Weird question, where to find an inferior "hitman"

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djbobbyrhodes

Well-known member
I'm working out some ideas for a script that I'm writing.

In this script, a hitman is hired to do a job, but he sucks and winds up messing things up. Now, the question at hand: where would someone find a hitman of such inferior quality?

It can't be some sort of "I know a guy who knows a guy" situation or anything like that.

I was thinking maybe craigslist or like an ad from the back of a "Soldier of Fortune" magazine or something like that. But, I'm not exactly sure how that would play out. I'm not really sure if SoF has adverts like that, and I think I've seen that somewhere else before anyway. I would like my idea to be a bit more original.

If you wind up having the winning idea, you will win the awesome, grand prize of my eternal gratitude. Oh, and a special thanks credit if this thing ever gets made. ;)
 
First post here. :)

Many of the contract killings I'm aware of were arranged while in jail or some sort of lockup. We recently had a defendant in a murder case try to have one of the witnesses (his father) killed. He arranged it through a guy he met in jail.

http://www.nrtoday.com/article/20090224/NEWS/902249933&parentprofile=search

Besides being realistic, it also gives you an easy plot device in that your hitman was already dumb enough to get himself caught by the fuzz. Now he has some guy offer him money to kill someone and he agrees but unfortunately for him he also happens to be a moron (hence why he's in jail to begin with).

Thanks,
Patrick
 
msorrels said:
Applebee's?
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Bahaha! Ok, so I'm thinking they didn't find this guy at Applebee's but they definitely have there first meeting there.

Msorrels, you've got a special thanks credit if this movie ever gets made, for sure.

Oh, did I mention this movie is a comedy?

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Jail doesn't really work. The other characters have never been in jail, so they couldn't have met the hitman there. And, I want to avoid that I know a guy situation.
 
I understand why you'd want to avoid the cliche of "I know a guy" but that is the reality. When the cops are trying to buy stolen property, dope, etc, they normally have to have a middle man arrange the buys. Answering an add is just asking to get busted in a sting operation.

There are "pro hitmen" but they normally work for a specific criminal organiziation and are rare. Normally, a freelance hitman is more likely to be just some cretin who will do anything to feed his drug habit. That kind of hookup would have to be through someone he knows and trusts.

Going back to the jail scenario: you could always have your character get arrested for something minor like a DUII and have him put in a holding cell with your bumbling/moron ex-con. They hit it off and phone numbers are exchanged.

1st character gets released. Weeks/Months pass and character has "the problem" he needs eliminated. He digs the phone number out of his wallet and calls our moron ex-con hoping to get the name of someone who could do it. Ex-con is trying to make a name for himself in the criminal world so he says he can do it personally.

You could have him waaay over do it in his meeting with your 1st character, as if trying to prove he's done murder for hire before (when in truth he hasn't). Later, you could have a scene where you very subtly show the hitman watching hitman movies (Eiger Sanction, The Proffessional, etc) trying to figure out how he's going to do this thing, further establishing for the audience that he has no clue what he's doing (nothing overt, not all the audience would pick up on it if done right).

As far as an add for a hit goes, I don't see it happening. The cops will bust you and the actual bad guys will think it's the cops setting up a sting.

Patrick
 
A dude meets a fella at an inter-office skirmish party, one thing leads to another.

Would be helpful if you gave us a but more of the characters situation as we're
just kinda stabbing in the dark.
 
At a civil war re-enactment? Someone who mentions how much they wish they could really shoot someone, with real bullets? Just a thought (hey I have only had 1/2 cup of coffee so far this morning, not at my best until at least two full cups, LOL), at least it breaks away from cliche.
 
djbobbyrhodes said:
Oh, did I mention this movie is a comedy?
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I kind of assumed it was a comedy. You rarely see inferior hitmen in serious drama. In real life I'd think Craigslist would be the most likely source. But filming someone surfing the web, no matter how clever you are at voice overing the articles/AE motion graphics/etc, will be kind of cinematically boring.

You may want to consider changing the name for legal reasons, but it was the first thought that popped into my head when I read your message.
 
If your hitman gets hired off a magazine ad, consider comping up a phony magazine.

Last thing you need is SOF suing you for defamation, suggesting that their hitmen are second rate, or something...
 
Door to door.

A guy comes to the door, desperate for work. He's thinking about painting or fixing some steps, but the homeowner sees how desperate he is for work and thinks maybe he could do some other handy work.

Perhaps the handyman is so dense that it takes him a while to catch on to what is really being asked of him.
 
A little more on the plot then to clarify for you guys.

This head of a large corporation hires a hitman to do a job.

(I don't want to give away the plot too much because I haven't a. written it yet, and b. copywritten the script either.)

The hitman is actually some loser. He's all talk, and no experience. This leads to some hilarity. Oh, and the fact that he winds up bumbling the job is probably a good thing in the end.

So, I want a place where the employer could find a low-rent hitman. I was thinking that if it were a good place or something funny, then it could be a sort of running gag. Like, "That's what you get for hiring a hitman from the back of a cracker jack box." But, obviously, not that.

The hitman also works a "joe-job" separate from the company, so they can't be work aquantances.

Keep 'em coming guys. I appreciate the help.
 
