The Double Date - William Robinette

johnlabonney said:
What's the Jackie O? Is it a club of some kind? I'm getting the feeling it's an inside joke.
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Not really a joke per say. Collectively we agreed the "drive-in" sounded a little erm, dated. The Jackie-O is a house my friends own right down the street from my place and it is a general party/hang type of thing. Inside sure but not crucial. We just wanted a destination for them that was vague enough but also sounded plausible.

Again, thanks for the comments very much. I honestly didn't expect this much response. John, anytime you have a script you want to hand off I'll be more then happy to take it off your hands! Truly this was a great collaborative effort.

Zak said:
hey guys, i just wanted to point out that with a little selective quoting, you could have the totally rad...

"Peep this!" - Arrik

...as a review quote on your poster.
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Done and done.
 
William, this was a really great film. I laughed out loud a lot. Turrets will always be funny. Especially when a cute girl has the affliction. Good acting, cinematography, and pacing. A real tight edit.

Nice work. Looking forward to more from you.
 
This was a funny, interesting take on the theme. Loved it. Some unsteadiness in the shots (shaky dolly action) but I'm sure others have mentioned it.

My only concern is that I felt like there wasn't much there. Like the story wasn't very expansive or it was more a funny idea then a narrative.

However, part of my complaint/critique is that I thought everything that was there (editing, script, acting, cinematgraphy, etc.) was so good I wanted to watch more. So gimme some more, man.

Really, loved it. Good work.
 
On the basis of comedy, as I like the South Park episode of similar comedic content (concerning tourettes syndrome), I thought it was funny.

But, I have to admit, I have seen a special on tourettes syndrome, and it's totally not what happens. :/ I guess I've grown sympathy towards, since seeing the special. . .

But I like "twat muncher" line . . .
 
And then there was a zombie…you had some nice makeup, something I’ve yet to comment about in any other film. I thought the acting was decent. I liked the opening dolly shot. And I enjoyed the final dolly of the photograph. An excellent ending to a unique lovefest production. Personally, I wasn't too jazzed about Tourette's as the topic, but beyond that it was well crafted.
 
Technically your film was good. I really like your credit choice, the pink and blue fonts.

Story wise, it didn't grab me. It kind of felt like a weak Saturday Night Live skit. The premise was pretty far fetched, but I could have accepted that if there was some heart to the story. By that I mean, Simp is a film with a similar bizarre premise, and yet it succeeds at creating real character and real emotions. It's actually quite amazing that the filmmaker was able to do that in such a short period of time with such broad characters.

Pretty pictures is icing on the cake. Priority one for all of us filmmakers, is making the audience CARE. Emotional response from the audience is most important. Certainly my favorites made me feel first, which in turn made me think. A great example of that is Winter Lilacs. I can't get that one out of my head... and I don't really like it there because it's kind of a drag. LOL.

Look forward to your next film.
 
Thanks for the response. You all have very valid crits against this piece that I can completely get on board with.

The way Tourettes is handled and expressed by our character in a movie-fied way, I kno. Problem is Tourettes isn't very funny in the real world and hey, this was a comedy so I am hopping most of the viewing public can let that fact go. Still, I am glad you brought it up.

As to there not being a reason for the audience to "care" about any of these characters, well, you are right there as well. I don't know what John's intention was when writing the script, but I wanted a light-hearted look on love with a few laughs thrown in for good measure. I am still learning this directing thing, and freely admit I am not very good at it yet.

Thank you all for taking the time to leave a comment. It only helps me/us make better work next time.
 
Hey William, just watched your film.

Dude, you had me laughing out loud at some of the stuff here.

I will say, that as a story, there wasn't a lot here and the leap from first date to wedding was pretty damn big! But I know that this is a 6 minute short and you have to make some concessions.

However, I really would like to have seen a development into their relationship vs. the wedding. I think that there was a golden opportunity here that could have provided more of your comic recipe.

Story aside, I will say that there was some wonderful filmmaking done here. The edits were seamless and crisp. Dead-on for me. Framing and blocking were another highlight. I see some really great direction going on here.

The opening title was perfect. I loved the pink and blue choice.

The sound was pretty good... a few times the voices got a bit hollow and echo-y but not bad.

The music was appropriate though it didn't do a lot for me. I didn't hate it... I just wanted it to do more.

Overall, a very enjoyable short!

Congrats to you!

