philip bloom
Veteran
Last edited:
Sony EX7
- Thread starter philip bloom
- Start date
Joseph Stunzi
Veteran
xort... think about the date for a second.
MitchLewis
Well-known member
I just pre-ordered 2 of them. Awesome new rig! Thanks Phil!
New "Mind-To-Mac" Technology Eases the Burden of Developing Musical Skill
(Scotts Valley, CA, April 1, 2009) -- Antares Audio Technologies has today announced their intent to start thinking about the possible development of their revolutionary new Direct Mind Access (DMAâ"¢) musical composition technology. Designed to free would-be composers, songwriters, musicians, and drummers from the tedious study and practice that have traditionally been required for the development of musical skill, DMA technology will allow anyone (see NOTE below) to transfer the music (or voices) they hear in their head directly to any DMA-compliant DAW.
Think And Make It So
Based on groundbreaking neurocognitive research that Antares' Dr. Andy is planning to start "any day now," Direct Mind Access will free users from complicated, annoying user interfaces by allowing them to simply think about the music they'd like to create and have it instantly and seamlessly appear in their DAW. Using DMA's Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor, not only will DMA eliminate the need for talent, but the need for musicians and vocalists as well. For the first time in the history of audio technology marketing, the claim that "The only limit is your imagination!" will actually be true.
NOTE: DMA will require the cranial implantation of the Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor (CRAP) along with a micro-Bluetooth communication unit. It is expected that implantation will be available as an outpatient procedure at most metropolitan neurosurgical facilities. Users should be in relatively good health and of at least average intelligence. It should be noted that when paired to a DMA-compliant DAW, Direct Mind Access will manifest any of the user's thoughts, whether music-oriented or not. Consequently, the ability to concentrate solely on the desired music is critically important. (DMA and porn do not mix!)
Antares' Dr. Andy gives a video demonstration of an early DMA prototype. (Artist's conception.)
Innovative Copy Protection
To ease the frustration of burdensome copy-protection schemes, DMA will utilize the convenient iLobeâ"¢ USB Really, Really Smart Key. Requiring only the implantation of a simple cranial USB port (which can be installed at the same time as the CRAP and Bluetooth transmitter), the iLobe allows you to take your DMA technology wherever you go. And for users with multiple personalities, the iLobe ensures that your DMA capability is available to all your personalities, regardless of which one is currently in control.
The Obligatory Marketing Spin
"Auto-Tune has often been accused of eliminating the need for vocal talent (along with being a harbinger of The Apocalypse)," said Marco Alpert, Antares VP of Marketing. "But in reality, that's simply not the case. A crappy singer with Auto-Tune is still a crappy singer, just in tune. It doesn't directly address the soul-crushing discrimination that is suffered daily by millions of talentless would-be musicians around the world. But DMA will change all that. No longer will you have to put up with the elitist attitude that it takes years of boring practice and study to get access to high-quality drugs, hot groupies, and expensive hotel rooms to trash. Whether your inspiration is the 1910 Fruitgum Company or the virtual post-metal of DeathmÃzle, DMA will ensure that even a total and utter lack of talent will never hold you back. And isn't that what America is all about?"
Direct Mind Access will probably be available someday. (Unless it won't.)
Upgrade Information
Upon the release of the first product incorporating DMA, free upgrades will be available to all registered owners of Antares' kantos 1.0, Spectral Shaping Tool (SST), and Infinity Looping Tools.
Special reduced upgrade prices will be available to owners of all other Antares products, as well as registered owners of an alphaSyntauri, Ghouls 'n Ghosts (Sega Genesis version only), or a Studebaker Avanti.
Thanks!
- The Whole Antares Crew
(Scotts Valley, CA, April 1, 2009) -- Antares Audio Technologies has today announced their intent to start thinking about the possible development of their revolutionary new Direct Mind Access (DMAâ"¢) musical composition technology. Designed to free would-be composers, songwriters, musicians, and drummers from the tedious study and practice that have traditionally been required for the development of musical skill, DMA technology will allow anyone (see NOTE below) to transfer the music (or voices) they hear in their head directly to any DMA-compliant DAW.
Think And Make It So
Based on groundbreaking neurocognitive research that Antares' Dr. Andy is planning to start "any day now," Direct Mind Access will free users from complicated, annoying user interfaces by allowing them to simply think about the music they'd like to create and have it instantly and seamlessly appear in their DAW. Using DMA's Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor, not only will DMA eliminate the need for talent, but the need for musicians and vocalists as well. For the first time in the history of audio technology marketing, the claim that "The only limit is your imagination!" will actually be true.
