djbobbyrhodes
Well-known member
I'm in.
Weird question, where to find an inferior "hitman"
- Thread starter djbobbyrhodes
- Start date
I'm in.
Nektonic
Veteran
I'll PM you this weekend about any details.
clang
Veteran
So your fake hitman just gets a mysterious call to make an actual hit for the first time?
I think this leads back to your post's original question - you still need an incident (quite possibly his first scene) where he gets to parade around as a supposed hitman (the audience may or may not immediately see that he's a fake), and person X believes him. Possibly the audience sees person X (while the hitman either pays no attention or literally never sees him), and the audience later sees person X then putting the anonymous call through to the hitman - this helps the audience recognise person X throughout the rest of the story but you can still keep the audience completely in the dark re who person X really is, just as the hitman doesn't know.
Not sure about the 'hitman falling in love with his target' plot - hasn't that been done before?
I think this leads back to your post's original question - you still need an incident (quite possibly his first scene) where he gets to parade around as a supposed hitman (the audience may or may not immediately see that he's a fake), and person X believes him. Possibly the audience sees person X (while the hitman either pays no attention or literally never sees him), and the audience later sees person X then putting the anonymous call through to the hitman - this helps the audience recognise person X throughout the rest of the story but you can still keep the audience completely in the dark re who person X really is, just as the hitman doesn't know.
Not sure about the 'hitman falling in love with his target' plot - hasn't that been done before?
djbobbyrhodes
Well-known member
EXACTLY! That's why this thread is still a necessity. He's hired by some guy. I know who he is, and it deals with the 'conspiracy' aspect. I just don't want to give away every detail. In the end, the hirer is aware that our hitman is probably going to mess up the job. We just don't discover that until the end.
And now that I'm thinking out loud, or typing out loud, perhaps the guy doesn't have to be a mystery at all. Who he really is, or rather, his actual motivations could be the mystery. But, that's neither here nor there.
So, we still need a way for our mystery man to find our hitman. The mystery man could theoretically just visit the "cover" job where our hitman works and overhear him bragging about his over exaggerated or non-existent escapades. Or it could be some sort of coincidental meeting, but it would have to be a circumstance that would lead to our guy talking about being a hitman. Hmmmmmm.........
Oh, and as far as the hitman falling in love, I'm SURE it's been done before. I haven't necessarily seen it before, but I know that something similar has happened somewhere. There are a bunch of movies about hitmen who actually turn out to have a bit of a soft side. The Professional, Lucky Number Slevin, etc.
I'm not really going for an oscar, or even exceptionally original story. I'm really going to try for a viable, Hollywood script.
Maybe I'll film it myself, or at least, a short based on it. But I'll probably wind up trying to sell it.
Or trying to get that sweet deal that Troy Duffy got with Boondock Saints. But, you know with out all the bad shi* that happened... :evil:
Could he get the contract from a one night stand?
He goes out, picks up, takes her back to his place - it looks like a pity root. She looks around the apartment, it's a mess. Looking like she really feels sorry for this guy, she says she knows a man who might be able to give him a job that pays well for little effort - that's right up protags alley so he's in. Then he gets a mysterious phone call from said mysterious person with the details of the job. Of course the whole thing with the chick is part of the set up. She'd been scoping the clubs and bars for weeks, trying to find someone who fit the profile and she's had her eye on him for some time.
He goes out, picks up, takes her back to his place - it looks like a pity root. She looks around the apartment, it's a mess. Looking like she really feels sorry for this guy, she says she knows a man who might be able to give him a job that pays well for little effort - that's right up protags alley so he's in. Then he gets a mysterious phone call from said mysterious person with the details of the job. Of course the whole thing with the chick is part of the set up. She'd been scoping the clubs and bars for weeks, trying to find someone who fit the profile and she's had her eye on him for some time.
Last edited:
I think this has been done somewhere, but maybe you can find a way to make it your own...what about a wanna-be hitman who *plays* at it with friends a la paintball or TAG (come to think of it I believe the film was called The Assassination Game) but then gets drawn into the real thing via mistaken identity, garbled communication, a frameup, etc.
How about this-
Put your main character in jail on a petty theft and a parole violation awaiting trial when a high priced defense attorney he couldn’t possibly afford shows up and gets him out of jail and temporarily off the hook on the charges (for which he was actually guilty).
Have the attorney explain off the whole thing as him doing some pro bono work and casually mention he is employed by your large corporation.
Several months pass and your bumbling hitman gets busted again for something petty and will probably get sent to prison for a very long time for violating parole. He calls the mysterious attorney hoping he can work his legal magic and get him off on this too. The corporate attorney returns and agrees to get our boneheaded criminal off in exchange for a “favor” that will be revealed to the criminal in a week or so.
