subscript

Jared Caldwell

Jared Caldwell

Active member
Hey all,

I just made a short film for campus movie fest (http://www.campusmoviefest.com), and I just wanted some constructive critique.

Now, before we begin, here are a few details. For the competition, you only have a week to shoot your film. We shot 90% of this for 4 hours in a small town bar 3 days before it was due (we had to use the weekend, because nobody else could get together at the same time). I spent 18 straight hours without food or sleep editing this, and I had to improvise some of the shots.

I know I am going to get some hate for this, but it is a youtube video (I will try to post a better one later).

The short could be no longer than 5 minutes.

The main thing I am dissapointed in is the gun sound effect. If anyone has an idea on where to get a better one that would be MUCH appreciated! :)

I am open to any and all criticism. There are some things tha look good, and some things that look bad. This is my first attempt, though, and I am proud of it, even if it isn't perfect! :D

I can already point out some things that are wrong (I am not stupid), but I may have missed a few things. You comments are so much appreciated! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PTURtUIbGI

This was shot on two Panasonic GS300's, a cheap shotgun mic (and still some f the audio is weak), and cheap tripods.
 
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I like the over all theme of the film. Couldn't see the quote cause it was you tube, but saw it in the description. Great quote to work with from a very intelligent and funny man.

Considering the cirsumstances, it was pretty good. Too bad you didn't have more time.

First of all, when the couple is talking at the beginign of the bar, you couldn't really hear them. You have to remember that you know what they're saying because you wrote it and shot it and heard it a million times, but the audience hasn't heard it before, and I just couldn't make out some of what they said.

I had some beef with the beer drinking. I mean it was clever editing for something edited on such a short time, but it felt too long. Could have come to the realisation that he was drinking so much and getting drunk much sooner. Maybe something more than just drinking if you wanted to add some "living" into this stage we know as life.

Anyways, great quote, okay story. I like how you made it funny, like with the pouring beer in the cereal, and the sadness with the ending.
 
Thanks so much, Jon. Word on the beer scene. Originally, this scene was supposed to be something different altogether, but I quickly realized that instead of being short on material, I had enough material for a 20 min short!

I didn't think about the beer scene being all that long, since it was originally going to be something else, but now that you mention it, it does take up almost half of the short!

The audio on the couple is very low. Even though it is annoying to the audience, I couldn't make it louder because we actually got some major static in the line there (we were close to a jukebox, and I think that created some interferece, even though no music was coming through). I didn't know if that part was going to go over well or not. I guess not, lol.

Thanks for taking the time to look at it!
 
Well if the talking isn't very important, maybe you can just take it out all together? I'd need to see it again, but if it's not important enough to re-record then might as well take it out. I thought you were doing ti on purpose at first, so that we didn't hear them cause it wasn't important, but seeing as we were focusing on them it seemed like it was important to hear what they said.
 
Their speech isn't that important, but it seems important because the camera focuses on them for too long. Maybe if I mix in other cuts of the bar, then it would work better.
 
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