The Seeding Room

david jerome

Well-known member
As You Sow, So Shall You Reap

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I really had no idea where to draw the acceptable, unacceptable line on this type of fest. I'm guessing whatever side this one falls on it will be pretty close.​
 
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I hope it veers more toward the "unacceptable." Controversy is fun! :evil: :banned: :grin:
 
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SPOILERS BELOW


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You can quote me on this. That was ALIEN EROTICAWESOME!! (insert crazy lady from "So You Think You Can Dance" scream)

I think that I should probably be offended, or at least repulsed...but I can't stop laughing. "It is the size of her arm." !!!!!!!!!


Love it or hate it....No one will be forgetting this entry.
 
i absolutely LOVE the poster! did you notice how big the nipple shadow was? haha. and it goes perfectly with your sci fi/porn... tinramlehcar is so right... NO ONE will be forgetting this one! i'm impressed by how daring you are. and how original. the only thing your works have in common is how uniquely "david" they are. and your graphic visual descriptions will have the more prudish readers peeking at the script through their closed fingers... but they still won't stop reading because the plot is intriguing and the writing style flows easily. i'm really interested to see what others have to say actually. i will be more specific later. and, yes, i am still blushing. :)
 
first line, “just reaching the age of maturity” is really kind of ambiguous. when exactly to we reach maturity? the script is filled with “unfilmables” which are at home in a novel but glaringly out of place in a script. the reference to hanging seems incongruous with a sci-fi interplanetary war universe.



A twelve line paragraph in a short screenplay is like a steak that’s half bone.


...especially when that twelve line paragraph is nothing but an overly-choreographed sex scene. This is not r-rated material here what with soaked panties and arm-length shafts.



oh my god, you’ve actually trumped the previous brick of narrative with something twice as large. it goes without saying a chunk of text this big does not belong in any script.

[FONT=&quot]there seems to be a nice idea hidden in this somewhere but it’s barely discernable behind what surpasses erotica to become (in my opinion) simple porn.
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