WISH - a short movie by Dudley Christian

[Luis Caffesse]

Dudley - let me say that I have not read through this thread because I'm hoping to give you my impressions of the film without being colored by other's opinions.

First off - the story you have here is a very nice and touching one.
The kids did a wonderful job, and you're a braver man than I am for tackling something with children.

The work you did with the shooting stars was lovely - and the final 'beating' star really got me. Your lead's delivery on her final line was dead on - and I have to admit it got a bit of an emotional reaction out of me. Nicely done on that.

As for contructive critique - I would say that parts of this felt a bit too self conscious to me - I was very aware of the camera, not only because there was some shake in the dolly moves, but simply because some of the blocking and camera moves felt a bit forced (in my opinion anyhow). Some shots and blocking positions seemed to hold a bit unnaturally long - for example the shot of the mantle where we first see the 'Wish Book'... you then boom down to show the girl, she then reaches up and grabs the book and holds it so the camera can clearly see the cover (which we've already seen) and she stands there for a moment.... before running into the room. It these kinds of moments had been a bit more fluid I think the entire piece would move more naturally.

Again, the story is good and the contruction is good - the pacing and blocking just seems a bit off for my taste. When I am aware of the camera, I'm very conscious that I'm watching a film and it doesn't allow me to really get into the characters. I think part of the reason the moment at the end worked for me so well is because you were much more reserved with the direction - you let that final moment with the little girl play honestly and quietly, which is exactly what it needed.

Overall I would say that you need to think about what you're telling the audience.
Let us experience the story as it happens - try not to telegraph the next beat of the story to us before it occurs. For example, the Wish Book shot I mentioned above, as well as the father holding out the cell phone towards the end - I was watching the shot waiting for it to light up because it seemed obvious that was what was about to happen. This also goes for the dialogue/exposition of the piece. Personally I would have loved to have seen in the 'Wish Book' that her brother was sick... I didn't think you needed to go so far as to show us that she wished for a new heart for him - from that point on I knew exactly where the ending was going (though I didn't know she was going to jump out of the car). But my point is, the moment with the father outside of the Fish Store would have been a bit stronger for me if I didn't know what she had wished for. When he says "She doesn't want a fish, I don't know what she wants," I would have been right there with him... not knowing what she wants. Instead you kept the audience a step or two ahead all the time - which in my opinion didn't work as well.

Then again, these are all just opinions. I"m just trying to give you some things to think about. Great work in this piece overall and most importantly a wonderful story... I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do next.

By the way - the shot of the boy with the wish book really got me.
Creepy and scary, and very well done.

Alright - I thought I was done - but that just made me think of another example - that moment would have been much MORE dramatic to me if we weren't overhearing the mother's conversation in the background...because of that I was waiting for something.
Clearly you needed to put the heart info out there somehow - but I think you could have toned down the conversation a bit so that the moment of 'coughing' would have really taken us by surprise.

Okay, now I"m done.


Great work.
I hope you find my commnts helpful and know they are all only intended to motivate you to hone the skills that you clearly have, and make the next piece even better than this.

Thanks for sharing this story with us.

 

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Now that the Fest is winding down I'll mention why I thought this was going to be similar to a short I made a while back.

It had a little girl in it and a wish box.
Here's the breakdown.

Both the Mother and Daughter were murdered in the house shortly before Christmas. While Dad was on his way home with presents.

Fast forward to a year later. Dad can't come to grips with what has happened to his life. He's slipped into depression and is no longer working. One day he enters his daughters bedroom (virtually untouched since the incident) and sees the soft toy bunny on her bed that she always slept with. He sits on the bed holding it while trying to not breakdown.

He drops it on the floor.

When he bends down to get it he sees something sticking out from underneath the bed. He looks and finds 2 more bunnies exactly like it. He also finds a little wooden wish box that she had made.

Dad- "How did she get three of these things?"

He looks inside and finds the following wishes... and reads each one. All written on tiny scrolls of paper in crayon.

Her voice can be heard reciting each wish.

"I wish I had three bunnies!"
He looks dumbfounded at the three bunnies sitting on the bed staring blankly back at him.

"I wish Mommy didn't work so much."
Flashback to Dad on the phone getting a call from Mom.
Dad- "You were fired!??"

"I wish Daddy would stop smoking"
Flashback to Dad going to light up... and then almost getting violently ill from inhaling the smoke. He throws his pack of cigarettes in the garbage.

A few more pass.

He finds a blank scroll and a crayon in the bottom of the box.

The movie ends with Dad writing on the paper... "I wish..."


Anyway... it is very different but along the same lines.

I plan on re-shooting it some day since it was shot entirely by myself and I acted in it as well. Not so great....

You did a great job with yours!!
As I have already mentioned in this thread.

Now you know why I was so curious about it.

 

[Ted Arabian]

Hey Dudley, I was just enjoying your film again.

