"Developed" - a hopeful!

Review | POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I watch the movies first time around strictly for enjoyment, second and third for review.

Hey guys. Neat concept going on here. Don't know if I've seen work from this group before, so I'm not sure about improvements and all.

Script - Concept playing off of the "Camera Pictures steal souls" myth was cool to see. Not sure how many times it's been done, this is probably a completely different take on it. I think where it falls apart is in the presentation. The structure was fairly three act, but the voice-over could've used some work.

Direction - I saw some dolly shots going on, and they were okay. I think your strongest one was the push in toward the window during the beginning of the V.O. Also, the picture snapping in the dark preludes to something neat. I liked that as well. There were times when the framing made things seem more "amateur" than I'd like. But I don't see anything that stands out as too bad.

Acting - No line deliveries aside from the V.O actor, I wasn't too happy with that. It just didn't sound like a natural pitch. Maybe he didn't have the right voice for it? As far as the action delivery, working within what I assume was your means, it was okay. Needed a little bit of fine tuning. One part that stood out to me was when your leading male kind of stood behind the car and then ran. It seemed really out of place. Maybe this goes along with directing, though. Did you guys use a real knife or a fake knife? It looked like he was afraid to get in there and sell the stab at the end.


Cine/Lighting - I didn't see much creative lighting in the house scenes, which is probably where it could've bene applied. I did, however, see some on the book portions. That wasn't too bad at all. Nothing too dark for my tastes, which is usually a sticky subject for me. I like to be able to SEE things. So, everything looks okay.

Editing - Nothing stood out to be as poor editing. I think this is my worst point of criticism on all the shorts. I just can't pin-point excellent editing unless it really matches the content. Sorry i don't have more here.

Sound - Back to that V.O. He just... didn't do it for me. HOWEVER! I like the score/soundtrack. It's about time I hear some new-age ambient driven stuff. Whoever came up with the haunting electronica please, thank them. I rewatched a third time to listen to that.

Special Effects - Not special effects driven, and it didn't need to be.

Scariest Moments - The leading male standing in the most peculiar places for what seemed forever without being SEEN. Stalker even.

Overall consensus - Great getting out there and gettin at em. If you ever got back to reworking the concept into something even better I think you could pull it off. As it stands, it was a watchable piece all the way through. Thanks for showcasing!
 
i agree completely about the voiceover, we did it twice. the first take had less reverb, thus making it a better voice over quality. the lines werent read the way i wanted them... so, we did a second take. the lines came out better but it was too close to the submission deadline (which caused a lot of cutting corners for this piece...) - the knife was real, my talent had good training in stage combat fighting, certainly not film fighting... i neglected to reshoot the scene, and i did notice the hand bending before it hits the boyfriend's abdominal section. my fault there. thank you so much for your review, your comments have been more than helpful! it was fun to make a film for such a, how you say, 'prestigious' competition. im truly up against some of the best!

HAPPY HORRORFEST
 
I enjoyed checking it out. Glad to see my crappy reviews are valuable to some people. Glad you had fun dude!
 
thanks, good sir. the same to you. i look forward to the review. (man, does anyone else feel like it's christmas time? -- we go from individual thread to individual thread giving compliments and reviews... checking your thread is like looking under the tree for gifts?) ha. man. whew.

ROCK ON!!
 
Developed


Script
Your film was driven by the thoughts of your lead, through voiceover. I think most of the writing was good. I am not a fan of VO driven pieces for the most part, but yours didn’t bother me.

Acting
Good, didn’t require too much here, but the actors fit the parts fine.

Cinematography
Some really great shots! One in particular being the car shot with the two cars driving down the street. I think however this short suffered what a lot have to this point, there’s no balance. There will be an amazing shot one moment and then just an average shot the next. I really liked how you opened with the pan over the photos, nice.

Editing
I felt it could have been chopped down a bit… I think your slow-mo at the end could have done without. Just my opinion 

Score
Good, didn’t notice it, which is good in this case, flowed with the piece.

Overall Impressions
Good film. I haven’t seen much of your work, so I don’t know how experienced you are. I think with the time constraints you did a good job. Thanks for the watch!
 
Kyle, man I loved what you did. Very simple and haunting. Some great shots with the guy stalking. Especially the one in the window at the house and then on the couple and back to the window. So simple yet effective. And I love the blowing curtains!

