Steve Laramie
Veteran
How do I incorporate a personal narrative via voice over without it getting corny or cliched. I want to do a mix between fight clubs voice over style and the diving bell and the butterfly.
voice over
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ConspiracyPenguin
Nosey Penguin
Are you asking how to write it into a script or actually what to write?
Steve Laramie
Veteran
both I have heard that voice overs are corny but it may be necessary for my short. Do you have any other ideas to show the characters deep thoughts that are crucial to the development of the story.
Ted Spencer
Veteran
"Deep thoughts" are tough to convey in a movie. Narrative will do it, but over reliance on it is one of the red flags in an amateur script. Do as much as possible visually - SHOW what's going on in the character's world through good physical acting and evocative production design.
On the other hand, with proper restraint, and used only when necessary, narrative can be highly effective. "Apocalypse Now", a journal-style script, is a good example. The original version of "Blade Runner" is arguably not, although some would disagree I'm sure. The narrations were the first thing to go in Ridley Scott's Director's cut, and they never came back in subsequent versions.
On the other hand, with proper restraint, and used only when necessary, narrative can be highly effective. "Apocalypse Now", a journal-style script, is a good example. The original version of "Blade Runner" is arguably not, although some would disagree I'm sure. The narrations were the first thing to go in Ridley Scott's Director's cut, and they never came back in subsequent versions.
ConspiracyPenguin
Nosey Penguin
I agree with most of what Ted said. If you are wondering how to put it in a script, I say (although many script format Nazi's would kill me for this) do what you want. I think writer's deserve the creative freedom to tweak the "standard format" to make their job easier (maybe I, as a writer, am a little biased) As long as you stay close to format and what you are doing is understandable, there should be no problem. This is how I handle them:
In my opinion, as far as voice overs go, I think if used correctly (and in moderation) they are clever tools. I think the best way to use them is to set up a story and/or end it (example: The Bucket List) alternatively they can be used to assist a plot line.
If you want to get into deep thoughts though, that's where you need to be careful. Ted is right when he says using V/O's for thoughts can come across amatuerish if not handled with proper care. My advice: use them for that reason only when necessary, if you can avoid it by being clever in some other way, do it. If not, be conservative with the amount you use.
In my opinion, as far as voice overs go, I think if used correctly (and in moderation) they are clever tools. I think the best way to use them is to set up a story and/or end it (example: The Bucket List) alternatively they can be used to assist a plot line.
If you want to get into deep thoughts though, that's where you need to be careful. Ted is right when he says using V/O's for thoughts can come across amatuerish if not handled with proper care. My advice: use them for that reason only when necessary, if you can avoid it by being clever in some other way, do it. If not, be conservative with the amount you use.
Whoever said v/o is corny is wrong. Done right, it can work really well. I love the v/o in FALLEN and LORD OF WAR.
As for showing deep thoughts? Not easy, try and externalize them some how. Use a flashback? Use symbolism?
pmark23
Veteran
They were also done quite well in American Beauty.
The cool thing about film though, is that you can show the mental process. For example, what the character notices in the scene, the contradiction between what they say and what they do, etc.
Audiences love interpreting things, and they'll get more joy from figuring something out for themselves rather than being told what to think.
The cool thing about film though, is that you can show the mental process. For example, what the character notices in the scene, the contradiction between what they say and what they do, etc.
Audiences love interpreting things, and they'll get more joy from figuring something out for themselves rather than being told what to think.
seansshack
Well-known member
I'm a fan when done right. Guess any tool/method can be executed badly.
Can you imagine Shawshank without one?
Can you imagine Shawshank without one?
Steve Laramie
Veteran
I kind of want the audience to be a part of the main characters mind without them realizing till half way through. Any suggestions?
seansshack
Well-known member
pull a fight club. Have him talk to someone who's not really there - conversations with himself.
Been done before.But works...
Been done before.But works...
AuditoryVisuals
Well-known member
Sometimes it's unnecessary (self explaining movies), sometimes it's necessary (strange or complicated movies), sometimes it's not necessary but acceptable (self-explaining movies with a little bit of summarizing, maybe if you don't have a pinch point.) and sometimes it's not necessary but way better with (if it's funny, if it's powerful etc.).
If it's somebody telling a story, it's better, in my opinion. Like Forest Gump.
If it's somebody telling a story, it's better, in my opinion. Like Forest Gump.
Ted Spencer
Veteran
Try writing it as you want to. Then ask yourself: "In all honesty - am I copping out by 'telling' the story rather than showing it?" If you can truthfully answer no to that, you're probably ok.
"Deep thoughts" for the most part are the territory of novelists. It's a major part of what makes a novel its own distinct form of storytelling (along with vastly greater length).
Fundamentally, movies tell stories with pictures.
--and scuba divers.
Make them laugh, make them cry, or make them scared. If you can do any of those three, you're kicking butt.