"A Compassionate Heart"
A Compassionate Heart - based on real events that took place in Rikuzen Takata City
- Thread starter Noel Evans
- Start date
Tom Shortridge
Well-known member
I'm in the same boat - looking forward to what you come up with!
Anthony Todaro
Well-known member
Love true events. Always stranger than fiction. Looks intriguing.
Probably needs a bit more of an iron out but uploaded.
RodThompson
Veteran
Allow me to be the first!
YOUR SCRIPT SUCKS!
Kidding!
I really enjoyed the approach you took to the assignment. One person standing up for what they believe in amidst the persuasion and almost forceful coercion of others. In a sense, I suppose that is truly the way of the Samurai, and the honorable death only adds to the overall quality of the character in relation to samurai. I think the theme of "guilt" was well-built and setup from the beginning and the quick flash to the younger nurse at the end was a good reminder of that. Overall, I give you good mahks, cuz you're wicked smaht!
YOUR SCRIPT SUCKS!
Kidding!
I really enjoyed the approach you took to the assignment. One person standing up for what they believe in amidst the persuasion and almost forceful coercion of others. In a sense, I suppose that is truly the way of the Samurai, and the honorable death only adds to the overall quality of the character in relation to samurai. I think the theme of "guilt" was well-built and setup from the beginning and the quick flash to the younger nurse at the end was a good reminder of that. Overall, I give you good mahks, cuz you're wicked smaht!
Cheers Rod. Also as I said its a touch raw - I just found two typos. DOH.
RodThompson
Veteran
I never find typos when reading (well sometimes) but if the story is good enough, I miss them completely.
taylormade
Well-known member
I really like this one. Very well written with a timely and interesting subject. You chose a non=violent plotline, devoid of flashing swords, flying blood and general mayhem. That took guts and you made it work.
I thought the opening was interesting as you can take it both ways - either Tomoko really did botch the attempt at drawing blood, or she is being blamed for something the young nurse actually did. Both thoughts occured to me as I read the script.
A minor nit-pick - I don't think they can announce the earthquake before it actually happens. Could be wrong on that one, but the woman announcing they had detected a quake and the time before it hit threw me off. The only spot in the script that took me out of the story.
And of course the ending. It has to be, it's the whole reason the script exists, but you can see it coming so early that it destroys much of the tension. But then, this script has a very Japanese feel to it, one of inevitability, which makes it work in the context of the story.
Great job, one of my favorite scripts in the contest.
I thought the opening was interesting as you can take it both ways - either Tomoko really did botch the attempt at drawing blood, or she is being blamed for something the young nurse actually did. Both thoughts occured to me as I read the script.
A minor nit-pick - I don't think they can announce the earthquake before it actually happens. Could be wrong on that one, but the woman announcing they had detected a quake and the time before it hit threw me off. The only spot in the script that took me out of the story.
And of course the ending. It has to be, it's the whole reason the script exists, but you can see it coming so early that it destroys much of the tension. But then, this script has a very Japanese feel to it, one of inevitability, which makes it work in the context of the story.
Great job, one of my favorite scripts in the contest.
Thank you for your comments. Really glad you enjoyed it.
Just on that point. Its an interesting one for sure. But its based on fact. Theres even a mobile phone app in wide use that does this very thing. The city hall in each city area is the hub and they all have early warning systems.
How it works - if the earthquake is centred below the area to be warned - well then no, your just going to be hit, such as the Christchurch NZ earthquake. This large earthquakes' epicentre was out to sea and as such an early warning alert was issued to most areas. Same for the resulting Tsunami.
Take a look at this as an example of what Im talking about
Just on that point. Its an interesting one for sure. But its based on fact. Theres even a mobile phone app in wide use that does this very thing. The city hall in each city area is the hub and they all have early warning systems.
How it works - if the earthquake is centred below the area to be warned - well then no, your just going to be hit, such as the Christchurch NZ earthquake. This large earthquakes' epicentre was out to sea and as such an early warning alert was issued to most areas. Same for the resulting Tsunami.
Take a look at this as an example of what Im talking about
KhamIsk
Well-known member
It's very straight forward. Easy to film perhaps? Very easy to follow. A bit simple perhaps for my tastes but I like complicated stuff. You gave it depth when said she couldn't do the injection right - I really appreciated that part. Yes she might be not as experience at what she does but she has a heart...- that's beautiful.
Reminds me of Hotel Rwanda somewhat but that one is a feature. Have you seen it? Maybe yours could be developed into a feature...
Reminds me of Hotel Rwanda somewhat but that one is a feature. Have you seen it? Maybe yours could be developed into a feature...
taylormade
Well-known member
I stand corrected. You learn something everyday.
Anthony Todaro
Well-known member
SPOILERS
Gut wrenching. I don’t care if you finished or not. Compelling. This would easily fly on screen. Nurses code of honor is an interesting spin on the theme.
At the end when they are singing and the alarms are sounding... I wanted to see one thing I didn't.... A small bead of water just one. Just speed past her on the floor and maybe when she sees it that's when she starts singing... or maybe she sees it as they are... not sure... It would just add a little more to her awesomeness and the head nurses dishonorable cowardess. That's not a critique, it's a suggestion. Bravo.
Gut wrenching. I don’t care if you finished or not. Compelling. This would easily fly on screen. Nurses code of honor is an interesting spin on the theme.
At the end when they are singing and the alarms are sounding... I wanted to see one thing I didn't.... A small bead of water just one. Just speed past her on the floor and maybe when she sees it that's when she starts singing... or maybe she sees it as they are... not sure... It would just add a little more to her awesomeness and the head nurses dishonorable cowardess. That's not a critique, it's a suggestion. Bravo.
Chris_Keaton
ScriptFEST Mod
Notes:
- If you want the viewer to know the day and time put them under the header in a SUPER.
- A general trim and compress could ease the read.
- Lose the (CONTINUED)s
- Holy huge action block. Action blocks should represent what is seen in each shot. Your 9 line action block reads as if it should be at least 3 blocks.
This is an interesting human piece. I like the simplicity and heart. Might be logistically hard to shoot. A good job!
- If you want the viewer to know the day and time put them under the header in a SUPER.
- A general trim and compress could ease the read.
- Lose the (CONTINUED)s
- Holy huge action block. Action blocks should represent what is seen in each shot. Your 9 line action block reads as if it should be at least 3 blocks.
This is an interesting human piece. I like the simplicity and heart. Might be logistically hard to shoot. A good job!
Michael Anthony Horrigan
More Cowbell Pictures
Very nice. I think you really nailed the theme with this one. Sad but clearly engrossing and had me a little on the edge of my seat.
Very well done.
Very well done.