The Comet - by Mark Harris

Yeah, definitely Noel. This ending is kind of a hack. But this whole story is a truncated version of another story, and I was up in the air about the ending, so I wanted to float this ending in scriptfest and see how it washes.
 
Hey Mark,

I really dug this one. I'll echo what Alex said in the beginning. It starts off a little clunky and then finds a rhythm. I like your ending, especially the impending threat of violence.

Just an idea, I would've liked Godfrey to make a phone call in the end and actually get through to Eva. Maybe we hear her voice asking "hello" in the background as the claw comes into view and the growling picks up. He's trying and trying to get through, and finally he does but it doesn't matter because the world's about to end. Him getting through would feel more resolved because Jason wants to escape, and he just wants to make his damn phonecall.

I dug the relationship between the guys and actually liked the Star Trek lunchbox. Trek definitely evokes a sense of baggage, I think that's the point. Right? It is much more distinct and specific to have that detail in than to not to, I vote for keeping it.

Good work.
 
Hey Issac, it's funny what you said about the ending with Eva, because that IS another one of the endings. Except GODFREY gets in the car and heads back to the city, and as it becomes more and more apparent that the world is coming to an end, he gets more and more desperate to get to her. And when he finally does reach her in their home, it's too late, because there's nothing to do.

That version also starts off with a whole scene with him and Eva fighting at the top, which leads to him heading out into the desert with JASON for the night.

Thanks guys for reading!
 
good script although i didn't like the ending. i did like all the false endings but i thought it should have led up to something genuinely surprising. what if jason left another vial which he finds and drinks just before the monsters get to him? i don't know...i just think the ending was kind of a downer and didn't really feel climactic enough.
 
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