Our character gets out of lockup, much to his own amazement, and goes home to where he lives with his mother to wait for the phone call. After a couple days of waiting and wondering what the “favor” will be, he gets a phone call and is told to be at X location in an hour.
He goes to the location where he’s told by the attorney and another mysterious male what the favor is: they want him to kill your female character by a certain date (but they don’t say why). If he completes the job, he’ll be paid a sum of money. If he fails or refuses, they’ll throw him back to the courts and he’ll most likely end up in prison for a very long time.
(Your mysterious attorney may have actually been doing pro bono work the first time but when our bumbling criminal called the second time, the timing couldn’t have been better and he now had the perfect fool for the job.)
Our criminal agrees to do it because he really doesn’t have a choice. However, he is torn somewhat but decides to go through with it to stay out of prison. He watches The Professional, The Eiger Sanction, etc. trying to gain some pointers while also studying the packet given to him about the target (subtly adding to the audience belief that this guy has no idea what he’s doing).
After a couple days he sneaks into her back yard to gain access to her house and do the deed. If he’d done his homework and had a clue, he would have discovered that her large dog inhabits the back yard. The dog tears him up pretty bad and the female target saves him from her dog.
She is kind to him even though he’s obviously up to no good and he is overwhelmed with guilt about what he was there to do. She is kind of an airhead and a good hearted soul. He begins to really like her and discovers she used to work for a mega corporation but was blowing the whistle on them and that would probably mean huge fines and sanctions from the government. She still has no idea he was sent to kill her.
He doesn’t have to fall in lover with her to not want to see this genuinely good person murdered for doing the right thing. He decides to try to help/protect her knowing he will be sent to prison for it (this is his chance to redeem himself).
After a couple days of lying low with the female, he sneaks back to his own place to get some stuff and finds mysterious men had been there and had spoken to his mother. He goes to his room and fines photos of her on the walls and a forged break up letter from her to him. He is being set up.
They go on the run again and he finally tells her why he was in her back yard. She is upset and angered but stays with him. She tells him about the US Attorney she has been in contact with and they have to get a safe place where they can call him and ask for protection.
[Whatever you want to happen from here.]
Hope this helps,
Patrick
Put your main character in jail on a petty theft and a parole violation awaiting trial when a high priced defense attorney he couldn’t possibly afford shows up and gets him out of jail and temporarily off the hook on the charges (for which he was actually guilty).
Have the attorney explain off the whole thing as him doing some pro bono work and casually mention he is employed by your large corporation.
Several months pass and your bumbling hitman gets busted again for something petty and will probably get sent to prison for a very long time for violating parole. He calls the mysterious attorney hoping he can work his legal magic and get him off on this too. The corporate attorney returns and agrees to get our boneheaded criminal off in exchange for a “favor” that will be revealed to the criminal in a week or so.
Our character gets out of lockup, much to his own amazement, and goes home to where he lives with his mother to wait for the phone call. After a couple days of waiting and wondering what the “favor” will be, he gets a phone call and is told to be at X location in an hour.
He goes to the location where he’s told by the attorney and another mysterious male what the favor is: they want him to kill your female character by a certain date (but they don’t say why). If he completes the job, he’ll be paid a sum of money. If he fails or refuses, they’ll throw him back to the courts and he’ll most likely end up in prison for a very long time.
(Your mysterious attorney may have actually been doing pro bono work the first time but when our bumbling criminal called the second time, the timing couldn’t have been better and he now had the perfect fool for the job.)
Our criminal agrees to do it because he really doesn’t have a choice. However, he is torn somewhat but decides to go through with it to stay out of prison. He watches The Professional, The Eiger Sanction, etc. trying to gain some pointers while also studying the packet given to him about the target (subtly adding to the audience belief that this guy has no idea what he’s doing).
After a couple days he sneaks into her back yard to gain access to her house and do the deed. If he’d done his homework and had a clue, he would have discovered that her large dog inhabits the back yard. The dog tears him up pretty bad and the female target saves him from her dog.
She is kind to him even though he’s obviously up to no good and he is overwhelmed with guilt about what he was there to do. She is kind of an airhead and a good hearted soul. He begins to really like her and discovers she used to work for a mega corporation but was blowing the whistle on them and that would probably mean huge fines and sanctions from the government. She still has no idea he was sent to kill her.
He doesn’t have to fall in lover with her to not want to see this genuinely good person murdered for doing the right thing. He decides to try to help/protect her knowing he will be sent to prison for it (this is his chance to redeem himself).
After a couple days of lying low with the female, he sneaks back to his own place to get some stuff and finds mysterious men had been there and had spoken to his mother. He goes to his room and fines photos of her on the walls and a forged break up letter from her to him. He is being set up.
