"ONE MORE VICTIM" - presented by The Allentown Film Crew

Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated. I think you are spot on with your comments. My biggest issue with the film was the lighting. I just didn't have any lighting gear so I had to kind of make do.

Also, the HVX LCD sucks bigtime. The footage I shot came out much darker than it appeared on the LCD. I need to get a better monitor for this next time.

This is our first short shot so hopefully we will get better. Your comments are much appreciated.
 
mjjason said:
This is our first short shot so hopefully we will get better. Your comments are much appreciated.
Click to expand...

If thats the case then very well done IMO. I think if you personally look at it subjectively, which you seem to be, you can see what needs to be made better for next time.

I agree with ZAZA, that balls line was great.

There was one thing that kind of bothered me in this short. The superfluous, bloody killing. I just think this could have been depicted more tastefully that would server the story a lot more clearly.

Well done mate.
 
There are some really good shots in this short and the ones that had the proper lighting look great. The lighting has already been talked about, so I won't rehash it again. The problem I have with your short is it's another killer stalking/threatening a young woman. I'm really tired of seeing it. Also, I didn't get what the situation was with the visions or his power to open/close doors. But hey, since it's your first short, don't sweat it, and take all this with a grain of salt. The next guy might love it.

cheers,

Jon
 
The gratuitous bloodshed is not my thing either but I did like a few pieces of your film. The street were the hookers stand is a great location.

Congrats on getting your first film completed!

:beer:
 
Good job on getting a film done that in itself is quite an accomplishment. On the other hand spend a little more time making sure the audience gets it to some degree. We all know what our films are about and just expect everyone to get it. We have made similar mistakes a few times our selves. Good job keep it up and shot higher for the next fest.
Pauly
 
pauly_the_hitman said:
Good job on getting a film done that in itself is quite an accomplishment. On the other hand spend a little more time making sure the audience gets it to some degree. We all know what our films are about and just expect everyone to get it. We have made similar mistakes a few times our selves. Good job keep it up and shot higher for the next fest.
Pauly
Click to expand...

I am curious to know if a lot of other people had this problem. I thought the story and what was happening was clear enough in the short but maybe not. There were some additional VFX shots that I wanted to include but I couldn't get them done in time. It would have made more sense of the supernatural parts but I thought the story was still clear without those shots. Maybe I am wrong on that part.

Did other people have this same issue?
 
I think if his eyes were glowing red, even just for a few seconds at important plot points, his supernatural evil powers would have made more sense to the viewer.
 
Or maybe a better sound effect when he used them.

Interesting idea. The blood scene did go on a little long and I think some of the pacing could have been tightened with editing.

The acting was quite good. The prostitutes came off as quite real as well. Good acting all around. Some of the shots were quite interesting.

Cheers,

Mike
 
Some of the storytelling is really good here. The visual montage with the church steeple, the roses, the fountain, and the swings is something I really enjoyed. But I don't think it's made entirely clear why he lets her go; some kind of epiphany on his part I imagine. This part didn't get across to me entirely.

The hookers' dialog/delivery seemed a little forced and there's a continuity error or two in that scene. But I really like the shot looking out at them from the inside of the car. Really gives that foreshadowing/errie feeling that these girls are soon to be mince meat. I know it didn't turn out that way, but still.

Looking forward to your next fest entry!
 
I thought the story here was pretty good. You had some pretty good cinematography here as well. The acting could have been better and I think if it was it would have really pulled off the story better. Good job though.
 
Really good job for a first film. There is potential in many different elements of your film here. Most people have already mentioned the main issues. The acting for the most part was OK. The hooker in the fur coat could slow down her delivery. There's not much else I think I can say that hasn't been said. I think you're off to a good start.
 
Balls line delivery was great. First location was fantastic. Editing could have been a lot tighter. I saw you mention the lighting earlier. Would love to see you get your hands on some equipment (mess around with what you can find on the cheap, a little can go along way :D). I understood the story just fine, but wasn’t riveted to it. Just not my thing. I’m not a fan of gratuitous violence towards women. We get enough of that in EVERY crime drama on tv. Though I find I oddly don't mind seeing a man cut to pieces. Meh. Maybe I enjoy karma.

For a first movie you did really good. Very ambitious getting your actors and locations together. That’s what it’s gonna take! Keep it up!
 
story was a bit confusing in that i didnt get what the killer was looking for and then why he let the victim go. i see he had telekinetic powers of some kind and that he could also see things, but what was he?

that said, the acting was very good considering the subject matter, i thought the victim did great, as did the killer. stronger editing might make the hookers' scene look a bit better too.

too much knife dripping blood though. see it once, okay, twice, no, too much. i get it. he's into killing.

some of the shots were great, outside by the hookers, and where the victim was on the cell phone to list 2 off the top of my head.

this story seems very ambitious in wanting to try and say a lot in 6 minutes!
 