This is really an ambitious project you took on! Working with kids (who did a GREAT JOB btw!!!) and the vfx you set forth to do.

Bottom line is that I really enjoy the story you are telling here. It is both misleading and rewarding. And the music that accompanies it is really wonderful.

I know that I already made some comments here but I wanted to add another. I would like to have seen the birthday candle flame blow about when the helicopter sound came into play. Just a close insert shot of this.

......

Just looked at my past review... I see that I wasn't very specific on comment about the camera work. So I feel like I should offer something more than my "overly simple" statement in the original review. (Pardon me if this has already been discussed.)

I see a lot of really wonderful shots coming from your camera. There are some great camera moves that totally feel motivated (something that I continue to try and get right!) and there is some lovely framing.

Some things that bothered me on the camera work was a few times I felt you linger too long on a frame (maybe because of working with children) and at times I felt that a shot looked overly posed. For instance, when the little girl gets the Wish book from the mantel. She takes it down and poses it there and I don't really know why. You had clearly established what it was and all she had to do was take it and go.

Anyway, I really did enjoy this film each time I've watched it. And I hope that you continue to bring your work to the dvxuser fests!

Well done!

-Ted

btw, that is a GREAT shot from overhead of the car. Love that!

 

[artofsuntzu]

As for contructive critique ... I hope you find my commnts helpful and know they are all only intended to motivate you

Awesome points, Luis. They do motivate. Technical feedback (dolly, etc.) acts as a good reminder of things already noticed by me... and interpretive feedback is a great way for me to see if I should've chosen option A over option B.

for example the shot of the mantle where we first see the 'Wish Book'... you then boom down to show the girl, she then reaches up and grabs the book and holds it so the camera can clearly see the cover (which we've already seen) and she stands there for a moment...

... and some options were not choices at all. Yeah, I totally felt the same way as you on parts like this. It's funny, although some lingering shots (at the end) are intentional some others (like the mantle) were actually the fastest we could get the 5 year old to move, react and run past marks without torturing her with take after take.

- I would say that parts of this felt a bit too self conscious to me ... Some shots and blocking positions seemed to hold a bit unnaturally long - .

But, I know the point you're getting across about telegraphed blocking. I watch a lot of what Spielberg does with camera-blocking, staging and extended shots. A lot of times I try to emulate his approach and risk being too obvious. Why do I try his methods? I find that sometimes it has a way of reaching your emotions even though it can appear obvious to a filmmaker's mind.

I have to admit it got a bit of an emotional reaction out of me.

This is kind of what I meant with my previous paragraph.


But let's get to the cool part: creative differences.

But my point is, the moment with the father outside of the Fish Store would have been a bit stronger for me if I didn't know what she had wished for. When he says "She doesn't want a fish, I don't know what she wants," I would have been right there with him... not knowing what she wants.

I could have put the book-reveal after the fish store. After all, I wanted the Father to be a proxy for some of the audiences emotions. But, I didn't want to have the audience see the entire story from his POV. I wanted to re-establish(especially at this crucial time in the story) the POV squarely with the girl. By having the same information as the girl, you can feel impatient with the Father... just like the girl's POV would have you feel about the Father's cluelessness. Now, you're free to enjoy her emotions more at the end because our POV is reslanted towards the girl. I needed the audience to move AWAY from being "right there with him" so that we can be closer to the girl during the 3rd act.

Anyway, I got a lot of insight from your (and everyone else's) comments.

 

[Luis Caffesse]

I needed the audience to move AWAY from being "right there with him" so that we can be closer to the girl during the 3rd act.

I can absolutely see your point.
That is something I had not considered.

I'm glad you found my comments useful - and I'm glad to see you're confident enough in your work to tell me where I'm offbase.
:thumbsup:

 

[artofsuntzu]

Anyway... it is very different but along the same lines.

I plan on re-shooting it some day since it was shot entirely by myself and I acted in it as well. Not so great....

You did a great job with yours!!
As I have already mentioned in this thread.

Now you know why I was so curious about it.

That's a cool story. I kind of got a sense that we had similar thematic moods when you first wrote.

Is there a way to view the short online somewhere?

Hey, did you notice that some threads brought up the issue of why there were so many unhappy shorts in a festival based on Love? What would they think of our take on shorts about kids: murder (yours), depression (yours), illness (mine)

 

[artofsuntzu]

I can absolutely see your point.
That is something I had not considered.

I'm glad you found my comments useful - and I'm glad to see you're confident enough in your work to tell me where I'm offbase.
:thumbsup:

Dude, I've seen your short a few times... I could never accuse you of being offbase when it comes to storytelling. It's fun when a comment touches upon a point that was actually given consideration. Thanks for the added comment.

 

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

That's a cool story. I kind of got a sense that we had similar thematic moods when you first wrote.