They go on the run again and he finally tells her why he was in her back yard. She is upset and angered but stays with him. She tells him about the US Attorney she has been in contact with and they have to get a safe place where they can call him and ask for protection.
[Whatever you want to happen from here.]
Hope this helps,
Patrick
Jon Starr
Veteran
Hiring a bumbling hitman sounded original and like something I'd want to watch.
The hitman falling in love with their victim (or just liking them too much) has been done before, many times. However just be sure to make it original. I mean the fact that he's a hitman that isn't a hit man and is terrible at it would lead to some funny heroism on his part, or maybe her part?
Anyways, good luck with it. Sounds like a lot of people have contributed to how they should meet. I don't think how they meet is really a focus of the story, so don't get too caught up on it.
If you need one, how about two strangers that meet on a train... oh wait...
The hitman falling in love with their victim (or just liking them too much) has been done before, many times. However just be sure to make it original. I mean the fact that he's a hitman that isn't a hit man and is terrible at it would lead to some funny heroism on his part, or maybe her part?
Anyways, good luck with it. Sounds like a lot of people have contributed to how they should meet. I don't think how they meet is really a focus of the story, so don't get too caught up on it.
If you need one, how about two strangers that meet on a train... oh wait...
clang
Veteran
Sudden thought - the woman target (whom he falls in love with) is a real hitperson, a total professional, looks so sweet and innocent that no one ever suspects her. Her intelligence gathering quickly reveals that the fake hitman is hunting her, but he's so obviously incompetent (in an adorable sort of way) that she's convinced it's a setup, some sort of test or diversion (or even romantic ploy, she's known some very odd guys), so she plays along for the meantime to find out what's really going on and who's behind it...
The reason this appeals is that she is no longer the passive love interest, but now one of 3 main characters totally at odds with each other, and all with good reasons to lie to each other
The reason this appeals is that she is no longer the passive love interest, but now one of 3 main characters totally at odds with each other, and all with good reasons to lie to each other
djbobbyrhodes
Well-known member
You guys definitely gave me a lot to think about.
A ton of great ideas and a whole bunch of creativity here. I love it!
Thanks a bunch. I'll let you know how it goes.
A ton of great ideas and a whole bunch of creativity here. I love it!
Thanks a bunch. I'll let you know how it goes.
clang
Veteran
Back to your original question of how your CEO will find his inferior hitman, the more I think about it, the more irrelevant I think this is. Start in the middle of the action:
- CEO and hitman are alone in some odd setting (i.e apparently not suiting either one of them, e.g. a pet store or garden shop or farm field), mean-looking hitman is doing his big aggro gangsta rant, boasting about how vicious he is, how many people he's killed, how sadistically he killed them, etc.
- at first we naturally assume he's threatening the very harmless and innocent-looking suit-clad CEO, but the CEO's reactions indicate this is not the case at all, the CEO is behaving like he's in a normal business meeting
- at last the CEO says that will be fine, hands over a photo (the audience sees the subject) and a downpayment wad of cash, mentions a 'completion date'
- they politely shake hands and leave
- we follow the 'hitman' away, his next scene shows that he was talking bullshit, he's all talk and no action, but genuinely intends to complete the hit (because he really does want to be what he pretends to be, even though we can already see he's incompetent, and also he really needs the rest of the money)
- cut to CEO, showing some background as to why he would want anyone dead (e.g. his company is in some huge trouble), and identifying some connection with the intended victim.
I'll be interested to hear how this goes...
- CEO and hitman are alone in some odd setting (i.e apparently not suiting either one of them, e.g. a pet store or garden shop or farm field), mean-looking hitman is doing his big aggro gangsta rant, boasting about how vicious he is, how many people he's killed, how sadistically he killed them, etc.
- at first we naturally assume he's threatening the very harmless and innocent-looking suit-clad CEO, but the CEO's reactions indicate this is not the case at all, the CEO is behaving like he's in a normal business meeting
- at last the CEO says that will be fine, hands over a photo (the audience sees the subject) and a downpayment wad of cash, mentions a 'completion date'
- they politely shake hands and leave
- we follow the 'hitman' away, his next scene shows that he was talking bullshit, he's all talk and no action, but genuinely intends to complete the hit (because he really does want to be what he pretends to be, even though we can already see he's incompetent, and also he really needs the rest of the money)
- cut to CEO, showing some background as to why he would want anyone dead (e.g. his company is in some huge trouble), and identifying some connection with the intended victim.
I'll be interested to hear how this goes...
Gord.T
Still "Senior Member"
I spent a little time in jail and ended up in a half-way house, self admitted, many eons ago. (Just for the record, never had so much as a fine since. Well, one, which I posted here at dvx, but it was tossed out.)
While in the half way house, a conversation arose about how much one would be willing to accept to do a hit. $1000, 10K, 100K? I mean everyone has a price.
