A Dream of Electric Revolution

This one really shook me and I pinched myself just in case... The twist is very unexpected, haunting for some reason.

I was going to complain about Reb's motivation to go on with the war but at the end it's not important at all... It reminds me a log of a man in the machine and that other one you wrote for MP (also about mighty brain).
No depth to characters, no much action, the machines are the main visual and yet this one is my favorite of the batch... because all these other things seem so unimportant in the end.
 
Glad they finally got this on line. I enjoyed reading it.

They invented commas and possesives for a reason. It's always a good idea to use them when writing.

No need to tell us the robots are marching with white flags a second time - you already established it.

I really liked the subtle humor in the variety of robots and how they acted. Especially the medic robot, very clever and very entertaining.

A nice, easy writing style. Very descriptive, easy to follow, tight and to the point.

SPOILER!



Sorry, but I saw the bit with Reb being a robot early on. His character is so heavy-handed, you know he's going to be the twist at the end and what other twist is there? The guy who hates gets his just desserts by being what he hates.

The other problem I had is the small venue. The seeming end of a war between machines and mankind takes place in an alley and a warehouse. Everyone being concerned that the peace might be jepardized by these small scale events seemed a little off in the global scale of things.

Finally, if the robots can simply shut off the "human" robots with a switch, what is this all about anyway? Why the peace parade? Why let these soldiers run around thinking they're humans in the first place? This, in the end, made no sense to me. It seems you've written a fairly clever twist without considering the overall ramifications of the twist in a realistic scenario.
 
It's a movie. Will you hurry up and write a dystopian robot adventure... Oh, yeah... money. This isn't that ubshootable. It could be done with taste and on a budget. Not for free but with high cinematic effect. You aren't over the top here. The right director could knock this out of the park. There are some here that could.

SPOILERS

Fun twist and it's even better if you know a little about Horse Lover Fat, which I do. Thoroughly enjoyed the read and the extra twist.
I like that you kinda give away Reb on purpose to set us up for the bigger wow.

Lets not forget how insanely clean and fast your reads are and continue to be. You paint a clear picture quickly and efficiently. It's a quickie, but well worth the read.
He shoots, he scores.
 
@KhamIsk - Glad you liked it and 'got' it.

SPOILER

@Taylormade - You just can't fool some people. They really weren't 'turning them off' they were just revealing their true nature.
 
@Taylormade - You just can't fool some people. They really weren't 'turning them off' they were just revealing their true nature.

Okay, and it's no big deal as most people commenting on the script liked it - I did, too.
Still, turning them off or revealing their true nature, what was the purpose of creating robots to fight robots and make the robots beleive they were humans? Clarity, clarity, I'm just seaching for clarity! :)
 
taylormade said:
@Taylormade - You just can't fool some people. They really weren't 'turning them off' they were just revealing their true nature.

Okay, and it's no big deal as most people commenting on the script liked it - I did, too. <-WOW?
Still, turning them off or revealing their true nature, what was the purpose of creating robots to fight robots and make the robots beleive they were humans? Clarity, clarity, I'm just seaching for clarity! :)
Click to expand...

Oh, and this scene would be playing out all over the world. For being sharp enough to figure it all out you missed the obvious clues. The soldiers said they were running out of troops and they heard rumors that they were going to build robots to fight the robots. Now do you think humans that have been fighting robots would volunteer to fight along side robots against robots? So they did what they could and made them look like people. After enough of this all the 'real' humans died and it was just robots against robots, but one side doesn't realize they are robots.

Sometimes you just have to explain everything to some people. :)
 
Great Scott! I just scratched my arm and discovered a steel substructure! Gasp! I'm a..... Now it all makes sense.

Okay, I'll reluctantly go along with the enemy of my enemy is my friend senario. Now that I think of it, it sounds like something the government would come up with.