Is there a way to view the short online somewhere?

Hey, did you notice that some threads brought up the issue of why there were so many unhappy shorts in a festival based on Love? What would they think of our take on shorts about kids: murder (yours), depression (yours), illness (mine)

LOL! Love comes in many various forms. At least they both ended well.

This is why I was so interested in yours. You did a really good job of drawing me into the story and I liked it quite a bit.

As for mine... I would have to see if I can find it. It was also shot on a crappy old camcorder with no mic so the quality sucks. :laugh:

 

[artofsuntzu]

Hey Dudley, I was just enjoying your film again.

Some things that bothered me on the camera work was a few times I felt you linger too long on a frame (maybe because of working with children) and at times I felt that a shot looked overly posed. For instance, when the little girl gets the Wish book from the mantel. She takes it down and poses it there and I don't really know why.

Ted, I enjoyed rewatching your short as well.

As for some of my lingering shots. Yeah, I just posted a reply to Luis who touched on the same valid point. In summary, the mantel shot was the fastest we could get the girl to perform all that complex staging in a single shot. (not to use her as an excuse because I was just as stubborn for trying to keep this sequence as a single shot in the first place )

My reply to Luis did cover some of the other lingering shots that were entirely conscious choices. Basically, it has to do with me loving how Spielberg will setup, block and linger in order to get a point across. Although some of the shots seem obvious to the mind, I'm finding that it sometimes reach an emotional space at the same time.

But, I'm open to toning it down a bit. I'm going to pre-screen this aspect with others on future projects. (or maybe that's what the DVXfests are for anyway?)

Ted, I am honoured that you took the extra time here.

And thank you for enjoying some of my other camera setups.

I have a quick question. You've noticed that I keep my shots motivated. (even the overhead car shot is somewhat motivated by a reverse angle to the shooting star). But I am curious. Out there in the industry, right now, are 'motivated shots' a four-letter word? Not that it would influence me much... but I was wondering if the big guns think it's a little uncool right now?

 

[Ted Arabian]

... But I am curious. Out there in the industry, right now, are 'motivated shots' a four-letter word?

Hey Dudley, I wish that I could answer this for you. It would certainly help me to know as well! LOL!

I am so new in this field of filmmaking. I often try to shoot what feels right to me. And often I find that it backfires! I seem to get questioned on how I use the camera.

So I really don't know.

But your shot of taking us into the house felt right and it looked great.

Your shot of following the little girl from the mantel to the birthday cake room felt right (though, as I have stated and also read from Luis, the execution was forced at times during it).

I love the tilting down through the page of the Wish Book, but I think that you should have used a continuous speed scroll rather than popping down to the "reveal" of the wish.

And then there is the shot of dollying in on the little girl at the Christmas tree. I feel that this move is probably frowned upon as unnecessary or "wrong" but I like it. I love getting closer to the subject and feel that it is a right time to do it. However, the camera move is full of stumbles and really should have been cut or replaced with a simple static shot.

So... I really don't know. I obviously didn't go to film school and have never read a book on how to make a film. I just use a vision that is in my head and try to tell a story. (The storytelling skill is something that I long to conquer! There are some great storytellers here at dvxuser and I really try to absorb some of their qualities and execute them in mine. Not copy them, just follow their example.)

I think that you have a lot of wonderful films in you and I can't wait to see what you do next.

best,

Ted

 

[artofsuntzu]

3d animatic special features

3d animatic special features

Woo whoo. Just wrapping-up a drunkin' Oscars party... who pwns the pool?

Anyway, I thought I'd share one of the DVD Special Features being made available to the crew of Wish whom I am deeply indebted to.

This is a full 3d animatic for Wish that was created during pre-viz. It was one version of the Vegas Timeline that involved a longer exposition ending.

I know. I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to pre-viz.

But, it did help keep everyone on the same page. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy how it compares to the live-action footage. Plus, in response to valid comments about dolly-work, I am officially offering the link under a new production name.

Wobbly Dolly Productions presents:



http://www.coolshortfilms.com/work1/wish.html

 

[Brian Parker]

Very sweet film. Touching story. Cute kids. Only problem is that the pacing in some parts was a little slow but other than that it was a well made film. Good job.

 

[artofsuntzu]

Very sweet film. Touching story. Cute kids. Only problem is that the pacing in some parts was a little slow but other than that it was a well made film. Good job.

Thank you so much for the comments. I know it can be a bit of a commitment getting through a list of 50 shorts. So thanks, again, for making the effort to add a comment. I really respect that. And I am looking forward to improving the next short based on all the feedback.

 

[tmnt]

The little girl was greatm what a find and good to see a story with a little heart. Should have went just a little wider in the shot where the father has the cell ring as it looks like maybe you said "higher, higher... hold it there - action!".

I reckon you could revisit the CC and possibly work on the timing a bit and you'll have a winner.