Speaking of shots, I loved your dolly shot around the fountain. Nicely done. I wonder why it was done in the direction that you chose. Did you try it with the camera on the left side of the fountain with the couple coming out of the coffee shop and then dolly to the right and have the stalker come directly towards the camera? I feel that this would be more effective.

I also loved the shot of the camera pushing into the window at the coffee shop.

The guy running in the garage seemed out of place. Very eye catching if I was being stalked. Maybe a choice, though.

The guy walking towards the house with a biga$$ knife in his hand blew me away! I guess they don't have a neighborhood watch program there! :) I REALLY would think that it would have been very effective to have the guy approach with the camera and then on the word, "knife" reveal the knife sticking in the back of his pants or something. You kinda took the "mystery" out when you revealed that before the line. Just my opinion.

And lastly, THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE BLOOD!!!! The wound he gave her should have spilled blood all over her and the bed. That last shot with the negatives would have been so much more dramatic with a bloody, messy dead girl!

Oh, and also, the guy stabbing the boyfriend seemed so unreal. I wish that you would have used a fake knife or shot it so we didn't see the knife. A guy capable of these crimes would have THRUST the knife into his victim.

I know that I am being picky. I saw a lot of things that I did like!!! Especially the story itself. I like HOW it was told. I love the constant narrative. (I would prefer a better mic, but I suck at sound myself!)

I loved the score behind it all!

Really great job. Nicely told. We executed! Great shots of the driving vehicles and the guy through the windshield at the stop sign!

Can't wait to see more of your work!!!

Ted
 
Kyle, Developed is a little gem!!
I really liked your cinematography and editing, couldnt find anything in there that bothered me. I loved your car 'chase' shots and the one where they are stopping at a red light (possibly) and we see the two cars with the photographer at the back out of focus!

As Ted said, walking up the house holding the knife was STRONG stuff but I would love to see more splatter in the house. I dont quite get how he killed her since there is no throat cut at the last scene and no blood on the sheets.

Loved the line 'i am the kind of guy to leave the negatives behind' is kinda funny actually :)

Your intro was very well planned and delivered, you did your work there with the photos and all.

I have my usual objections about sound...you didnt use much sound and went with Voice Over that was well spoken but no ambience in it...like a guy talking in an empty room. I d love more location sound since you had shots all over the city...
 
Hello -

Definitely have to echo the comments about the voiceover - it gets hard to follow after a while. I think you could have easily chopped out 2/3 of the voiceover, and you would have still conveyed the same story.

Everything looked really good. Good work!
 
Lingothree said:
Hello -

Definitely have to echo the comments about the voiceover - it gets hard to follow after a while. I think you could have easily chopped out 2/3 of the voiceover, and you would have still conveyed the same story.

Everything looked really good. Good work!
Click to expand...

I agree with this, but half to say that the acting of the lead is waht sold me on this. I felt like he really was that character. It felt well paced, and the shots were nice. I would reccomend turning the detail up slightly or maybe bringing the Master Ped down. I shoot with my master ped at -7. That way the images will be a little sharper and less washed out. I also would have believed the kill alot mor if there was a Lot more blood. Her neck was cut, yet the bed was clean? Overall, I thought this did quite well, and I enjoyed it! Good stuff!!
 
The cinematography was quite creative and professional I thought and very well done. Stood out for me. Sound...fit prefect. Acting was as it should be (Good). Not big on the story, pace wise ,but will watch again. The intro credits, 48 secs before first shot? But again, camera work especially,cine, editing, sound, all very very good and will revisit this and maybe I'LL come around storywise. Pretty hi overall. Very good I thought.
 
thank you raptor... it was my first fest, and my first serious short shot on my dvx. what a learning experience this has been... i wrote it and directed it, and had a blast doing so. my actors were fantastic but would have liked some extra 'toppings' in some scenes... wont mention that here. anyways, it was fun and i definitely recommend taking place in these competitions... THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT!

thanks all.
 
Hi Kyle

Congrats on an interesting film. There was a lotI liked about this short, but to me at least it was a bit hit and miss. Some bits worked really well though. I love some of the voyeuristic shots and the style in which you executed the whole thing. Lovely opening too, I said aloud 'this is gonna be a good one'.

I really liked the VO at first but then it became a little too expositional. I think maybe less could have been more. That said, more personal style in here than I've seen in most - stylistically creating you're own world, which is one of the things I look for when I view someones work.

So it maybe didn't all hit the marks, and some of it was predictable, but for your first serious short I can certainly see the peaks of someone talented.
 
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