"Hey, Jerry, we're running out of soldiers to fight those nasty robots that threaten to take over the world!"
"Jeeze, that's bad news. What'll we do?"
"Let's build some robots to fight the robots!"
"But aren't robots bad? Should we really build some more? Isn't that counterproductive?"
"We'll make them look and think like real people!"
"Cool! But won't the other robots know?"
"Yeah, in fact when we're all dead they'll be able to reveal their true nature and provide a killer plot for this guy Chris Keaton."
"But if the robots can reveal the true nature of our robots, why won't they just do it now, before we're all gone? Why would they let our robots fight them?"
"Jesus Christ, Eddie, quit asking all these stupid questions! Get a life!"
"Okay, sorry, but, hey, who's going to pay for all this? Robots are expensive.""
"Don't worry, we'll just raise taxes again."
"Cool!"

I really did like your script a lot. Very visual; it would be terrific up on the screen.
 
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Interesting take. Kinda has an Anamatrix, Terminator Salvation (maybe some Screamers) theme going. First twist I saw once Reb was introduced, it's always the character that disagree the most. The double twist I didn't see coming so that's good. Overall good job.


Saw one missing word in the dialogue.
 
I'm thinking of making the final reveal maybe a little clearer. The robot at the end says something like 'we made this to help you' or something of the sort as it finishes the remote. So it appears that they didn't have this technology all along?
 
Wasn't "Bladerunner" directed by Ridley Scott based on a Book by Philip K. Dick named "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"? Just thought I mention it since your title was almost similar to his.
 
bleach551 said:
Wasn't "Bladerunner" directed by Ridley Scott based on a Book by Philip K. Dick named "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"? Just thought I mention it since your title was almost similar to his.
Click to expand...

I'm sure that's what inspired the title. Good eye. :)
 
Hey Chris. As usual I really enjoyed your writing style and alway love your great descriptions such as "In the alley a parade of robots ranging from practically humanoid to toasters on wheels march." One simple sentence that tells everything you need to know. Something I always struggle with.

As a story and an ending, overall I cant say it really did it for me. Ive just read some other comments and I "got it" completely with one read, no issue there and personally I see no need to clarify.

I just had way too many questions at the end, the biggest being well ok they were all robots, but what purpose did they serve during the actual conflict? And the other, during the conflict - one of them was bound to be severely injured wouldn't they have discovered the cyborg ness of themselves?

I enjoyed it - but I thought overall the set up and twist was a bit 2 dimensional - for a Chris Keaton script.
 
@Noel - Argh, you figured out the major flaw that I just realized yesterday. Someone would have to have been injured before.

Maybe they are programmed to not recognize their own form. Maybe when the other robot shows up making some kind of remote the first thing it does is take this block away, so they are freaked out realizing that reb is a robot and then next they the remote does is allow them to realize their own situation?
 
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Allow me to be the last to comment! :)

On the whole, I liked the concept, but as with so many shorts that I've read (and written), the story was too compressed. I don't want to say rushed, but the character's never really popped out for me. Reb's rage and subsequent "charge" didn't feel real, like there wasn't enough build up or contemplation by the character. What was worse was when we find out he's a cyborg, presumably AI, why was he allowed by the human programmers to evolve into this unchained killer. While the twist was definitely unseen, I tried to find the purpose in the cyborgs fighting for the resistance. I got the whole part about the recruiters and the shortage of troops, but to supplement your own army with the same enemy you're fighting was lost on me. I wish it had been a 20 pager so you could have had more space to build on some of the finer points. I gave you high marks in spite of my notes because it was definitely well written, and aside from my nit-picking, was a great story!

And because I one day wish to have your child!
 
Yes. A little more meat and this would have been out of the park for me. As it stands, it's still pretty damn good. Had I been able to know REB and some of the others a little more before the final reveal I think this would be perfect.

Get me to care about them before hitting me with the hook.

I love the concept though. It has a great vibe and I could envision the ending quite clearly.
Great short.
 
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