piece overall, as well as addressing some of the story issues already broughten up, if that's possible with the footage.

This is a very promising first effort, look forward to seeing more from you.
 
combattjj,
I have a couple more questions concerning your light set-up, since I think you did such a great job.

1) What did you learn about the limits of your light set-up that you would change differently for a future project. Different lights, etc?

2) Is the opening scene strictly natural light diffused through the window (with bounced boards in interior)?

Thanks. slim
 
I don't know what everyone is complaining about, the movie was great. The only thing I can say is that the acting is slightly flat in some places, but hey I've never made a movie. I think more development could have offset this. I am just wondering what you if you could tell me what equiptment you used (specifically). I am writing a script myself which I hope to make into a full two our movie in the summer of 2006. I came to this board to see the video quality I am looking for as the price of cameras are very high and I have not attended school to have acces sto these things. I do however have knowledge of cinematography and directing as I have been writing and scrutinizing for many years unconsciously and consciously. If you could give me any insights I would love it. Thanks.
 
David Jimerson said:
I thought this looked good, considering how much of it you did yourself. Good attention to composition in a lot of places. As far as shooting goes, a good first effort.

It was a little long, especially for the fairly trite "catch" ending (which the title gives away from the beginning). And storywise, I had no sympathy whatever for the main character, what with all his whinyness and selfishness.

Could be that you spent pretty much no time on the problems in his life except for a couple of throwaway lines. He got fired, and his girlfriend didn't want to talk about at that second? That's worth killing yourself over? I don't buy it.

Also, I saw very little relationship between them, certainly not enough to get so worked up over.

I think you need to establish the conflict between them much, much earlier in order for it be at all believable. The conflict didn't really arise until the last third of the of film, and by that time, it was fairly weak.

A lot of what was in the voiceover really should have been portrayed onscreen, through action, not words.

And -- if he's a ghost, the idea of him sleeping every night, and setting an alarm to keep the body fresh, doesn't really make sense. I'm sure there's some kind of metaphysical theme you could make from that and probably were intending, but you need to make it more clear, or it's kind of a "huh?" moment given that he's a ghost.

This, of course, is all meant to make it stronger. You've already got a great start on the visual side of things. If you continue to hone the storytelling, you'll end up with some outstanding pieces, I have no doubt.
Click to expand...

I agree with much of what you have to say. However, his visual "style" is not that great. It's generic and at times sloppy and oversaturated. The content of the movie is where most of the problems are. So a guy is depressed, whines about a girl not likening him, and kills himself? Not only has this been done thousands of times by other student filmmakers (seriously, thousands) but your execution of it is so awful and poor. Why the hell should the audience care about the protagonist? Why should I pity him? The Voice Over is really awful as well. What is the point of the VO? Too make the character seem “deep.” Seriously, the movie seemed to be some sort of shallow imitation/rip-off of Fight Club, Sixth Sense and A Beautiful Mind.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if you are actually thinking of becoming a better filmmaker, you should first start by stopping to compliment yourself on the “A” you got in your college class. That doesn’t mean anything in the real world. Also, who cares if you did all of the cinematography yourself? That’s really not that hard, and it is what most filmmakers do now a days anyway. You are just making excuses for yourself. If this really was "rushed" then why the hell don't you spend the time and make a good movie? Why should we critique something that is half-assed?

If this was your first movie, it’s not bad. You are better than most at cinematography (if you are just starting out) and it’s good that you completed a project and hopefully got this story out of your system. Like I said, I don’t mean to be harsh, but I am just tiered of movies like this getting posted on this forum and having everyone just lightly pat it on the back and comment on it’s “nice shots” or “nice colors and composition” when it really doesn’t mean anything because the story is horrible and tremendously cliché!

-cody
 
"Also, who cares if you did all of the cinematography yourself? That’s really not that hard, and it is what most filmmakers do now a days anyway"

It's pretty damn difficuult when you are also doing EVERYTHING else at the same time. I agree with the critiques, even most of yours Cody. However, how does personal hostility help any body("why the hell don't you spend the time and make a good movie?")
David Jimerson conducted a fairly comprehensive and very helpful critique, I thought. I think it would be thoughtful to stick to critiqueing the film and not the person.
 
slimjimmed said:
"Also, who cares if you did all of the cinematography yourself? That’s really not that hard, and it is what most filmmakers do now a days anyway"

It's pretty damn difficuult when you are also doing EVERYTHING else at the same time. I agree with the critiques, even most of yours Cody. However, how does personal hostility help any body("why the hell don't you spend the time and make a good movie?")
David Jimerson conducted a fairly comprehensive and very helpful critique, I thought. I think it would be thoughtful to stick to critiqueing the film and not the person.
Click to expand...

I don't mean to be personally hostile, it is difficult to interpret tone over the internet. What I meant by my comments was more of just a general frustration and bewilderment I have with filmmakers (not just him) who say that they were rushed, or had to do all the work. Out of context, the quote "why the hell don't you spend the time and make a good movie?" sounds pretty awful and arrogant, but I was just responding to his reply of how the screenplay was rushed, and how he didn't concentrate on the direction, and then ignored all of it "needless to say, I got an A."

like I said, I don't mean to make personal attacks, but if he asked for our opinion, I'm not going to lie to him.

-cody
 
Nice composition and lighting, and all of that.. But the story needs a lot of work! First off: the title gave away the entire film. I understood from one of the firsts scenes that the guy was dead. And why did he kill himself?? Because he got fired, and because he and his girlfriend had a couple of fights? Seems very unrealistic to me! The girls acting was pretty good, but the guy has to improve if this story should work.
 
Dude, that was pretty good. From a technical stand point, an excellent piece of work: the shots are consistently well lit, framed, and generally edited in a very smooth, satisfying way.

I'm going to say my frank opinions now. The things I thought might be improved are:

1.) The fade to whites. To me, it seems cheesy. Of course, this is really a question of aesthetics, but for me I would never put a fade to white. It makes me think "corny student film" all over.

I would also add the opening credits are cheesy too. Simple white text on a black backround would suffice.

2.) The build up to him killing himself is excellent, but killing himself, for that, I think is unrealistic. You might even expand this to something longer, set him up for a kind of religious journey, or whatever. Think "Stranger Than Paradise" by Jim Jarmusche. But I was dissapointed.

3.) The zooms bother me. Again, I think this has "student film" written all over it. If you look at a well made, big budget production there are almost *never* *ever* zooms, except for the very rare, very slow zoom out.

4.) The bench scene stands out from the rest because it is not well framed.

Overall, this is a great little piece. Cheers.
 
I thought your camera work and choice of camera positions were solid and showed a developed knowledge of how to construct a film but this was the second time I tried to watch this film and had to skip to the end.

An important piece of advice I recieved during a Univeristy induction day was that if you make depressing films no-ones gonna want to work with you. I'm sure your not as miserable as your film but I certaintly didnt want to sit around listening to this guy moaning in a boring monotonous monologue with slightly opressive music for long. If your starting out its important to think about who your audience is and how you want to be percieved.

I agree with Cody - hopefully you've got this film out of your system. I dont think you should be discouraged by the comments here but apply your skills to another film. I'd love to see you make a 1 minute film or apply your decent technical skills to something less boring.
 
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