SHORT: The Drawing - Comedy Sketch

[tommygdawg]

Howdy, everyone

Did this over the last weekend as a fun side project. Would love to hear any thoughts you all may have!

 

[ugafan]

edit:

in my original post i was critical, but not specific. after posting, i decided that wasn't especially helpful. instead, i'll go through the sketch and tell you what didn't work for me.

1. calling someone a ***** in and of itself isn't funny. you need context. without it, he comes across as a misogynistic asshole. it's not a good first impression for the main character carrying a comedy.
2. the line about the mom not going to the store because she can't get her head out of the tv is too clunky. the dialogue doesn't sound natural.
3. the bag of salad is your best joke.
4. "art class" - she is overacting, big time.
5. 50 cent menu, timing is off.
6. hieronymus bosch is too obsure. it doesn't work if the audience has no clue who you're talking about.
7. butthead going to far? reaction isn't believable at all.
8. lollipop to convince him to pose? why?
9. laughter is more annoying than funny.
10. no pay off at the end.