SHORT: "staying clean"
- Thread starter BrianBrook
- Start date
richke
Well-known member
I watched about 5 minutes of this. It needs to get moving and go somewhere. The lady walks in...stare at headstone for 45 seconds. Then show the street for 30 seconds. Then the guy sits on the bench listening for 45 seconds...then he sits and listens to a song...
I get what you are doing but you need to pull the audience in quicker. The shots looked neat but the content just was too slow. If you shorten it PM me and I will check it out again.
Rich
I get what you are doing but you need to pull the audience in quicker. The shots looked neat but the content just was too slow. If you shorten it PM me and I will check it out again.
Rich
Yeah i watched first few minutes and this needs to be edited down to way under 10 minutes, maybe even under 7 (didnt see the last part so not sure if it gets moving). YOu had several shots that should have been 7-12 second shots that seemed to go on for near a minute or more. The guy sitting on the bus was very long, and nothing seemed to be happening.
The look was nice, but at about 5 minutes in, i had really no clue what the story was about and had to tune out. I think with some good editing you could get to your story way sooner and keep people on board.
Make a nother few passes at this, and really trim some away.
jon
The look was nice, but at about 5 minutes in, i had really no clue what the story was about and had to tune out. I think with some good editing you could get to your story way sooner and keep people on board.
Make a nother few passes at this, and really trim some away.
jon