The Takeover - By lucidz

L

lucidz

Well-known member
Ok I know this was a disaster. I couldn't get talent togethor before jan 22nd, due to actress having a gig during november, and my actor having a house fire in december.

Jan 22nd was coincidentally the same day I had to move into my new house.

I ended up shooting 8 hours that sunday with no ability for reshoots. The ending is an example of that, upon having to cut my 12 minute cut to 6 minutes, I couldn't make it fit, nor reshoot anything, so you get this mess.

That said!

I know I shouldn't quit my dayjob, and that this is a complete explosion of non-coherence. But still, any non obvious advice that can be given would be great.
I really wanted to finish this no matter what happened. Its pretty obvious too lol.


I know I'm getting about a 3 on every aspect of this, but I still apreciate any feedback you can give, assuming you finished it :)
 
Oh my goodness gracious, but this is non-coherent. I'm trying to think about what I can say that might help -
I think it's time to sit in a room and start telling stories. I mean, that you had a 12 minute cut of a 6 minute film tells me a lot about your original source material. You need to learn to tell a story in a set amount of time - it is one of the most vital skills a filmmaker can develop.
I think you were at your best during the shocking torture sequence towards the middle of the film. Maybe you could explore that more in a later film, hopefully with a bit more narrative justification. That fat actor is interesting, if a bit young - you might want to tap that well again.
Keep filming, and better luck with the getting-it-done thing next time!
 
Look, you started out ok. The color grading ouside was nice. The establishing scene with the girl looked pretty good and it set the scene. Then you started some kind of dynamic between the girl and the intruder and before it could go anywhere you killed the girl and the movie at the same instant. To me, there was very little motivation or purpose for the killing and that actress was the best thing you had going in the film. I agree with penfever--you need to come up with a story that fits the alloted time. Eight hours would have been enough, if your idea had been focused and scaled to what you could accomplish. No-budget filmmaking is all about improv--you need to scrap and rewrite as you shoot and take advantage of the assets you have. I would have had the film revolve around the question of whether the girls really was in cahoots with the aliens or the guy was delusional. Balance it on a knife edge and throw in a twist at the end like the girl *is* an alien, or doesn't realize she's an alien.
 
Wise words - a twist is always appreciated, as long as the audience has a chance to see it coming. Too many filmmakers think a 'twist' means throwing something random in at the end, but in fact it involves a shift in the viewer's perception. What's fun about the 'twist' is that the viewer's been watching the film one way, and the filmmaker subtly but firmly forces them to see the whole situation in a new light. "The Sixth Sense" is a fine example of this.
 
Some positives were: Your cc. The music was a good choice, especially the beginning and end pieces.

I agree with the above posters about the story - It just was slapped together and it showed. I think you tried to tackle too much, considering the time you had. Scale down the story, and make it a human one with a sci-fi element, and I think you could have done it.

Also - YOU MADE A FILM. Bad, good, whatever. You didn't wait for the $, time, gear, participants etc...and you put it out for public viewing. Every film is a learning experience, so this wasn't a waste, IMO.

Frankly, your attitude impresses me more than your film - Get the job done, put it out there, and make it better next time. Believe me, you'll go farther with that attitude then 10 great short films and a Varicam:beer:

Cheers.
 
Lucidz,

I have to give you credit for putting it out there, and there's isn't much I can share from my notes that hasn't already been said. I though your actress was doing a fine job. The "he" was okay but did get steadily worse as the movie wore on.

It does seem slapped together because there's a clear line that gets drawn when she gets killed... it's like the story goes off into left field. Also, you are better off leaving the FX out if you can't pull them off. Bad greenscreen and CGI are only going to take away from your story if you're not getting them done at least reasonably well (and DV is a b*tch to pull off good green screen).

Only other thing is that I can enjoy the POV of a character if it's not overdone and too much... then it just because a bit annoying. I'd lose that perspective and go for more of the getting the story coherent first, as seen through a third party's eyes ;)

Thanks for putting yourself out there and sharing your film -- we're all in this learning game together, eh? :)
 
Without going through the above comments, I'll just post mine.

The beginning started out nicely, although poorly lit in many spots ... hard enough it was difficult to see (I'm watching through a CTR monitor right now). I especially liked the clean, simple titles at the beginning .. nice touch.

Though the opening with the actress wasn't interesting, it was well performed and seemed EXTREMELY real & natural. I thought she did pretty well until she appeared to be nearly arguing with the guy that she has no idea what he's talking about, and lost that sense of fear she just previously had.

His performance wasn't all that great, though phyically he fit the role well. I couldn't tell what that tool was he used to chop her before we cut to black, but I'll assume it wasn't pleasant based on the scream/cut to black.

From there, it just went WAY down hill for me. From the overly drawn out shot on the sliding glass door, and then picked up acceleration as we see the alien ship, him captured by the aliens ... he takes a shot, then kills himself, then ends up back in the same apartment? Dream, what?

You started out well, then 2/3 just lost me, and I'll assume everyone else. I'd like to see the finished/revised short someday.
 
I hate to cop out here but I'm going to have to echo Envision. I could go through and repeat it but then it would just be piling on. I feel he gave a very comprehensive critique and it does a great job summing up my feelings as well.
 
I'll have to agree with what's been said so far - not sure what was going on and it looked thrown together, but then again, it was thrown together so way to put it out there anyway, I guess!

I don't know if this has been mentioned, but the lighting was pretty bad. It was too bright at times, and at other times the shadows were really distracting.
 
I made a vow to comment on everything, so I'm going to try and say something that hasn't been said yet....

Well, first let me say I agree the best thing about this flick is the actress. She did a damn fine job, felt extremely natural, and the worst part of the movie was when we stopped following her and started following this guy we had no sympathy for instead.

Second, let me say that I liked the music on the sound track, but I didn't think it was overly appropriate. Maybe *because* I liked it, but that affection clashed with my lack thereof for the villain of the piece, who seemed merely brutal and imbalanced.

I enjoyed some of the camera work, though a lot of the interiors felt flat and kind of empty. I think you've got the talent involved in this to do good stuff, but it's gonna be when you do some planning and make the time that we find out exactly how far that goes. So it'll be good to see your next entry.
 
The music was too loud and i thought this rather weird, yet another gun to head suicide.
 
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