Your CEO presumably doesn't have underworld contacts, or he'd simply use those (and get a 'good' hitman). And I also see him as very concerned about his (and the company's) public image and has always been a law abiding citizen etc, only his current extreme circumstances 'justify' (in his mind) needing a hitman. All this is impartant, to ensure he will unknowingly do a bad job of selecting a hitman.

Then you need a hitman who is equaly incompetent, but doesn't realise he's incompetent (and must seem comptetent to the CEO) but must be enough of a lowlife to like the idea of being a hitman. I see him being a small-time crim, loves to talk himself up as a big-time gangster and all-round psycho, and is genuinely rather scary in appearance (at least to strangers), but is actually a nervous coward, spends his days shoplifting and snatching bags from little old ladies (only the little ones!) or even more pathetic like stealing lunch money from school kids. Everyone in the crim community knows the truth, he would so love to earn some genuine 'respect', and being a real hitman would do just that. He's completely in self-denial about his lack of ability to actually kill anyone. (Possibly he simply faints at the sight of blood or even imagining blood?)

I see an accidental meeting - these two's paths would never normally cross. Some sort of conflict situation, e.g. a fender bender between three cars (or something trivial like an argument over a parking space or parking ticket), where the crim uses his violent bravado to successfully intimidate someone (not the CEO), the CEO is wildly impressed and thinks he's met the perfect guy, he approaches the crim and by pure luck says something that flatters the crim's gangster self-image, they get to talking, the CEO playing up his own importance (it's not actually a big company at all) and the crim playing up his own violent capabilities and reputation.

So now both parties think they're on the path to getting what they want, but the audience can already see that it won't end well.

It could also be useful to think about the hit target - make him/her hilariously loathesome, so the CEO actually has good reason to want that person dead.
 
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Depending on the character doing the hiring, I'd either go with a bowling alley or an ammo/shooting range.

For the bowling alley, i'd have the characters can be talking about offing the guy not quite as subtlety as they think, then get approached while returning the balls to the rack by the would be hit guy.

For an ammo/shooting range I'd go with them deciding that they need a guy that can shoot so they go there and start watching people shoot and look for a guy they think looks like a hit man.

That is all I got after being up 2 days straight. Good luck.
 
I actually originally thought of a bowling alley, but I'm trying to downplay the similarities between my story and The Big Lebowski.

The gun range idea isn't too bad.

Any more ideas, guys?
 
A gun shop might be a good place to find a potential bumbling hit man.

How about a crazy war re-inactor?

Or a washed up Hollywood wannabe action star? Maybe he never really got any good roles, only one-liner bit parts and extras work, but he's trained and studied fighting and firearms, giving the appearance that he is a competent hit man, but really he is not. You could make him even more off kilter by having this 'action star' believing that he is researching a future role.
 
Sad Max said:
I think the washed-up actor angle is pretty cool.
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He could even be a whole separate film all together.

The title could be EXTRA SPECIAL FORCES. Maybe another 3-4 wannabe action stars form up and become some sort of A-Team group?
 
Nektonic said:
He could even be a whole separate film all together.

The title could be EXTRA SPECIAL FORCES. Maybe another 3-4 wannabe action stars form up and become some sort of A-Team group?
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Holy SH1T!!!! Wow. Just, wow. I effin' love it.

Although, this is an entirely different movie.
 
djbobbyrhodes said:
Holy SH1T!!!! Wow. Just, wow. I effin' love it.

Although, this is an entirely different movie.
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For the final action scene, they could raid a Hollywood prop house for guns. Or maybe they have a weapons guy whose day job is working at the prop house that does Hollywood guns. That way he can get all kinds of guns and can modify them back to lethal status if needed.

The E.S.F. (Extra. Special. Forces) could simply call this guy Prop Guy. "Get Prop Guy on the phone, I need an AK and an RPG."

Also, they could use a make up artist and a costume designer for disguises, kinda like the Saint had all his great disguises. An FX and pyro technician could stage fake assassinations and whatnot whilst also being their explosives expert (he could be called Pyro). If you think about it, all the various Hollywood professions could come in handy, even an agent.

Crap, we may need to write this sucker.
 
So, my entire plot has changed because I've decided that my hitman is more entertaining and interesting than the rest of the characters.

Similar, but different.

*********WARNING***************
If you continue to read this post, you agree not to steal my idea.



We follow around this bumbling "hitman" who works a regular 'joe job'. His main preoccupation is hanging out, getting drunk, and acting as if he were a real hitman whose done some real jobs, which he obviously hasn't.

One day, he gets a mysterious call from an equally mysterious person.

He is hired to kill a girl for an unknown reason. When he goes to complete his mission, he winds up falling in love with the target. He can't kill the girl that he's fallen for, so he decides to team up with her in order to find the person who hired him.

Turns out there's a big conspiracy. He was hired because he was supposed to fail. Eventually our hitman discovers this, and now he knows too much. All sorts of 'badguys' are now after our hitman and his girl.

Can he pull himself together and save the day? Lets hope so!

Think: (Eastbound and Down + Beverly Hills Ninja) ^ The Professional.

-Copyright Rob Rhodes 2009
 
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