Unproduced Spy Fest 2007 Script

Not really so much "bad" as it is ineffective and trite. There are so many cool directions this script could go in:
1. Robbie could be trying to find solace in his father having "left"-- there is no spy-world, there only exists a product of his wounded imagination. Similar in design to Jojopop's "Don't Look," although potentially more character driven.
2. Mr. Monroe is a child molester. It's a painful and frightening topic, but it could provide for a fascinating story. Robbie knows he's being watched by Monroe, his childlike mind cannot fathom why-- so he creates a faux-spy world. A combination of childish games, and terrifying realism could mesh perfeclty, creating something wholly original. The climax would be bloody and brutal. If it was written with enough care, I could see this film as easily being a winner (although not likely here, given this forum's seeming disdain for real human conflicts).
3. Turn's out Robbie has been hired by the CIA as a wired informant on Mr. Monroe. He tries to tell people he's working for the CIA, but no one believes him. Until the end, of course.

You need to go a lot deeper than just "is he or isn't he a spy." As it stands, it's underdeveloped, and I doubt many would like it.

Hope this helped.
 
Larry, that's a solid script, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I would definately say change the name. But in terms of content I thought it took an approach that wasn't too "Ugh he's a molester" or too "Ugh he's crying wolf" or too "Ugh the kid is a super spy". I dont actually think that there's any "is he or isnt he a spy", I felt that he was playing spy and two situations just clicked; but loved how Robbie's perception of his spy-hood didn't change once he saw the briefcase. Also, I was glad to see this 11 year old kid chasing the KGB. I dont think this would make a great movie mostly because the casting would never be good enough, and i can practically hear the goofy royalty free music in my ear. Better than most scripts that made it through spyfest.
 
McLeish said:
I felt that he was playing spy and two situations just clicked; but loved how Robbie's perception of his spy-hood didn't change once he saw the briefcase.
Click to expand...
Here's where my beef lies with the script-- it's callously dumped on the audience, making them an unsure crowd, as well as somewhat confused. Because of his unaltered perception, it shows that the kid really "was" a spy, a situation which is clearly dispelled earlier. The twice used "father" adage was sloppily executed, as it sent a red herring on the audience, not the protagonist.

It needs to be refined.

But I do agree it's better than most of the scripts from the DVX film fest.
 
I believe ambiguity is an essential, and often ignored writing technique. One can say "oh! he was a spy all along" and another can say "he's so lost inside his own world". It was a simple, undefined moment and I'm glad I wasn't told how to take it. I would hope more people find this thread and add some other viewpoints.
 
I think interpretation is fine-- it just shouldn't all be based around interpretation, unless it's an art film. Judging by the title alone; this ain't no art film.

It's the same qualm I had with Donnie Darko, a technically well made film, but, in the end, the director really didn't know what he was doing, and it all fell through. He left the lameO- cop-out "it's all open to YOUR interpretation" instead of showing us he had an real way of tying it all together. Just listen to the commentary; the fellow had no clue what the hell he was doing.

For summary:
Blueberry - Good ambiguity
Donnie Darko - Bad ambiguity
 
Wow! I didn't expect this :) But cool, it's always great to hear people's honest feedback on my work...that's why I posted it.

I'm concerned that you feel it was so ambiguous. The intent was that Robbie was not a spy, but at times you may wonder if he actually is. But ultimately the "surprise" or "twist" was that the mother, who seems so disinterested with Robbie's "game" is actually a spy herself.

The "father" part was just to explain why Robbie had slipped into an imaginary world so separate from reality. The "surprise" then being that it wasn't really so far off after all.

No, this was not intended to be an art film. The title, obviously, would have to change if taken outside of the fest, but since it was written SPECIFICALLY for the fest, it was a fun little play on an existing franchise. In particular, this was because I wrote the script for Brandon Rice to produce and he is a Robert Rodriguez fan.

For the record, the music would have been a custom composition by Justin Durban, not "goofy royalty free music" :thumbsup:

Anyway, thanks for the comments. Certainly gives me stuff to think about if I do expand it in the future.

I hope others read and comment as well, would be curious to get more input.

Thanks again,
Larry
 
Hmmm, that mother "twist" really didn't come through in the script; like, at all. In my honest opinion, I don't really see it working all that well, and I think it only would have further confused the audience.

...And remember, there is nothing, I mean nothing worse than blatant "in-jokes," unless their incredibly carefully placed.
 
His mom is a spy? What? Nowhere in the script do I read this.

Honestly, it's an entertaining enough read, and I have no real problem with the ambiguity issue. Maybe he's a spy, maybe he's not. Okay, good.

Here's my problem: the story has no moral compass. There's no internal justice whatsoever. Robbie DIES, and for what? He hasn't achieved anything! His neighbor, who we don't even meet until halfway through the script, gets away clean. What does this teach us? Basically, I'm saying that it doesn't feel like a complete story arc. It feels like a first act.

One other minor point: with all the talk of communists and the KGB and so forth, it would be nice to quickly establish somewhere that this is a period piece. Otherwise, you confuse and alienate the reader. I'm sure that in the complete film these details would be obvious, but why not include a few of them in the script? Scripts need to exist in complete worlds, too.

Thanks for sharing it. I hope my comments are helpful!
 
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