SHORT: "The Unspoken"

D.L. Watson

D.L. Watson

New member
The short film:

I was curious if anyone here could provide some constructive feedback on this short film that I have recently released.

It was shot with a 60D using primarily a 200mm lens. Audio was captured using a PMD with a shotgun microphone.

The film cost me just $45 for food and gas. Everyone on the production was volunteer.

Here is a behind the scene video:
 
Hi there.

Welcome to the forum.

I thought the photography was pretty good, and the short held my attention but I just couldn't get over some of the acting and basically the tone of the short. To me it looked like they were arguing over a life or death situation in the middle of the worst day of their lives, but that's not what they were talking about at all. It felt like the female actor was basically just told 'be real mad', and I don't think it plays well.

I thought your actors had potential, especially the guy - he had some good moments, but overall I wasn't buying it. It was too intense, and too trivial for me personally. Both in the script and the realization of it.

I read on the vimeo that you were standing so far back from the actors and you shot multiple takes just in case something didn't work out. Just curious - why couldn't you check the shots first (since the bulk of it took place over those reversals) and then watch the actors faces?

I personally would have left out the piano at the end when he pulls out the ring. Seen/heard that 'lone piano' thing too many times and I feel like it cheapens the ending.

Anyway those are my thoughts. Congratulations on the film, it's no easy task putting together a production and I hope to see more from you.

Chris
 
Thanks for watching and giving feedback.

I think the idea the writer and myself were trying to achieve was sometimes trivial fights can become a really big deals in some situations, especially for a woman who is struggling between the love she had from her now dead husband and a new man trying to take his place.

I cannot count on how many fingers my girlfriend and I have had doosy fights that started over trivial things. The writer and I feel that it's a natural occurrence in any long-term relationship.

I should also clarify that I didn't direct the film blindly. I did review the video - but the point I was trying to make was because the camera was 8 feet from the car and the audio was being recorded through a separate devise, I was not able to hear their performance. I had to trust my sound mixer (which was risky lol)

This is why I took multiple takes of the main chunk of the film. Ideally, I needed to be plugged into the PMD with headphones and a monitor extension from the camera. But because we were on a tight budget, $350+ for a monitor just wasn't realistic at that point.

I understand your point on the piano, but without it, it just didn't seem complete for me aesthetically.

Again, thanks so much for taking the time to watch and review the film. I very much appreciate it.
 
I had a couple of thoughts.

1) Framing:

The OverTheShoulder shots seemed to cramped to one side. Less so on the shots over the guy's shoulder towards the girl. But on the girl's side going towards the guy, she's 'falling out of the frame'. In both cases there's plenty of 'airspace' on the opposite side, so to me it isn't a matter of trying to squeeze the people in the frame.

The use of the sun... well overcast sky light led to some dark holes for eyes in the shots.

2) Sound was muffled.

3) On the final scene, I'd probably cut the reaction shot of the guy looking at the ring, and just have him take it out in the wide shot, a close up, then back to wide with the toss of the box back into the trunk.

Alternatively, I might have the box fall out of the coat on the ground as he was getting his wallet, then go with the close up, at least for the viewer to recognize a ring box, and toss... the explicit taking it out, looking at it, to me seems a bit maudlin...
 
I liked it. Nice drama piece.
I agree it was a realistic argument - most are.
I disagree with the other reviewer that the acting was poor.
My biggest critique with the piece deals with lighting. Raccoon eyes through out. The audience needs to see the eyes.
Good job - look forward to seeing more.
 
agree the guy had his moments, although the eyes were "telling something else", but he could get into a career for sure. The girl no comment. If you do a second version try to open up the sound a bit, it sounds chocked (too much base).
 
It's interesting to hear the feedback here versus other communities I have posted. They are very different indeed.
 
Well, there's certainly no definition what good acting is, you ask anyone about their favorite performer and you have instant discussion no matter level of interest in film... To me, she just seemed uncompelling. Like, "hey, let's switch back over to the guy now, he seemed more interesting."
 
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