SONNET - a film by Justin Suico

S

speakeasy

Member
Well, here we go! heres my first entry into the DVXuser film fest!

http://www.dvxuser.com/dramafest/loa...ico-Sonnet.mov

let me know what you all think!

SONNETad.jpg


Music by,

Edgen (www.edgen.com), Prany(www.machinesthatthink.com), popovich, poindexter, tarantula studios.

And heres some screen caps!

openingscreencapcopy.jpg


sonnetscreengrabcloseup.jpg
 
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You're entry looks trippy with those colors and that closeup, I'm looking forward to it. What camera and audio setup did you make your short with?
 
wowa! Such bold colors and ya.. the closeup is crazy! Looking forward to seeing your film and welcome to the madness :)

cheers!
/j
 
hey thanks, the camera I used was the dvx100b no special audio eqipment either.
and to edgen, thanks for letting me use your songs! :)
 
WEll now i just want crawl up in a ball and cry. Thakn you...... jerk..... ;)

That was pretty good. it has a certain charm to it.
 
TimurCivan said:
WEll now i just want crawl up in a ball and cry. Thakn you...... jerk..... ;)

That was pretty good. it has a certain charm to it.
Click to expand...

Made you want to cry eh? well mission accomplished! *dust off hands*
 
SONNET - a review

ADR was poorly done at the beginning, I could hear the staticky noise between dialogue. The subtitles have spelling errors. Interesting fridge shot, well done. The music gets annoying quickly, the piano repeating the same theme. Too much camera shake at the convenience store. Acting between cop and clerk isn't good, their lines are delivered with no conviction, flat emotion, like reading off a script. And the music choice for the store assault is completely wrong! Jazzy themes for a violent moment? Ridiculous. Finally, the ending doesn't make sense. Such a caring father (as portrayed in the early scenes) would never kill for a can of soup. It doesn't make sense.

Poor acting. Good camera work. Bad music choice, pretty incongruent with the scenes being portrayed.
 
wasn't too keen on the acting, story was certainly sad.
My thoughts at the end were rather callous i think insofar as I thought, well at least the boy will now be able to eat.
Maybe it's just the mood it put me in :eek:S either that or I really am a callous b'tard. ;)
 
A poignant look into the American ideal of sheltering the huddled masses.

This film had so much potential. Great choice of subject matter, mate.

While I applaud your choice of theme, the voice over narration may not have been the best way to illumine it. The story needed to show more of the conflict of the protagonist and tell it less, IMHO. Insofar as you do decide to use voice over then it should serve to juxtapose what’s being shown, and/or using it to amplify the images. With more shots crafted creatively you could have shown the story and not told it. An example of this (not budget wise but treading similar terrain) is in The House of Sand and Fog, when they show Behrani at his daughter’s lavish wedding and then juxtaposed it with his working on a construction crew. Sure they could have told of his immigration experience, but instead they showed us, and threw in an insight into his character at the same time. I know as indies we’re working with limited resources, but even with one location and inserts you could have shown us the journey and conflict this father faced. My reaction as an audience member was it’s too purely expository instead of cinematic. In other words, would the story work without the voice over ? I think with a few pickups you wouldn’t even need a voice over. ;)

Cinematography. The multiple colors, low light bedroom didn’t really say too much except to create a little mood. Here’s where a good DP can really help you create depth detail and serve the story. I would consider using practicals to throw much needed splashes of light…

Score. The tinkle piano score was lovely in the beginning, but then derailed for a mismatched resolution (the convenience store), IMHO. It was an odd choice of upbeat electronica instead of the more dramatic electronica. Please consider rescoring from the convenience store on. You’re choice of electronica as a style is a good one and would mix well to the thematic finale music with the Fathers escape.

Editing was well paced, and you use of split screen, multiple fast cuts was nicely accomplished.

Directing was a pleasant surprise. In the 1st act I really didn’t see you using a lot of frame and composition to predicate the plot/story but as the film went on you showed more flare and skill.

Story. Here’s where you are in the top ten of all the entrants I’ve seen. Many have made the mistake of trying to fit a larger piece into the timeline, but your story – well told and poignant could have been a real corker. All it needed was a rewrite (more showing and less telling.

This was entertaining to watch, but it was sort of like seeing a rough piece of music sold as a finished score. You’ve got a great theme, premise, and a directors flare. All that is a great foundation, which could have been buttressed by a rewrite, cinematography and rescored resolution.

Just me 3 pence.
Please keep making these. :beer:

PS - cute kid = immediate identification. I felt for the guy.
 
Hey thanks for the comments! regarding gabrielflorit's comment on the father endings.. actually its very possible for a caring father to do what he did for his son. It may not be very common here in the states but Its been well known to happen in the philippines and all over the world especially of poorest of countries. even the most gentlest of man could turn into the most savage creatures when pushed to a brink..

This is my first short I've done and pretty much was my own crew. about D_and_G's comment I definitely agree about the cinematography.. let me show you what I had to work with :)

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now imagin me holding the light in my left hand and the camera in the other..
I would have loved to have a crew but it was so difficult getting people to commit and ultimately the film suffered.. but I'm still happy with what turned out!:)
on to the acting.. yea.. lol I know it wasn't the best but I had ALOT of people cancel on me on such short notice, that in the end I ended up using people at arms length. I still want to thank them for being there, and thanks dad! lol

I had pretty much everything covered except the music and that seems to be the main complaint.. I was very limited and I couldn't exactly get what i wanted from it.. but I still feel it turned out better then what I expected :D

P.s Don't worry D_and_G I'm already working on my next film! I love making movies man! heres me painting the wall for the room scene..

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http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/member.php?u=11022
 
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