SHORT: 15 Min. Dramatic Short Film [4 Cam HDSLR Shoot, NTG3, Lensbaby Composer, 2 Glidecams]

It's an interesting concept, and a pretty good story. I sort of had to force myself to watch to the end, though.

The scene where she wakes him up to tell him she's moving has two cameras, but they don't match. The colors are just off between the two, and it shows especially in her shirt.

The split screen does not alleviate the need for frequent cuts. Those shots just went so long that it got monotonous.

The acting was okay... not fantastic, but okay. However, when they finally meet up again in the bar, the bartender is just sitting there through the whole conversation, creeping behind the cash register. That was distracting. It's like he was there just waiting for his one line. It takes away from the intimacy, albeit awkward intimacy, of the conversation.

Audio is the biggest killer here. It's inconsistent. When it's good, it's passable. When it's bad, it's terrible. For scenes like the art gallery and the bar, did you add walla in post, or were the background players actually talking in the background? It sounds very much like the latter, which isn't a good sound. There are scenes where the audio is very thin and brittle, or where it's got no high end, or (such as the bar) where one of the actors is barely audible. Both poor mic choice (shotguns don't always behave indoors) and poor mic placement are at play here. Dialog can get buried in room reflections and background noise. Plus, it sounds like the audio post did more harm than good.

Just my thoughts. Sound can kill a picture faster than a slightly off image.
 
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GoodLuck said:
nevermind
Click to expand...

OK, the audio was bad, so let's not dwell on the obvious.

You have a drama where characters are meeting and getting into a relationship. Yet, you kept shooting all external reverses. An external reverse provides coverage externally to the shared space of the characters. Its usually not a good idea to give a character more than a third of the frame either in the reverse with their back to the camera unless there is a very strong reason to and I saw no such visual rationale. An internal reverse provides coverage to let the audience inside the shared space between the characters and makes them feel more connected to the characters and their emotions. If we want the audience to get even more intimate with a character in an internal, we can do this by getting as close to the eyeline as is appropriate to the spot in the story. Something which generally works for reactions as well. As the director, its something to coordinate with your DP and/or camera operator. While a director doesn't necessarily have to have the specialized skills of a DP or even a cinematographer, its very helpful to learn about the fundamentals surrounding blocking and staging scenes. You should pick up a copy of the hollywoodcamerawork blocking and staging dvd series. I wish a training aid like this existed many years ago. It would have helped me shoot things so my audiences could keep their lunch down.

I like that you chose to try your hand at a drama. Its a good genre to practice your directorial skills on. I also liked the story idea. Keep 'em coming.
 
Yeah that's one thing about filmmakers, they see it all. I know all the mistakes I made intimately and have planned ways to make the next thing much better. As a director though unfortunately you can't do it all but you're sort of expected to. I think blocking is one of my weaknesses as a director and something I'm going to definitely work on improving. This was my first shoot with a multi-cam shoot, we had 4 cameras, and I learned a lot on it. I plan to study that hollywoodcameraworks before my next project for sure as I get into more complex stuff. I feel like I'm getting closer to closing the gap as to where I want to be.
 
I enjoyed this a lot. Acting seemed pretty good, and you conveyed some decent emotion. THe sound was in and out, a bit of a turn off was some of your worst sound was at the very begining which gives a bad first impression, but a few minutes in i had forgotten aboutit.

The split screen shots worked in some cases, but in others it took me a moment to figure out why they were both facing the camera in stead of each other and then i realized i just couldnt see the split at first.

Overall nicely done, id like to see more.
 
Nice work. Maybe some of the responses were a tiny bit harsh (even though they were good points). The bartender WAS distracting... the problem I think was that he was watching the principals--he should have been doing bartending business or pretending to serve offscreen customers maybe. Also the frame was a bit too accomodating to him in my opinion. Probably wouldn't have hurt to open up the aperture and throw him out of focus a bit more, too.

The thing about the external reverse shots was really interesting. I personally was okay with them--it's true they set the viewer at a distance, but they also unite the couple, not just spatially, but in the unity our gaze (sorry). They also create a sort of voyeuristic quality which, yeah, is kind of creepy, but also gives us a sort of fly-on-the-wall sensation which can work.

For me the biggest challenge was the breadth of the material--it felt too wide for a short. Seemed an awful lot like it wanted to be a feature and ended up being a whistle-stop tour of all the major plot points. NOT saying 15 minutes is too long for a short, not at all--I just suspect that shorts might work better with a more focused, Aristotlean (oops) unity of space and time. Speaking just as a fan of vimeo et al, I've noticed that the most emotionally resonant pieces are the ones that focus on observing a richness of detail within the moment as opposed to some wide-spanning dramaturgy.

ANYWAY--the real reason I wanted to comment: It's really amazing to see a film produced from a script by a woman. How often does that happen around here???? The perspective is totally different.

So thanks--enjoyed watching and thinking about your film.
 
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