what the HELL is wrong with this vid?

Sound=jumpy. no continuity. Echoey sounding dialog.

Lighting=available, which ='s bad/flat.

Oh yeah, continuity jumps in editing.

Other than that, good effoert.
 
Ok, there is quite a bit wrong with this short. First, I want you to do me a favor: go to the Youtube comedy section, and sort by the most views. Do you see what I see? I'll give you a moment, go look again and see if you notice it.

Give up? Ok, here it is: of the 20 most viewed comedy shorts on Youtube, the average running length is roughtly 3 minutes 30 seconds. Your video is 7 minutes 30 seconds. It's long, and here's why: your pacing is completely off. There is no time monitor on the Myspace application, so I can't tell you where key things happen (salesman enters the apartment, for example), but things need to be happening quick quick quick. You need to cut the script down by 40%, then shoot and edit a 4:00 short, then cut a minute out.

Secondly, the most important character of your short, the salesman, is the least believable. I know character believability isn't the most important thing when it comes to comedy, but consider this: everyone believes that Steve Carrel is a bumbling idiot when they see him on The Office, right? Get the guy playing the salesman to develop his character a little more. Have him decide which archetype to go with: the sleezy salesman, the newbie, the seasoned sales vet, etc. Draw inspiration from other comedy actors: watch "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" the night before shooting. Do something, anything to develop this character more.

There are some hilarious moments which really need more time on screen, like the three-way handshake. This is HILARIOUS. Give us some XCUs of each character, show us the hands, then cut to a wide, then their faces again, hands, wide, cut. Stay with this a little longer.

Like Stylz said, there are many continuity errors. I'm not sure what else to say other than be more careful and organized when shooting and editing. Stylz also commented on the lighting. I won't pretend to be an expert on lighting, but one thing I'd suggest is getting as many lights as you have access to and bouncing the most powerful ones off the ceiling. Go to Home Depot and buy some work lights, remove the grills, and bounce them off the ceiling for some nice diffusion.

The camera work needs some tweaking. The guy in red is a unique character, and should have a unique camera angle to compliment him. You are already using a close up shot on him, which is rarely used on the other characters, and that's good - it gives brings the audience uncomfortably close to an uncomfortable character, but it can be done better. Take the camera off the tripod, stand on the other side of the room from him, zoom in on all the way, and let the movement in your hands affect the movement of the frame. Yes, this is quickly becoming a cliche thing to do (see: "The Office", "Babel", etc.), but it's still relatively fresh and effective. If you don't want to do something everyone else already is, that's awesome, but find something that works.

When you cut from the three-way handshake to the guys kicking the salesman out, you're crossing the line of action, making for a needlessly jarring cut.

Take the light ball out of the shots. If you expose for the light, your actors are too dark, and if you expose for the actors, the light is blown out, and extremely distracting. Raise it higher if possible, or just shoot below it. How high is the ceiling in this room?

In the three shots, it's obvious that your actors are not listening to one another. They're just waiting around to hear their cues so they can say their lines and move to the next scene. Try having your actors improv the scene a few times so they can find the beats and transitions.

GHOST OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! BEAT IT UP!! What? Everything devolves into a disorganized mess after this. This is funny to two groups of people: stoners and geriatric women who watch Jerry Lewis reruns every day.

You have some pretty funny ideas and material here, but it needs to be refined. The most important thing to do is cut its length down DRASTICALLY. This needs to be no longer than 3 minutes 30 seconds. Give your actors some time, however, so that they can prepare and so you can get fresh performances out of them. Hope this post helps, good luck!
 
Thanks, I didn't know it was possible to write that much about this, seriously thanks for taking the time. The reason for all the disconnectedness and continuity gaps is because the whole thing was improved which made it difficult to plan shots and stuff. I HATE that freaking light ball, it's ruined two of our shorts but it's the only light in the room, oh well. No ones said they like the red headed guy before. We'll see what it looks like cut down.
 
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