"The Duel" a new short

Pretty cool concept.

I didn't get what it was about at first, which is a great way to approach it, but the problem is that you need something to catch us at the beginning, to keep people watching up to the ending.

I'm glad I watched it. Very interesting. Although I gotta admit, ending shot was a bit silly, even comical. I mean it just didn't fit the rest of the piece because it was so fake, the explosion was wierd and the "earth" looked very low rez. I would either cut it out (as it's obvious that's how it ends), or get someone that does the job well with great CG. Even then, showing us the world explode is a bit strange itself, still a bit comical.

The acting was pretty good. I mean it was a tad over the top at times, but I'm assuming they're not professional actors.

A bit of continuit error with the peices also. I mean it was the man in white's turn to go, I think, and he had two pieces left, and the man in black had one move left, but then the man in black moves and we see the man in white has one left. Confused me for a second.

The lighting was a bit wierd. I get you were trying to go for that "void" or "mystical" look, but something was strange about it. First that light behind mr black was just a bit too distracting, making me think it was a mistake. Also it just felt a bit too harsh. Perhaps if you had softened it a bit more.

The music choice was nice, but with the BSG version of "all along the watchtower" playing at the end, it makes me think too much of BSG. Especially because it has to do with the fate of mankind and all of that.

Good job nonetheless. Dialogue needs a bit of work, but some lines were great.
 
Jon Starr said:
I'm glad I watched it. Very interesting. Although I gotta admit, ending shot was a bit silly, even comical. I mean it just didn't fit the rest of the piece because it was so fake, the explosion was wierd and the "earth" looked very low rez. I would either cut it out (as it's obvious that's how it ends), or get someone that does the job well with great CG. Even then, showing us the world explode is a bit strange itself, still a bit comical.


A bit of continuit error with the peices also. I mean it was the man in white's turn to go, I think, and he had two pieces left, and the man in black had one move left, but then the man in black moves and we see the man in white has one left. Confused me for a second.

The lighting was a bit wierd. I get you were trying to go for that "void" or "mystical" look, but something was strange about it. First that light behind mr black was just a bit too distracting, making me think it was a mistake. Also it just felt a bit too harsh. Perhaps if you had softened it a bit more.

The music choice was nice, but with the BSG version of "all along the watchtower" playing at the end, it makes me think too much of BSG. Especially because it has to do with the fate of mankind and all of that.

Good job nonetheless. Dialogue needs a bit of work, but some lines were great.
Click to expand...

Thanks so much for your comments, Jon. You've given me a lot of constructive criticism on the last few shorts I've posted here.

I do wish I knew someone who could do the earth blowing up shot b/c that is obviously not my expertise. I thought it would be a fun way to end things and figured I'd give it a shot myself. Lesson learned, haha.

Continuity w/ the checkers pieces was a nightmare, as you can imagine. I thought I had all the moves worked out, but when I imported my footage, I caught the same error you noticed. Drives me nuts!

The lighting for every shot was actually done w/ just the lamp on the table, nothing else. I do see the problems you note, and will definitely try to work better on this aspect of my shorts.

I couldn't resist using the BSG version of "all along the watchtower" haha. I knew that it would definitely conjure memories of the show for anyone who watched it, but I figured it would work well as an homage as well as work for anyone who didn't see that show.

Seriously, thanks again for your comments, Jon!
 
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