Valor

jamiejay

jamiejay

Well-known member
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photo by: David Jerome


"Insanity is contagious."


Looks like I'm in. Time to go upload. :)

 
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i had difficulty with this genre. which is odd, considering nearly every movie i own is from this genre. :)
 
Jamie, all things aside. Glad to see youre back and wish you the best of luck. Im sure its going to be another good read.
 
I really enjoyed the story Jamie. I love the feel of your writing. I'm going to nickname this in my notes "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride". I kind of feel bad for old Nicky. He seems like an ok guy. I hope he can get out of this mess. He always does right?
I like this line. It made me laugh.

(Man, that dude was crazy, man. He was all "excuse me, fine gentleman" and shi*.)

great job Jaimie
 
Yes I quite I enjoyed this as well. The characters were amusing with some neat little memorable qualities that let them stick in your head. If this were a fruit juice it would be a cool fruit cocktail! Lots of ingredients!

The story was amusing enough, quirky - but it was a bit hard to see it as a pulp genre piece as opposed to something more unusual! Sorry for the somewhat abstract feedback - it still gets a thumbs up from me mate :)
 
Crazy in a hugely enjoyable way. Felt like he should have walked away scott free somehow through some stroke of luck.

Loved the feel of it, barminess like tabbing a cigarette then not lighting it with the line 'No thanks, I'm trying to quit'. Says a lot that the script pulls stuff like that off.
 
~SPOILERS BELOW~

one hell of a ride! ...you packed a lot of stuff into 10 pages. i love movies like this where the guy just can't leave well enough alone to keep himself out of trouble. all he wanted was some donuts, and look what happened! haha...

your dialog is great; a lot of character comes through just by what people are saying, and how they're saying it.

fast paced, fun story. never boring or predictable. good job, jamie. :thumbsup:
 
david jerome said:
I really enjoyed the story Jamie. I love the feel of your writing. I'm going to nickname this in my notes "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride". I kind of feel bad for old Nicky. He seems like an ok guy. I hope he can get out of this mess. He always does right?
I like this line. It made me laugh.

(Man, that dude was crazy, man. He was all "excuse me, fine gentleman" and shi*.)

great job Jaimie
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Redcloak said:
Crazy in a hugely enjoyable way. Felt like he should have walked away scott free somehow through some stroke of luck.

Loved the feel of it, barminess like tabbing a cigarette then not lighting it with the line 'No thanks, I'm trying to quit'. Says a lot that the script pulls stuff like that off.
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Thanks, David and Redcloak. Glad the eccentricity worked for you. I think I would like to do an alternate ending with Valor somehow getting away scott free. That would work with the line you referred to, David, that Valor says to himself in the mirror: "You’ll get out of this, Valor. You always do."


lawriejaffa said:
Yes I quite I enjoyed this as well. The characters were amusing with some neat little memorable qualities that let them stick in your head. If this were a fruit juice it would be a cool fruit cocktail! Lots of ingredients!

The story was amusing enough, quirky - but it was a bit hard to see it as a pulp genre piece as opposed to something more unusual! Sorry for the somewhat abstract feedback - it still gets a thumbs up from me mate :)
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I hope their is at least a little vodka in the fruit cocktail.
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I was definitely going more towards the Taratino Pulp. Thanks.

preston said:
~SPOILERS BELOW~

one hell of a ride! ...you packed a lot of stuff into 10 pages. i love movies like this where the guy just can't leave well enough alone to keep himself out of trouble. all he wanted was some donuts, and look what happened! haha...

your dialog is great; a lot of character comes through just by what people are saying, and how they're saying it.

fast paced, fun story. never boring or predictable. good job, jamie. :thumbsup:
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krestofre said:
Fun, light-hearted ride. Enjoyed it!
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Thanks Preston and krestofre. I appreciate it. :beer:
 
I enjoyed this script a lot. I like the characters you created, especially the main character. I really liked the dialogue, some genuinely funny moments, which I think is the hardest to write. Good description. I think you're really finding your voice. Good work.
 
I must say that I dig your eccentric style. You also seem to have a strong grasp on pacing.

This was fun to read and would be equally fun to watch.


***SPOILER ALERT***

Throughout, I got a is-he-crazy-or-does-crazy-shi*-really-happen-to-him vibe which I got caught up in.

Favorite Line:
"Yeah, he very bad man. He evil."
 
This was an enjoyable read. Story was well set-up and kept me interested for duration. Very easy to follow.


Liked your dialog the best. Some great lines and it helped to breath life into the characters (even the ones with limited screen time). Well done. Liked the line "Let’s get a drink. I’m starving."

Descriptions are a bit wordy in places but paint the story effectively laughed out loud at "and fists all go flying in one giant cluster ****"

Liked the ending and really liked the use if news cast and final lines of news. Very effective.

Good job and well done.
 
Yes, I agree with the above I thought it was a good story, well paced, funny in places and with some great characters. I also thought he would some how - Pink-Panther wise - get off scot free, with the gangs and the police taking each other out, leaving him in the middle alive. Good work mate.
 
CallaghanFilms said:
I must say that I dig your eccentric style. You also seem to have a strong grasp on pacing.

This was fun to read and would be equally fun to watch.


***SPOILER ALERT***

Throughout, I got a is-he-crazy-or-does-crazy-shi*-really-happen-to-him vibe which I got caught up in.

Favorite Line:
"Yeah, he very bad man. He evil."
Click to expand...

Thanks for reading, Callaghan. I'm glad you liked it.

I actually came up with a number of scenes that I ended up not including for time and I think it would be fun to go back and make it a much longer script. :)
 
seansshack said:
This was an enjoyable read. Story was well set-up and kept me interested for duration. Very easy to follow.

Liked your dialog the best. Some great lines and it helped to breath life into the characters (even the ones with limited screen time). Well done. Liked the line "Let’s get a drink. I’m starving."

Descriptions are a bit wordy in places but paint the story effectively laughed out loud at "and fists all go flying in one giant cluster poo poo"

Liked the ending and really liked the use if news cast and final lines of news. Very effective.

Good job and well done.
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Thanks, Sean. I appreciate it. :beer:


DarkElastic said:
Yes, I agree with the above I thought it was a good story, well paced, funny in places and with some great characters. I also thought he would some how - Pink-Panther wise - get off scot free, with the gangs and the police taking each other out, leaving him in the middle alive. Good work mate.
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I really am considering making this into a longer script. I have so much I could add to the story. If I do, I think I will try an ending with him getting away.
 
jamiejay said:
I really am considering making this into a longer script. I have so much I could add to the story. If I do, I think I will try an ending with him getting away.
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like at the end of TRUE ROMANCE where CLARENCE and ALABAMA somehow escape the mad shootout and get away with all the cash... :grin:
 
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