NOTE: DMA will require the cranial implantation of the Cognitive Realtime Audio Processor (CRAP) along with a micro-Bluetooth communication unit. It is expected that implantation will be available as an outpatient procedure at most metropolitan neurosurgical facilities. Users should be in relatively good health and of at least average intelligence. It should be noted that when paired to a DMA-compliant DAW, Direct Mind Access will manifest any of the user's thoughts, whether music-oriented or not. Consequently, the ability to concentrate solely on the desired music is critically important. (DMA and porn do not mix!)
Antares' Dr. Andy gives a video demonstration of an early DMA prototype. (Artist's conception.)
Innovative Copy Protection
To ease the frustration of burdensome copy-protection schemes, DMA will utilize the convenient iLobeâ"¢ USB Really, Really Smart Key. Requiring only the implantation of a simple cranial USB port (which can be installed at the same time as the CRAP and Bluetooth transmitter), the iLobe allows you to take your DMA technology wherever you go. And for users with multiple personalities, the iLobe ensures that your DMA capability is available to all your personalities, regardless of which one is currently in control.
The Obligatory Marketing Spin
"Auto-Tune has often been accused of eliminating the need for vocal talent (along with being a harbinger of The Apocalypse)," said Marco Alpert, Antares VP of Marketing. "But in reality, that's simply not the case. A crappy singer with Auto-Tune is still a crappy singer, just in tune. It doesn't directly address the soul-crushing discrimination that is suffered daily by millions of talentless would-be musicians around the world. But DMA will change all that. No longer will you have to put up with the elitist attitude that it takes years of boring practice and study to get access to high-quality drugs, hot groupies, and expensive hotel rooms to trash. Whether your inspiration is the 1910 Fruitgum Company or the virtual post-metal of DeathmÃzle, DMA will ensure that even a total and utter lack of talent will never hold you back. And isn't that what America is all about?"
Direct Mind Access will probably be available someday. (Unless it won't.)
Upgrade Information
Upon the release of the first product incorporating DMA, free upgrades will be available to all registered owners of Antares' kantos 1.0, Spectral Shaping Tool (SST), and Infinity Looping Tools.
Special reduced upgrade prices will be available to owners of all other Antares products, as well as registered owners of an alphaSyntauri, Ghouls 'n Ghosts (Sega Genesis version only), or a Studebaker Avanti.
Thanks!
- The Whole Antares Crew
MitchLewis
Well-known member
It would have been fun if we all could have "kept a straight face" and added to Phils post. See how many people we could sucker in. FISH ON! hehehehe
James Dierx
Active member
no MxM?? This looked great until that...
This is xort's wife. This page was open on my husbands computer when I came back from the hospital this evening.
I got fired today from my job. That is good news because I came home very early to find my husband in the bathtub where he slit his wrist. He did a rather poor job of it and passed out from the trauma of the attempt. I called 911 and they came and took him to the hopsital. He should get out tomorrow. He will be required to go to a psychiatrist for evaluation. Evidently he was quite shook up about buying all his new cameras and finding out they are going to be obsolete. I told him we could try to return them. I will be looking into that tomorrow.
I have to go back to the hospital now to be with him. He's sedated but I can tell he's still shook up.
I got fired today from my job. That is good news because I came home very early to find my husband in the bathtub where he slit his wrist. He did a rather poor job of it and passed out from the trauma of the attempt. I called 911 and they came and took him to the hopsital. He should get out tomorrow. He will be required to go to a psychiatrist for evaluation. Evidently he was quite shook up about buying all his new cameras and finding out they are going to be obsolete. I told him we could try to return them. I will be looking into that tomorrow.
I have to go back to the hospital now to be with him. He's sedated but I can tell he's still shook up.
Michael B. McGee
Well-known member
i wonder if anyone HAS died from an April Fool's prank??? or do i?
Buck Forester
Well-known member
Hey xort's wife, how much do you want for xort's EX1?
Nik Manning
Well-known member
Ok are we sure this was a joke?
Hunter Hampton
Carbonite Member
Sony...
MitchLewis
Well-known member
What happened to the EX5? They just skipped right to EX7?
Mrs Xort:
I realize what you must be going through at this time and what must be your biggest concerns.
So I just wanted to pass along a suggestion that if you visit Martha Stewart's website, there are probably some wonderful and helpful tips on how to clean up blood stains off of bathroom tile and grout.
I realize what you must be going through at this time and what must be your biggest concerns.
So I just wanted to pass along a suggestion that if you visit Martha Stewart's website, there are probably some wonderful and helpful tips on how to clean up blood stains off of bathroom tile and grout.
danny dale
Well-known member
I heard the "ShamWow" works pretty good...
This is not funny. I'm back home now with plenty more to be concerned about. Since my wife lost her job yesterday, we'll be facing cobra payments on top of the lost income. The deductables on our policy are very high so that's another hit to the bank account. This is definately the most stressful time I have ever faced. Please save your jokes for someone else.