SHORT: War Movie
- Thread starter wekster
- Start date
Doc Bernard
Indie Arms Member
Okay, minor things.
1. Your lead was too clean. His face and body needed more dust/dirt.
2. Gun flashes were a bit crisp. An "on-off" kind of thing and they were all similar. In real life there is always variations of the flashes, even if from the same weapon.
3. Where was this supposed to be? The Confederate flag patch on the "bad guy" threw me, and took me out of the moment.
4. The dropping of the M4. One scene he has it, the next he doesn't. That's a big event, so showing why would of helped.
5. The grenade on the ground needed a bit of smoke as it cooked off. That would give some killer realism.
A darn good job, and I am pretty stingy with praise for action films. My standards are pretty high.
Things I really liked:
1. The computer generated maps and text.
2. The editing.
3. The sound track/music
4. The whole freaking thing.
5. Your grasp of weapons and detail.
A very good job on this, overall. You definitely seem to have an eye for live action. Like I said, this kind of praise from me is rare, so......... Keep it up!!!!!!!!!
1. Your lead was too clean. His face and body needed more dust/dirt.
2. Gun flashes were a bit crisp. An "on-off" kind of thing and they were all similar. In real life there is always variations of the flashes, even if from the same weapon.
3. Where was this supposed to be? The Confederate flag patch on the "bad guy" threw me, and took me out of the moment.
4. The dropping of the M4. One scene he has it, the next he doesn't. That's a big event, so showing why would of helped.
5. The grenade on the ground needed a bit of smoke as it cooked off. That would give some killer realism.
A darn good job, and I am pretty stingy with praise for action films. My standards are pretty high.
Things I really liked:
1. The computer generated maps and text.
2. The editing.
3. The sound track/music
4. The whole freaking thing.
5. Your grasp of weapons and detail.
A very good job on this, overall. You definitely seem to have an eye for live action. Like I said, this kind of praise from me is rare, so......... Keep it up!!!!!!!!!
Wow... Doc you are absolutely right! Thank You 
I left the idea of place of the story was taken open, because I wanted people to imagine their own place where it all happens (that's the reason why I censored the name of the place at the beginning of the film).
This was the first time I worked with muzzle flashes, so thanks for the advice, I'll pay little more attention on that next time.
According to the dropping of M4, the lead dropped it in a fight, I had a scene where it sees a little bit better, but it didn't fit in the editing, so had to cut it out.
Wherever this movie was published, all I got was '' good, awesome, excellent, great'' speech, so I'm alaways thrilled when I get constructive critics like yours, and I really appreciate it! Thank you once again!
I left the idea of place of the story was taken open, because I wanted people to imagine their own place where it all happens (that's the reason why I censored the name of the place at the beginning of the film).
This was the first time I worked with muzzle flashes, so thanks for the advice, I'll pay little more attention on that next time.
According to the dropping of M4, the lead dropped it in a fight, I had a scene where it sees a little bit better, but it didn't fit in the editing, so had to cut it out.
Wherever this movie was published, all I got was '' good, awesome, excellent, great'' speech, so I'm alaways thrilled when I get constructive critics like yours, and I really appreciate it! Thank you once again!
Doc Bernard
Indie Arms Member
I understand the feeling of trying to adapt for everyone's own location. But I think if you specified a location or at least localized it, it would drive the story more.
Same with the name of the soldier. Give him a code name, if you need to. IMO, by doing this, you bring the viewer in closer to the story unfolding in front of them. I love to be drawn into a story, rather than just see it.
Now granted, this is a short. But realistically, it's more of a cut/number of scenes from a larger untold story.
There are a lot of questions that are crucial for a full story that have gone unanswered in "War Movie". Why is he there? Why is he fighting the other guys? How did he get there? What was his mission? Who is he and why was he chosen? Does he have motivation to be there or is he trying to escape from there?
A true "short" is a complete story, just in a condensed time frame. Which in a way makes a short even harder to do (on the creative side) than a full length feature. Because you have to tell a story and have the story arc be complete in much less time than a feature.
Don't get me wrong, I love what you have here. But there is a story here that needs to be told, and questions answered on screen. Do that and keep to the same level of film-making you have been so far........I think you will do well with it on the festival level. Heck, I know a festival that you could do well in.
Same with the name of the soldier. Give him a code name, if you need to. IMO, by doing this, you bring the viewer in closer to the story unfolding in front of them. I love to be drawn into a story, rather than just see it.
Now granted, this is a short. But realistically, it's more of a cut/number of scenes from a larger untold story.
There are a lot of questions that are crucial for a full story that have gone unanswered in "War Movie". Why is he there? Why is he fighting the other guys? How did he get there? What was his mission? Who is he and why was he chosen? Does he have motivation to be there or is he trying to escape from there?
A true "short" is a complete story, just in a condensed time frame. Which in a way makes a short even harder to do (on the creative side) than a full length feature. Because you have to tell a story and have the story arc be complete in much less time than a feature.
Don't get me wrong, I love what you have here. But there is a story here that needs to be told, and questions answered on screen. Do that and keep to the same level of film-making you have been so far........I think you will do well with it on the festival level. Heck, I know a festival that you could do well in.
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The SFX (gunshots) were good, most of the time in "no budget shorts" I hear "MP3 downloaded from free sites gunshots sounds", but here the sounds fitted with the kind of gun and also the place.
Maybe these were MP3's from free sites to...But it kinda "fitted".
Was it a choice only to have music and effects ? I don't hear the sound of people moving (Foley), breathings, ambiance sounds...
Maybe these were MP3's from free sites to...But it kinda "fitted".
Was it a choice only to have music and effects ? I don't hear the sound of people moving (Foley), breathings, ambiance sounds...
Thank You.
Yes it was my choice but now I see it was bad choice. Ambience sounds were there but I`ve made mistake and killed them with music