-Ted
 
William_Robinette said:
As to there not being a reason for the audience to "care" about any of these characters, well, you are right there as well. I don't know what John's intention was when writing the script, but I wanted a light-hearted look on love with a few laughs thrown in for good measure.
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Yeah, you kind of have to take this script for what it is, the way the characters do. It's meant to be light, farcical, and funny, and I hope that it is. Don't try to read into it too deeply. Tourettes most certainly isn't funny in real life, but (and no offense to anyone) you have to admit as far as maladies go, Tourettes does have a potential comedic element to it. I was a little worried that someone might get offended, but again it's just a comedy and I decided to risk it. Basically I was trying to juxtaposition some unlikely elements - a girl who had a hard time meeting guys with a guy that was totally impossible to date. I think it worked out pretty well; I'm really happy with the final film.

I agree that showing them on their date might have led to some really hilarious moments. I can see them out at a club and Buzz attempts to dance while drool pours out of this mouth, or all of them at a restaurant table trying to have a conversation but it all ends up totally awkward. But as has been mentioned already, there were only six minutes to work with, and I think they were used well.

:dankk2:

John
 
Personally, I'm glad you didn't "waste" time with the date. In the short amount of time you had to set up your story for the punch line it was important AFTER the setup that you brought the punch line home...which I think you did with a vengeance...:thumbsup:

As far as offending people, that's definitely a concern. I'm surprised you weren't concerned about offending zombies, though. :2vrolijk_08:
 
Thanks Blaine, I appreciate your comment.

Of course, there is the large zombie constituency to be concerned with, and hopefully undead of the world won't take it too seriously.

In seriousness, it actually was in the back of my mind that I would hear from someone who suffered from Tourettes or someone who had a family member or friend that suffered from it, saying how offended they were or how the affliction isn't really the way it is portrayed in the story. But again, that's the risk I took. I think it paid off. At least it did for me; damn I love this film. I've been running around work quoting it to people. "The Jackie-O? That sounds like soooo much fun!"
 
So, I'm not too sure what I thought of your film! The camera work and lighting were spot on. The acting as well. I suppose the story was just a bit too off kilter for me. Not that I don't enjoy a good zombie flick or politically incorrect sense of humor, but it was a veeery odd combination. Kinda seems like a horribly offensive parody of Robbie Comeau's "Blind Date." Or was that comment horribly offensive? Anyway, I was impressed how far you took the production (i.e. the wedding, the church, the extras, etc...). I might have mixed feelings about this one, but I am looking forward to your next project.
 
Nicely done! I really enjoyed the phone conversation especially when you jumped across the street for one shot. That really worked for me.

I actually kind of like how we didnt see the date and went straight for the wedding, it makes the whole thing even more absurd and the work done on the wedding scene was pretty sweet.

If i had one criticism to give it would be during the moment where she first sees the zombie. It would have been nice to see some close ups of her face and maybe even a reverse shot of the zombie not reaciting but with romantic music played over it. I think that could have really put a punch on how rediculus it was.

Overall i liked it.
 
William - well... you made me laugh, so it's a success.
:thumbsup:

First the techy stuff - nice shots, I really like the variation in the opening - going from the mids to the extreme wides, etc. Overall really well shot which is no surprise having seen your other work.

I really liked your slight camera moves - for example the slight track to the right as the girls run off the couch to go get ready. It kept it dynamic and lively without getting in the way. Same goes for your lighting - looks natural without being flat (which is always the tempation when doing comedy). I'm glad to see you didn't go for a really flat frame.

As far as the comedy - well handled.
You played it straight, which was the best way I think. This is the world they live in and so be it. My only gripe would be with the tourettes outburts, quite a few time in the start of the piece they seemed forced - not as though they were unintentional and involuntary. But that's a tough thing to play off.

My favorite thing about this whole piece is that the biggest laugh is in the last frame - that makes it a real winner to me. A comedy that is only 6 minutes long shouldn't give up the goods halfway through...and you did a great job with that. Her final outburst in the church was funny...but cutting to that photo was absolutely hilarious.

I showed the film to my wife and she burst out laughing at the photo as well.
Overall nice work.
I can't wait to see what you do next.

PS.
Oh - nice use of music throughout the piece - never felt like it was overpowering but it added a lot to the pace, mood, and humor.
 
Great film. Really enjoyed this one. Shots were really good and liked your CC. Favorite shots were when she meets him for the first time and it zooms in and of course the last shot of the wedding photo.

No real problems with this one at all. Looking forward to your next project. Good job.
 
Excellent work, this one had the most belly-laughs for me - especially the end church scene. First half was a little slow... not as tight as the 2nd half, but overall big thumbs up.

Tourette's or no, I'd marry her.
 
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