"The Choice" A Story By Pauly The Hitman...

Pauly, well done. Taking the story from one context to the other was brilliant, "two worlds collide" type of thing. I think some of the other people who commented gave you much better critiques than I can lend, so I will say that I enjoyed it, it was an easy read, and I thought the switch up to the ball field was great. Go back and refine it per others' comments and go shoot it! :beer:
 
Gotta say other than cleaning up some of the dialogue this was an enjoyable read. Liked how Barry saw the Good and Evil ones as the coaches. Nice style, keep up the good work.
 
Had a lot of fun reading it...you are a great story teller! I liked how you led me in one direction and then completely surprised me...the end had a human and that "feel good movie of the year" sad ending...great job!
 
(I don't read others reviews first), but I'm sure you already know about the technical aspects. Well and story too. Was really short, flew by quick. Not bad, I was a little confused......oh wait I just got it. Yes a simple story that I think we have all contemplated at some point in our lives. Yes good meaning, good meaning indeed. Good Job.
 
I guess I didn't get what was "real." Was it the Barry tormented by the choice between good and evil, and then seeing the Good and Evil Ones as coaches as a metaphor at the end? Or was it the one dying in the end zone, with the good v. evil debate the metaphor, a humorously-overdone rehashing of his decision to play this game with a potentially serious injury (or something like that)?

I liked the dialog with the Good and Evil Ones, although I think you should have worked a "Luke, I am your father" joke in there too. :D Loved the "Devil Went Down to Georgia" reference. :D
 
Thanks guys maybe I will just have to learn how to format my scripts correctly and keep on writing. I do however prefer to just come up with the ideas. But nothing says I can't do a little of both right.
:dankk2:
Pauly
 
immediately the first thing i notice is the format is off (never a good thing to notice initially) but nothing a quick rewrite can't fix.

barry sounds like a ***** when he whines to the devil "how is this fair?". it's at this point that i personally stopped rooting for your main character. cry-baby protagonists are annoying.

i love the inversion of the black suit/white tie and white suit/black tie. great visual gimmick.

i didn't understand the end probably because i didn't understand what the "choice" really was. maybe i'm just dense but i needed more clarification. the football reveal seems kind of anti-climactic and silly given the world ending, apocalyptic nature of the "choice".

there's definitely something worth digging for, here. good luck with it.
 
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