"Developed" - a hopeful!

Just watched this again Kyle. Like some other things I've seen in this fest, I sort of liked the somber tone, as if this is inevitable and we are just witnessing it. It's sort fo mesmerizing to me, personally. I think it would never work at a feature length, but in a short, I think it does.

Also, I liked the V/O. It worked largely because the V/O was giving me information that the pictures weren't. The only quibble I had was I thought the actor rushed some of his speech a bit. Not that he talked fast, but it seemed that he could have been more deliberate in his speech, settled into it more, so that it would sound less like he was giving V/O and more like we were really inside his head.

I think if you ever did the same story longer, you could afford to spend a TON of time on the girl, and let us fall in love with her too, and really see things from his point of view.

I thought the shooting/editing/etc. was all fine in that I pretty much forgot about it right off the bat and just got into the story.

Very nice work!!!
 
Acting: Good.
Script: Had me hooked from the start, then a tad predictable. But I liked it!
Direction: Some tasty ideas here, the use of handheld was A1.
Music: Loved those erie soundscapes! During the final scene it blew me away.
Editing: Nice man!
Lighting: Solid enough.
Loved: Fantastic opening, slow track into the window, some of the handheld stuff really blew me away.
Hated: The shaky pan up his body, it looked like she had spotted him through the window, the V.O. irked me a little but it told the story and I couldn’t see that you had any other choice, so it’s not a bad thing.
Overall: Very nice, well paced and well shot. Liked the idea that he left the negs behind. Overall a really solid project.

J.P.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM!)
 
Thanks for the kind words.

Desperatecomfort: I love that you are looking at this to be a feature... it is a great feeling when someone can take a short film and tell the creater that it has potential to be a longer project... that it has longevity and sustainability. -- The idea about getting more indepth about the girl... you know, this is a thought I never had: THE AUDIENCE NEEDS TO SYMPATHISE WITH THE GIRL!!! I really should have given more of a perspective on HER story, HER background. This will be a lesson that will be helpful in the fests to come. Thank you so much.

jpbankesmercer: I agree with the shaky pans... for one, I am still working on building a jib that is useable. I have built one that attaches to my tripod, but 1) it has no counterweights, which is an AWFUL AWFUL thing and 2) it is made out of wood and has little craftsmanship. My dolly, on the other hand, is solid and well-built. I will work on this...

the V.O. -- what a bother for me! i was not pleased with the sound, but my lead was so involved in other productions on stage, dancing and choreographing... acting in university plays. he is so talented, but I just wish we could've made the voiceover less of a "read-from-the-script" sort of sound. -- we'll try harder next time.

Also, jp, I'm sort of glad I'm not considered an "underviewed film" in your sig... It's very nice of you to put those on there! Thanks again!
-Kyle
 
By the way, Kyle... Thanks for that tip on copying and pasting the post# that I asked you about. That is sweet! I forgot to do it with my NEW LADDER SHOTS, but I got it for my new challenge!

Thanks. Cool Tip!

Love your film, man.

I had to watch it again today!

Ted
 
Kyle man, you are my man!!!

Congratulations on your work and your film! You did an amazing job!

This has been a total blast and I look forward to many more converstions with you!!!

Best of luck to you!

You did AWESOME!!!

Ted
 
Kyle ... so sorry just getting to commenting on your solid film.
I watched awhile a go and scored it well ... little time with lots of demands and ... awe hell I just suck ...

anyway ...

I liked the opening ... the somber tone ... I think it's harder to have visual impact without a full spectrum of light to dark on the screen and a "dark room" which is actuality a "red room" makes that hard ... hard to get good contrast and have all those images read ... for additional impact you might have had a shot or two in her skivvies taken through a bathroom window, so that we clearly get that this is a scary obsessive surveillance, vs. just some guy with lots of shots of his girlfriend ... the music and marks on their eyes helps, but the marks on the eyes are too hard to see in the red room and perhaps with the compression.

I like the dissolve into the title. Music, image, and metaphor all working nicely here -- great direction.

I like the framing of him in the coffee shop window around 1:45. I like the camera dolly in and its oddly framed for a western audience. One of the tricks of a stage director is to stage from right to left to build tension or to throw focus from right to left, because this is counter to the most repetitive movement our eyes learn which is left to right. So it odd to see a character framed right and throwing attention to the left of the screen (because he's facing that way) where there is just negative space. But like I say, odd in a good way here because you are building tension and showing us a character whose world view is more than a little askew.

Lots of great things beyond those moments, but again, because I am a suck (see above) I must leave you with those specifics for now.