The general consensus was around 10K around 1984-ish. Now bear in mind, this is just talking for the sake of posturing to the fellow inmates. Most if not all of us there were small time idiots, basically. Petty crime shi*.
But like Patrick said, jail is often where these conversations first get bandied about.
And then, you get that one guy that's desperate for cash, looking for easy street, not thinking straight, some guy gives him a gun, a picture and an address, a little cash to get started, maybe a car, and there you go.
So there's a classic amateur.
Or anyone heavy into selling coke/crack and are users themselves. Things always go sideways real fast in that biz.
My 2 cents. Good luck man.
While in the half way house, a conversation arose about how much one would be willing to accept to do a hit. $1000, 10K, 100K? I mean everyone has a price.
The general consensus was around 10K around 1984-ish. Now bear in mind, this is just talking for the sake of posturing to the fellow inmates. Most if not all of us there were small time idiots, basically. Petty crime shi*.
But like Patrick said, jail is often where these conversations first get bandied about.
And then, you get that one guy that's desperate for cash, looking for easy street, not thinking straight, some guy gives him a gun, a picture and an address, a little cash to get started, maybe a car, and there you go.
So there's a classic amateur.
Or anyone heavy into selling coke/crack and are users themselves. Things always go sideways real fast in that biz.
My 2 cents. Good luck man.
j1clark@ucsd.edu
Veteran
From the first paragraph from the wiki article on the plot of "Fargo"(1996)...
----------------------------------
In 1987, Minneapolis automobile salesman Jerry Lundegaard (William H. Macy) is in severe financial trouble. After being introduced to criminals Carl Showalter (Steve Buscemi) and Gaear Grimsrud (Peter Stormare) by Native American ex-convict Shep Proudfoot (Steve Reevis), a mechanic at his dealership, Jerry travels to Fargo, North Dakota and hires the two men to kidnap his wife Jean (Kristin Rudrüd) in exchange for a new car and half of the $80,000 ransom. However, Jerry intends to demand a much larger sum from his wealthy but antagonistic father-in-law, Wade Gustafson (Harve Presnell), and keep most of the money for himself.
--------------------------------
----------------------------------
In 1987, Minneapolis automobile salesman Jerry Lundegaard (William H. Macy) is in severe financial trouble. After being introduced to criminals Carl Showalter (Steve Buscemi) and Gaear Grimsrud (Peter Stormare) by Native American ex-convict Shep Proudfoot (Steve Reevis), a mechanic at his dealership, Jerry travels to Fargo, North Dakota and hires the two men to kidnap his wife Jean (Kristin Rudrüd) in exchange for a new car and half of the $80,000 ransom. However, Jerry intends to demand a much larger sum from his wealthy but antagonistic father-in-law, Wade Gustafson (Harve Presnell), and keep most of the money for himself.
--------------------------------
djbobbyrhodes
Well-known member
Wow. I almost forgot about this. Been so busy with everything else in the world.
Starting to think that I should have watched Fargo...
Eh, the hook for this script could be Fargo meets Superbad.
Starting to think that I should have watched Fargo...
Eh, the hook for this script could be Fargo meets Superbad.
laughingcrows
Member
HITMAN - they're car tags belonging to an older dude name Reece Wiley, he was a record producer back in the disco era. He only had one hit but he's still living off the revenue. The hit was called "Disco Beavers from Outer Space."
However times are hard, leisure suits are expensive and the women he likes cost more than ever - he needs to make some dough - fast. The question is: would he kill for it?
However times are hard, leisure suits are expensive and the women he likes cost more than ever - he needs to make some dough - fast. The question is: would he kill for it?
john.smith
New member
where to find an inferior hitman?....
where to find an inferior hitman?....
Depending on how realistic you want to be, the answer is... where you would find a perfectly capable one. The walters tend to frequent the same places that genuine guys do..in the hope of picking up information which they can use to substantiate and perpetuate their own legend.... and also in the hope that they can piggyback on someone else's contract.
I would be thinking about a local gym near a military installation..... even better if its near a Special Forces Base ...so Hereford or Poole in the UK...... Fort Bragg, or Little Creek, Virginia in the US.
At least then if you decide, in your story, that you eventually want to recruit a genuine one....you've already got your lead.
where to find an inferior hitman?....
Depending on how realistic you want to be, the answer is... where you would find a perfectly capable one. The walters tend to frequent the same places that genuine guys do..in the hope of picking up information which they can use to substantiate and perpetuate their own legend.... and also in the hope that they can piggyback on someone else's contract.
I would be thinking about a local gym near a military installation..... even better if its near a Special Forces Base ...so Hereford or Poole in the UK...... Fort Bragg, or Little Creek, Virginia in the US.
At least then if you decide, in your story, that you eventually want to recruit a genuine one....you've already got your lead.