Hey,

Just caught the flick. This was a very interesting piece and I could see the message you were trying to get across. I thought some of the shots could have varied a little and the lighting in the hotel was a bit dark for my taste.

I do like the way you set up the piece, with the "whores" talking about the other crimes. I thought that worked. Not sure why this perpetrator would zero in on a well-to-do looking girl when there are obvious prostitutes there asking for his company. Not sure how that works into the story.

Otherwise, I think this piece needed a bit more. But thanks for showing.
 
Carrying on the tradition from Timefest, the AIM sessions have returned, a live stream of whatever may come out of our heads as we watch your films. Here are Ben Sliker and Brad Mates thoughts on "ONE MORE VICTIM."

spesliker (9:33:19 PM): ONE MORE VICTIM
TheBrad84 (9:33:38 PM): should be the theme of the aim sessions
spesliker (9:33:46 PM): ZING!
TheBrad84 (9:34:05 PM): im here all week, 6:30 show is different from the 7:30 show
spesliker (9:34:08 PM): don't forget to tip your waitress
spesliker (9:34:19 PM): rdy?
TheBrad84 (9:34:23 PM): yes
spesliker (9:34:25 PM): 3
spesliker (9:34:25 PM): 2
spesliker (9:34:26 PM): 1
spesliker (9:34:28 PM): go
spesliker (9:34:43 PM): SATAN!
TheBrad84 (9:34:48 PM): i already like this movie
spesliker (9:34:50 PM): hail satan!
TheBrad84 (9:34:52 PM): points for the dark master
spesliker (9:35:01 PM): is that nicolas cage?
TheBrad84 (9:35:17 PM): poo poo cock ass
spesliker (9:35:23 PM): hookers... satan... BOOYAH
spesliker (9:35:48 PM): you wanna twirl?
TheBrad84 (9:36:05 PM): nice rounders reference
spesliker (9:36:07 PM): oh he's black ... he can't be nicolas cage.
spesliker (9:36:20 PM): again ... what's with the black satans?
spesliker (9:36:35 PM): this whole fest is racist.
spesliker (9:36:53 PM): i prefer the "zues satan"
TheBrad84 (9:36:57 PM): and of course a white girl is the christian
TheBrad84 (9:37:00 PM): i am outraged
TheBrad84 (9:37:08 PM): this is outrageous
spesliker (9:37:09 PM): this is outrageous
TheBrad84 (9:37:12 PM): FACED
spesliker (9:37:13 PM): DAMMIT
TheBrad84 (9:37:47 PM): YOU WILL PLAY BOUNCY BALL WITH ME *****
spesliker (9:37:53 PM): i'm glad we have a black president now, be a role model for this guy.
TheBrad84 (9:38:26 PM): lol
spesliker (9:38:38 PM): POWER OF CHRIST
spesliker (9:38:42 PM): POWER OF CHRIST
spesliker (9:38:57 PM): marie is stunned right now ...
TheBrad84 (9:39:06 PM): really? amazing grace? thats not even in the bible!
spesliker (9:39:20 PM): maybe not in YOUR bible.
spesliker (9:39:24 PM): damn lutherans
TheBrad84 (9:39:31 PM): we cut out the boring stuff
TheBrad84 (9:39:40 PM): like the old testament
spesliker (9:39:56 PM): this guy just got PWNED by god.
spesliker (9:40:03 PM): the ultimate moderator
spesliker (9:40:37 PM): i wish god would have gone old testament on that guy.
spesliker (9:41:01 PM): none of that pussy stuff after he had a kid.
TheBrad84 (9:41:08 PM): lol
spesliker (9:41:49 PM): i hope he meant for us to make religious jokes about his film, he really left us no choice.
TheBrad84 (9:42:16 PM): so...that guy was evil and the girl was good...you can tell by the pentagram and cross. the hookers don't have any signifiier so does that make them neutral?
spesliker (9:42:33 PM): that's right
spesliker (9:42:38 PM): in this equation
spesliker (9:42:43 PM): hookers are the constant
TheBrad84 (9:42:55 PM): so by definition hookers aren't bad....good news for brad
spesliker (9:42:57 PM): god=x and satan=y
spesliker (9:43:07 PM): x is greater than y
spesliker (9:43:48 PM): i bet they had the whole story laid out and then were like "wait ... how can we add hookers into this"
spesliker (9:44:03 PM): i know that always crosses my mind when i finish a script
spesliker (9:44:34 PM): final thoughts?
TheBrad84 (9:46:43 PM): visually it was ok, nothing special. the sound could use work. the acting was weak for me. especially the bad guy. the dialog was painful at times. the story and the christian overtones were corny and cliche.

Great first effort, lots of little technical stuff that needed to be worked on, but you've heard most of that already from other reviews. Look forward to the next one. :beer:
 
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