The Dust Settles

Haha, best response ever. Makes me kind of sad that the actors made you feel that way about the scene, but priceless response!! Admittedly, the acting was a little bit over the top, and that was not our intent. But, you have to take into account that these were last minute replacement actors. Remarkable job on the movie Jace, I'm not just saying this because I had a vested interest, but I honestly feel that this movie captured the intent of the war fest better than any other movie. If you don't win the fest, at least know that your movie attempted the most with the least. Honor and Glory brother.
 
Jace, really ambitious project here, and it sounds like you had barely any crew and time -- so fantastic job accomplishing what you did. Favorite parts were definitely the combat sequence, and the actor who played the older Sargent - he played it right and totally looked the part.
Critique: I'll echo some prior comments that the final sequence didn't really work for me and was IMO overacted. It didn't feel super dramatic for me -- I could've done with less dialogue. Anyway, great first go at drama, and for a one day shoot that's pretty crazy.
 
EOh man, I'm sorry guys. I thought the war scenes were really good, The audio was very crisp and had a big budget sound. I guess the reason I thought the brother scene was comical was due to the over acting and the way he kept popping up for each line, and gasping the way they do it in the old kung fu movies when someone dies, also it seemed like the dialogue wasn't matching, but the audio drift happened on another film, so I think its my connection speed or pc doing it. I thought the following scene when the guy throws up the hand jesture the surfers" hang loose" was deliberate, and to be funny, kind of mocking the way soldiers are always communicating with hand signals.

Either way kudos for getting out there and making a film, I didn't even do that, so take my comment with a grain of salt. The good thing is you learned, and your next film will be even better because we as film makers are always learning from our mistakes :)
 
That hand signal was an actual signal for the wedge formation. We use that when entering open terrain and need soldiers to spread out in a wedge shape around the centrally located team leader.
 
Jace, Jared, super ambitious here! Visual look is stellar, and I really dig the idea of the 2nd civil war starting and what that would mean for our country. My comments would be the same as I gave in writing group, the death scene could have played better with 1/4 or even 1/10 the dialogue.

I'd have preferred less shaky cam, but it still looks cool.

Jared, you are a bad ass :-). Gotta have you in my one of my projects when I can get around to an action or war film.

Cheers guys!
 
This was a very fun shoot that I am very happy to have been a part of. As far as my overacting, my bad. Now I get to learn and grow from it and hopefully come back stronger so I can more accurately bring stories to life. Great work Jace making a lot out of so little on set time! :)
 
Shawn Philip Nelson said:
Jace, Jared, super ambitious here! Visual look is stellar, and I really dig the idea of the 2nd civil war starting and what that would mean for our country. My comments would be the same as I gave in writing group, the death scene could have played better with 1/4 or even 1/10 the dialogue.

I'd have preferred less shaky cam, but it still looks cool.

Jared, you are a bad ass :-). Gotta have you in my one of my projects when I can get around to an action or war film.

Cheers guys!
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Thanks man! I appreciate the feedback. We really had a good time filming this, I would have preferred a little more time to shoot as we were in a place where a bunch of locals go out to shoot real guns, so between takes we had to move out of the quarry and let them shoot there guns, then we'd go back in and do another scene and so on and so fourth. Otherwise from the little amount of recourses, time, crew we had, I am happy how it all came out. :)
 
Don't feel bad about your scene Bill, it would have been very difficult to pull off for even a professional actor due to the way I wrote it. It takes writing a script and actually seeing how it looks on screen to realize what works and what does not. It was my first script, and I definitely learned a lot. I actually have a few more scripts that I'd like to show to the screen writing group that are in my opinion much better written that the one I wrote for this movie. I don't know when the next meeting is, but I'm leaving for Australia this coming Wednesday for the rest of the summer, meaning Jace will probably end up bringing them in my place.
 
Thanks man. I'm excited to read what you got coming next! You're gonna be a great addition to the creativity.
 
Shawn Philip Nelson said:
Jace, Jared, super ambitious here! Visual look is stellar, and I really dig the idea of the 2nd civil war starting and what that would mean for our country. My comments would be the same as I gave in writing group, the death scene could have played better with 1/4 or even 1/10 the dialogue.

I'd have preferred less shaky cam, but it still looks cool.

Jared, you are a bad ass :-). Gotta have you in my one of my projects when I can get around to an action or war film.

Cheers guys!
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I appreciate the kind words. I'm not much of an actor, but if you ever need somebody to carry a big gun and shoot/hit people in the face, I'll be your chosen champion.
 
Awe what can i say about this film (apart from the insane shutter speed hehe!) - this was basically an adolescents wet dream (well not mine... but dvx haven't agreed to interracial-midget-fest just yet...)

It's like Santa Claus delivered a pile of airsoft guns - and you guys had to run riot in the woods! Story wise - we're thrown into the thick of it - given (yet another dixie-land) neurosis of a USA facing imminent civil war (Chik-afils vs Starbucks). Cinematography and gun fx... etc all that kinda stuff was okay, i think the muzzle flashes could have done with (some more blur) especially with all these fast camera movements, blur it in (kill the opacity a bit) and so forth.

But back to the actual film... omg... the (oh warning - spoilers) brothers... (hehe - honestly I blame Rolf Harris for that) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmL3m2zcoOI

So we have our poor 'brother' with his excruciating death (and dialogue) giving an incredible final testimony (it basically consists of the entirety of a future 1200 wd wikipedia article on - a future US war...) I can't recall the dialogue precisely (but I'll have a go!) It went something like this....

