The Whole Universe Is Against Me

monte

Bag of Douche
First let me start off by saying Minnesota is a hell hole. Sure it's beautiful, but then again, so are poisonous caterpillars. It is so cold, you wouldn't even believe it. I took my camera outside the other day, and since it was way below zero, my camera simply exploded, and the shards of the lense flew into my eye. Blinding me.

Well, atleast I get to wear a pirate-esque eyepatch. Oh yah, I have been getting ready to shoot this short for the past 3 weeks and I still can't get enough actors, because, you know, the powers that be make everybodies schedules different. So now, I have to take my canon zr60, out to shoot right? Well that would be fine if it didn't constantly auto expose

This wouldn't be so bad if the godamn snow wasn't brighter than Jesus! I mean holy ****, what the hell is going on? I swear, the other day, some guy that looked like buddha just walked up to me and kicked me in the testicles, and then walked off for no reason. Oh, did i mention I'm freaking out about shooting my short, yah, I did? Well, hmm what else happened...

Oh yah, a drunk passed out under my car, so I couldn't do location scouting today, yah that's fun. What else... That's right, a bus full of nuns was driving by and they saw me holding my canon zr60, and they all shouted "Noob burn in hell YOU SUCK HAHAHA" and they literally said that as they threw monkey feces at me out the windows. It wouldn't have been so bad if the feces didn't hit me in the head, knocking off my eyepatch and getting into the eye.

"Ok dont worry monte you can clean the **** off your eye" i told myself as i ran towards the river! Oops! The wind gusts and freezing cold air cooled off the **** and dried it on my eye. WOOPS! That's too bad, guess I have to do the sensible thing...

So i took a chainsaw and I started it up, so i could cut the **** off my eye, but I lost my grip on it (I have frostbite on my fingers from living in this shithole all my life) when a crazed homeless man came asking me for water. The chainsaw jumped up into the air, and came down, slicing through both my shins.

I screamed in pain. Luckily an ambulance was right there, and the 2 drivers came over to me with shocked expressions, then their expressions turned to disgust, as they looked at my mangled body.

"Oh it's HIM"
"Yes HIM" the other replied. Then they began to stomp on my face, my testicles, and proceeded to break all my fingers just out of spite, even though they were late for work.

So, now I'm typing this, while my house just got started on fire from being so cold! I didn't think it was possible but it was...




Just letting off steam cus I'm so stressed out, because I've been having to help a very very very very cranky temporary crippled woman for the past 4 weeks (I live with her) and also due to my short and lack of actors and locations due to the crippled alkdsfjlasdkjflaksdjflk **** it
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

Luxury....When I was a lad we didn't have eye patches, used to have to take eye out and send it in for repairs...And nuns in them days used to carry AK- 47's and ride around in bulletproof armoured vehicles. You should count yourself lucky to live in times like these. ;)
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

[quote author=monte link=board=Offtopic;num=1103847898;start=0#0 date=12/23/04 at 16:24:58]
Oh yah, a drunk passed out under my car, so I couldn't do location scouting today[/quote]

Uhhh... sorry about that. It's not my fault. I have a problem.


If the cold is a problem, perhaps you should shoot your short in tropical Mankato, MN:

http://descy.50megs.com/mankato/Mankato.html
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

HA! That was hilarious! Good work Monte!

Umm, ya...
contents of this thread:

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Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

Hey Monte...I can relate to the cold stuff, I used to live in Fort Frances Ontario which is the candian border town to International falls Minnesota. Yep it was freakin cold but snowmobiling was a hoot. I was 14-16 when I lived there so I have many fond memories. Stress I got comming end of Jan, same every year...one month to produce 21 three minute video chunks for the corporate world. Changes will be announced three days before the show and thats when I'll windowshop the gun shop with longing. I'm smiling now cos I think I'm on top of it. Just hope my stress post is as funny as yours when it comes ;D
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

i dont get bums passing out under my car...i get cats shaggin like mad inside my car cause the tops down....squirting little cat spunk all over the place...smells...and they are noisy. ever herd cats go at it? goodtimes...just means more hoodcats for spring...yay.

ive gotten used to the smell.
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

Do you really have a DVX, or do you just like the way Monte Video sounds?

:)

Dan
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

I love how everyone in Minnesota says "oh, yah" ;D
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

[quote author=CaptainMench link=board=Offtopic;num=1103847898;start=0#11 date=12/24/04 at 08:50:23]You had me right up to the Nuns part.

[/quote]

;D

Truth be told, first few seconds of reading I was thinking... This poor bastard...
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

Me too. I kept on thinking about your exploded DVX. worried me.
 
Re: The Whole Universe Is Against Me

[quote author=Rich Lee link=board=Offtopic;num=1103847898;start=0#7 date=12/23/04 at 20:41:36]i dont get bums passing out under my car...i get cats shaggin like mad inside my car cause the tops down....squirting little cat spunk all over the place...smells...and they are noisy. ever herd cats go at it? goodtimes...just means more hoodcats for spring...yay.

ive gotten used to the smell.[/quote]

HAHAHAHAHAHA funniest thing i've heard in awhile. Gets me in the Christmas spirit!
 
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