artofsuntzu
Active member
I'm sorry, it looked like the thread was growing in a certain direction.
Ok, ok, Xfoo wants kids (probably early teens) trapped (probably falling through a floor) in an abandoned building. Now that the plot device is outlined, let me take a couple minutes to tighten the story:
A brotherhood of four teens takes one of their own to an abandoned building that they treat as their own hidden clubhouse. Three of the teens pay tribute to the fourth teen, who is the only bald member of the group. This may be one of the last times that the four boys get to play like this, given the chemo stage of cancer treatment that the fourth boy has to soon resume.
They play a ritual game of 'guts' where they close their eyes and step over an open hole in the top floor of the building. One slips... but everyone makes it over the hole, unharmed.
They descend stairs, teasing each other about who was more fearful during this round of guts. The stairs collapse. The boys fall through the lower floor, which crumbles, and traps them in a gap below the building.
As they lie prone from the physical blow, more flooring gives way and rain-down cement dust and brick debris. Attempts to climb out causes more cascades of falling rubble that buries the four in their own hidden burial plot. A large stone falls and tears the bald boy's forearm before pinning two fingers as if in a vice.
The three boys try to free the fourth, but it is clear that the collapsing building will take four lives if the boys stay to try and unpin their friend. The pinned boy has a look of acceptance.
The three boys eventually make it outside. Sounds of collapsing wall precedes a shrill, boy's scream.
The three boys take a moment to get their bearing and plan-out which direction will lead them to the fastest help to save the fourth boy's life. They look at each other, visibly disturbed by the irony.
Behind the boys, a section of wall acts as support... for the fourth boy who emerges and props himself. He motions for his friends with his hand that dangles two bruised, broken, barely-attached fingers. He makes a comment about what he's willing to endure when he's not willing to accept his situation.
(Anyway, I hope my previous post focusing on process wasn't out of line... I was doing the 'feed a person fish', thing)
Ok, ok, Xfoo wants kids (probably early teens) trapped (probably falling through a floor) in an abandoned building. Now that the plot device is outlined, let me take a couple minutes to tighten the story:
A brotherhood of four teens takes one of their own to an abandoned building that they treat as their own hidden clubhouse. Three of the teens pay tribute to the fourth teen, who is the only bald member of the group. This may be one of the last times that the four boys get to play like this, given the chemo stage of cancer treatment that the fourth boy has to soon resume.
They play a ritual game of 'guts' where they close their eyes and step over an open hole in the top floor of the building. One slips... but everyone makes it over the hole, unharmed.
They descend stairs, teasing each other about who was more fearful during this round of guts. The stairs collapse. The boys fall through the lower floor, which crumbles, and traps them in a gap below the building.
As they lie prone from the physical blow, more flooring gives way and rain-down cement dust and brick debris. Attempts to climb out causes more cascades of falling rubble that buries the four in their own hidden burial plot. A large stone falls and tears the bald boy's forearm before pinning two fingers as if in a vice.
The three boys try to free the fourth, but it is clear that the collapsing building will take four lives if the boys stay to try and unpin their friend. The pinned boy has a look of acceptance.
The three boys eventually make it outside. Sounds of collapsing wall precedes a shrill, boy's scream.
The three boys take a moment to get their bearing and plan-out which direction will lead them to the fastest help to save the fourth boy's life. They look at each other, visibly disturbed by the irony.
Behind the boys, a section of wall acts as support... for the fourth boy who emerges and props himself. He motions for his friends with his hand that dangles two bruised, broken, barely-attached fingers. He makes a comment about what he's willing to endure when he's not willing to accept his situation.
(Anyway, I hope my previous post focusing on process wasn't out of line... I was doing the 'feed a person fish', thing)
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