SHORT: Tell me what you really think

tired

tired

Well-known member
no .. that's the name of the film.

what I want to know is - should I submit it to festivals or not?

I've had 1 screening at a festival but I'm not sure if it's good enough to try out for more - do I blow some money submitting it to a range of festivals or move on to the next project.

Tell me what you really think
 
tired said:
anyone ??? or is it utter crap and no one wants to say :cheesy:
Click to expand...

For a 'fest' submission I think some amount of work is in order.

1) Clearances for material. If you shot Finish Brown Bears, added the dull voice over, or the other 'tv' material, then you are ok. However if those are 'clipped' from the Internet or elsewhere, then 'clearances' are required.

2) Aesthetics: The 'static' shots are ultimately boring. I realize that's part of the 'story'... so perhaps for a 'short', cutting the length down to a minute or so, would be good...

Technical issues:

1) Lighting. The use of ordinary lights, low(er) than sufficient ISO, leads to a poor quality image
2) Audio: For me, in order to 'hear' the voice over, I had to turn the volume up to the point where I could definitely hear 'hiss'. The sounds coming from the actors doing things, had an echo, indicating the mic was distant from the 'action'. In this case, I'd recommend thinking about 'Foley' for those sounds. The audio of the TV material varied. I would recommend getting all the audio material 'equal'. Since the 'thoughts' of the characters are in voice over, you have full control in regard to capturing that sound without any 'hiss'. By doing Foley for the additional sounds, again you can control the levels to avoid hiss. This allows you to get 'room tone', to cut in as required to get a more realistic effect.

At this point I'd continue to work on it, if you are interested in fest submissions.

Story Issues:

The 'story' is two distant people whose only interaction is via the TV control. I would suggest adding 'flash back' or 'fantasy flashes' of what each would 'rather have' in the relationship to break up, and contrast the static, shots.
 
Did you listen till the end yourself... If you didn't, do it for me.... :-p
The very very very last end... So also the credits sequence....
 
Now that's what I call a critique! - thanks J1Clark. All valid points and very informative. Unfortunately I don't have the original files anymore so it is what it is, which is why I was wondering if it was worth submitting.

I think it's hard to be objective when you get too close to a project and with 1 successful submission I was starting to think 'maybe it's not all that bad"

another thing to chalk up to experience and on with the next project.

....
Hi Dre83,

I acted in & edited the final version of the film so I'm pretty familiar with it's contents - but I'm not sure what you're talking about - can you tell me what it is that's wrong?
 
can't hear a thing - but then I'm a deaf old bastard. if it's around the time the logo completes (god that was a crap job) then it may be some sound from that.

I don't struggle with sound - it all sounds okay to me - which is EXACTLY why we need guys like you. I think that's the one of the most important things I've learned - 'know your limitations' - I can't improve sound because 1. I can't hear it and 2. I don't what what to do if I can.

My next short will definitely have a sound guy on set and some budget for sound editing.
 
Well at the very end, the music swifts to the right...

But I couldn't tell it before because I wanted to know if you heared it or not.

You recorded the sound from the tv which is good,so it sounds "like a TV"...and still in a way it's "cleaner" then you would expect in film. But that's because of technology that makes things better :-p

It's good the tv volume is high, so it gives a feeling that the guy isn't interested in what his wife is doing. I have a feeling that they don't have a happy thanksgiving evening with lots of fun...

The idea of the VO is not bad...But to much VO (in general) is not good because the viewer looses attention. The least dialogue and the more you "show" the better.

You used the good parts in the "About the bear docu". Like the bear that's eating too

It's a simple story but I think it's an interesting story. I think it makes people think...which in a way is good also.

Some technical isues, but that you'll learn.
 
I didn't really engage with that story, but I think there is potential because there is something in those misunderstood moments of silence that is so common to many. I think there is potential for something great if you go back to the writing drawing board.

I think this is suppose to be a comedy, but I didn't really find it funny maybe because there was no contrast between what they are thinking and the way they are acting. I guess I was looking for some hook that would really make me engage with what they are thinking... like hes behaving like a woman or there both thinking like children or... instead of people on the couch they are wearing animal costumes, or uniforms or clothing that somehow introduces IRONY to the story.

The sound has some problems with level and hiss and the lighting was a bit off. Directly behind the couch I see shadows on the wall from the shelf pointing up making it very obvious there is a light behind the couch on the floor pointing at the wall.

Congrats on finishing the project there is obviously a lot of hard work you put into it.
 
I thought there was alot of good stuff goin on here- opening dolly shot pulled me in, composition/framing was perfect for the story, including the master (them divided) and the profile shots (divided again, the other person in the foreground). They say comedy is good for static, dry shots like that. This is one of those cases where voice over is right for the story too, since its about what people are thinking that others cant hear. I like what you tried with the lighting, contrasting the colors and lighting the background plant. As mentioned by others I think the biggest distraction is the poor sound quality.
 
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