DYING BROTHER
Bro... this is it... you got me gol'darnnit... just like you always wanted when we waaaz kids! Gosh I never thought I would see you after...
1) The OPEC Oil embargo against the US
2) The Iraqi cocoa-nut inscurrection
3) When we served together in the suicide squad of the Boy Scouts
4) Performed together on the Iranian version of Addams Family Values on... ICE!

And a variety of other unnecessary expositional past exploits relating to the granduer of the outside war being fought (to justify this self indulgent airsoft skirmish!)

That said - the acting of our dying chap (despite his dialogue) was full of energy - and the casting (for our dude with the cigar) was perfect.

I think the film could have benefited from its unashamed pure action cheese by setting us up (with the expositional stuff bang either bang in the start) or with just... 3 short lines even of dialogue at the start. It really dosent take as much to set up the action as we think - so long as we're clear and concise about it (The Captive manages to do that somewhat better.)

All in all a fun effort chaps, just lacking discipline with the storytelling with a blunderbuss approach to exposition letting it down!
 
I agree that the placement of the exposition was poor. I didn't realize how awkwardly it would fit on screen when I wrote it. After seeing the final product, I completely agree that it would have been better suited being mentioned briefly in the beginning, not as last dying words. However, you make it seem like the idea of a future American civil war is somehow cliche or cookie cutter. I disagree with this, and think that the concept itself was the strongest part of the script, and rarely attempted by other movies. The execution of this concept should have been performed better, and it certainly will be on our next movie.
 
Tequilawoo, You have a great attitude, and seem like a really cool guy. Each performace is a stepping stone to the next. I do acting jobs on occasion, and can say this, You have balls of steel for taking on the role, there's not many people that even have the courage to get in front of the camera and play out a dying scene. Kudos to you man!
 
Lots of action, high shutter speeds, high con ultra green CC, Video Copilot Action Essentials and a cigar-chewing Sgt. Rock - who could ask for more? Maybe no high shutter speed during the opening? It's not really needed when a guy is taking a leak. Using it throughout the film detracted from it's use in the action scenes. The battles were good, not great. Didn't really have that slam-bang impact at times, but it looked pretty good overall. I have to say the ending was way over the top, hurt badly by the wildly expository dialog that read like a "here's what not to do when writing a script." Who cares why they're fighting, it's the fact that they are brothers that's important. I won't go into the fact that brother fighting brother is probably the most overused war theme known to man, but nothing is original anymore.

Great job with costumes, props (although a few of the guns looked a little too Airsoft at times) and a cast of thousands. A fun short. Enjoyed watching it.
 
However, you make it seem like the idea of a future American civil war is somehow cliche or cookie cutter.
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There is nothing wrong with an artist engaging with popular ideas, they only become cliche if there not presented with originality or innovation (but instead with the repetition) of other ideas. I certainly dont find your idea of a future American civil war cliche, but your presentation was the very stuff of cookie-cutter-ness at the end. So much so that it was comedic in its effect which was hardly the outcome you would have desired.

I agree with maran, you do have a good attitude towards critique and I also reckon you have balls of steel for playing out your death rattle on camera. The acting (of you) wasn't bad either but - the set up, and dialogue was what let it become something silly/cute/adolescence and cookie cutter-ish. The same outfits, same cinematography and same 'quality' of performance could have brought you a very different outcome for a film playing on your same ideas and concepts.
 
lawriejaffa said:
It's like Santa Claus delivered a pile of airsoft guns - and you guys had to run riot in the woods! Story wise - we're thrown into the thick of it - given (yet another dixie-land) neurosis of a USA facing imminent civil war (Chik-afils vs Starbucks). Cinematography and gun fx... etc all that kinda stuff was okay, i think the muzzle flashes could have done with (some more blur) especially with all these fast camera movements, blur it in (kill the opacity a bit) and so forth
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funny thing was, none of the guns by the primary/close up cast were actually airsoft :p the only airsoft guns were by three of the opposing side. But the brother on the opposing side, the leader of the opposing side, and all of the renegade's guns were real
 
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but I thank everyone for the critiques, some arent really anyone's fault as most of it had to do with the little amount of resources and time we had to film. Which was less then a day, no equipment other then my tripod and 7d and just the audio off the camera mic, and all the props/costumes donated by my brother and the air soft troupe who played the opposing soldiers. If I had a some crew, like a real DP, along with some great equipment like a dolly, crane, steadycame, sound, and over a week to film it, the movie would have been fantastic. But I used what I could, and personally I think we did a pretty great job.
 
I am seriously impressed that you shot a battle sequence. That is something I want to try and tackle some day - I got nervous working with just one spear. :)

I thought you did a great job of capturing the frenzy and chaos of battle. The death scene (as other have mentioned) would probably work better with less dialogue, but that is an easy fix.

I really look forward to seeing more of your films in the future.
 
Chris Messineo said:
I am seriously impressed that you shot a battle sequence. That is something I want to try and tackle some day - I got nervous working with just one spear. :)

I thought you did a great job of capturing the frenzy and chaos of battle. The death scene (as other have mentioned) would probably work better with less dialogue, but that is an easy fix.

I really look forward to seeing more of your films in the future.
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Thanks man! I was surprised no one else tried it in fact, it is a bit of a challenge but once you get going it gets real easy. To prepare I got together with the cast and watch Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down, gave us some really great inspiration and ideas
 
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