To thoughts on the voice over ... to get a less scripted sounding or read sounding voice over here are some tricks
- if they are a smoker, have them sit back and relax and smoke while the do it. tell them not to worry about pace and piece it together later, have them do a few takes.
- have them do it to a specific person in a specific situation ... in this case I would suggest that he do it as if he has Sarah tied up, or at his mercy at least, and delivering the lines to her, running the knife down her cheek etc. Could get a good creepy take that way.
- final thought on the V.O. = cut it. Film is a medium of show not tell and your film shows us fine. If you will forgive me ... there are no thoughts that are so profound or new in your V.O. that would cause its absence to hurt the film. And I say that as a fellow filmmaker who has a "serial killer who thinks his killings are art" film in the fest. If it wasn't such a begged question in mine I wouldn't have expressed it in dialogue even if I felt I could have gotten away without it. If some of these ideas about being lost / freed or being art then put them in a quote at the top of the film. It could even be a quote from your killer or you it could be from some great philosopher or thinker or even from a great mind that you make up. But that gives us a filter to watch throughout rather than spoon feeding us thematic information all along the way. You might similarly begin or end with V.O. but I think its best to avoid it.

Ask yourself -- does my film make absolute 110% sense without the V.O.?
Does it have impact without the V.O.?
IMHO t he answer to both questions is a resounding yes. Your images are powerful and you structure and tell the story well, and again to harp on the point, you are in the show don't tell medium.

Look at Shed. I don't think it would benefit from me adding a voice over "Like a snake sheds its skin ... leaving behind its flesh, I too would make such a transformation .... shedding the life I knew for the darkness that lay ahead."

And again your filmmaking is strong enough to carry us just visually without the V.O. reinforcing the metaphor.

Also you might be able to tighten the edit a tad if there are any places you are just holding for the V.O.

It's a really good film as is. If you hit delete on that V.O. I think it will be a really great film.

try muting that track and watching it in your NLE and let me know what you think.

Plus, it always impresses people just as a hat trick when you tell a complete story with no dialogue. :thumbsup:

Nice film thanks for sharing it with us and for being such a positive and participatory part of the festival as an audience member as well!!!!

You scored well with me sir :beer:

Best,

Jack
 
Hey Kyle. Good cinematography on this. Especially the beginning. I wish the first closeup of him smiling was a bit less flat.
V.O. was pretty good. Sounded like a normal guy. Arrogant and elitist. Makes the character believable.

One problem was how closely the stalker followed without being noticed. A bit distracting and kinda pulled me out.
The girl and her boyfriend seemed to lack chemistry. If they seemed closer it may have been more tragic when the bf was killed.

Makeout scene on the bed could've been more believable and had more passion also.

The girl didn't seem to struggle much or be scared when confronted by the killer. This part of the film didn't feel genuine.
Also, more makeup/blood could have really sold the murder here.


One of the better films. Creative.
 
i agree... it's funny you say that about the b/f g/f though, because they are dating in real life. matter of fact, they are one of the 'closest' couples i know.

thanks for the review though, i still love getting these! it gets me pumped for more fests!!
 
ya. I suspected they were really dating. This is an indie after all. :)
I think it's hard to do public displays of affection (especially on camera) and show closeness rather than just "living" it. Hollywood couples who do movies together struggle with this too from what I understand.
 
I can't seem to download the file. It d/l's about 500k and that's it, then if I just click the linkm it asked for a password and said the file had been suspended. Anyway you can re-link it for me? I'd love to check out the video.
 
Just finally getting the time to copy the notes I compiled in a Word doc while watching the shorts:

Started out with a BIG movie feel all the way through the opening title. Still a good film after that, but stronger opening, IMO. Not really a horror, as nothing about it scared me … seemed more psychological. Interesting idea, good camera work, editing, etc. Wish there had been more than simply VO the whole time, however.
 
CINEMATOGRAPHY:

I liked your style on this film. In the beginning it had a real "narrative" feel to it, and then towards the end it seemed to almost move to a documentary style. For the most part you had a good look and good shots. I liked how you managed to get different shots when they were driving, it must be difficult to get the shots you want on real streets.

EDITING:

I really liked the beginning of the film. From the title I had an idea of what this film was going to focus around, and then the beginning stayed true to that.

SOUND:

The voiceover for the most part sounded great. There were at times when it sounded a bit louder then before, but nothing really major, and nothing to bad to say about it.

SCORE:

I think the soundtrack was a nice touch to this film. It didn't interfere with the story at all and helped keep the story flowing.

SCREENPLAY:

I liked the idea that you had for this. At the beginning I wasn't sure of what the outcome was going to be, and the way that you slowly revealed what happens was nice.

ACTING:

The acting was done well. When there aren't any speaking roles between characters its important that a person's body language comes off right. A lot of times when people are asked to do simple things that they do everyday, they have a hard time because there is a camera there and they feel the need to exaggerate their movements and facial expressions. Your actors had a good mix of everything and felt real to me.

Overall, this was a good film. I liked the story and I think the ending worked well. You had good shots, good soundtrack, and everything just fit together well.
 
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