"Solitary"

D

dberton

Member
Written and Directed by Dave Berton

Special Effects by Alfonso Smullen

Cast

Man - Riley Berton

Voice of Computer - Stephanie Ashton

Voice of Company Rep - Dave Berton
 
This one is a puzzle to me, in a good way.

Technically, it isn't what it could be. There was one angle (pretty much) inside the space ship, of a guy up against the wall. The composition , lighting, set dressing, music, needed work. Also, your actor was I'm guessing, non-SAG :)

Now for the good news - I really liked the structure and premise of your short. It shows that STORY is paramount. Now as a short film, done (technically) perfectly, this would be a success. But, as an opening to a movie, this would rock!

I liked the dilemma you put your protagonist in, and all the possibilities that you left for a feature. It had a "Western in Space" vibe to it. May I suggest Kimko for the lead ?

Maybe something like this :

"A hardened cargo pilot has to use his mysterious cargo to survive, after crash landing on a desolate dangerous planet. By using the cargo he ensures his imprisonment for life if he ever escapes. Without it, his time is running out."

Something like that. All leading to a greater conflagration.

What I like is the progression of goals that your story has. You set up a series of decisions that lead to an unknown outcome. All that other tech stuff can be remedied, but a solid story cannot. So give yourself a hand.

Maybe I'm trippin', but I think you have a diamond in the rough there. Of course, it would all depend on the originality of what was in that cargo container :)

Anyway, despite some of the tech flaws, you accomplished two things for me :

1. You sparked the "what if, or I wonder what's in... " ?

2. I identified with your protagonaist, and his dilemma.

That's pretty damn good, if you ask me, so work on the tech stuff, and you'll be aces.


Cheers.
 
Like stated above, this has SOLID potential for something bigger. In fact, I remember previously stating, after reading your log line when we posted them all, that I REALLY wanted to see your film ... sounded very interesting.

The lead actor (relative I'm assuming by the last name, so I hope I don't offend) really didn't deliver the goods for me, but he did nail some parts, specifically around the moment he heard "Six years". From then on, I felt it was nailed ... otherwise, nope.

The voice of the company rep, was excellent ... sounded like someone from OnStar. :)

I agree the set could have been more, and especially should have had a seat or something to brace in vs. the guy putting his head smack up against a glass monitor during an emergency crash landing.

I loved the ending shot as he's about to crest the hill, and we see a shot of the cargo container entering the atmosphere MILES AND MILES away from his current location.

This could easily become a feature.
 
I agree with msot of what's been said above, but I would like to compliment you on the overall sound. The levels hear were a lot easier on my ears than many of the other entries, even ones that were very technically sound in other areas. It probably helped that your set up was fairly simple, but that room did not look very boom-friendly, but I never had a problem making out the dialogue. I started out a little hesitent, the voice over work wasn't fantastic and the single set wasn't entirely convincing, but by the end I wanted to see more of this story.
 
Agree with Envision that this has great potential. If you could muster up a little money to improve all around production value and maybe add a tad more meat to the story, you should have a fine film.

Just don't use anyone but yourself as the Company Rep. Your voice is perfect. Like a Naval officer talking to a jet pilot or something. Very authentic.
 
Hey - Agree with many of the comments above. In composition, angles, shots, etc. - it was a little dull. Was it intentional that you used so many static shots, or just what you ended up with? I liked the composited planet. Good work.
 
Okay, on first viewing with the compression all messed up, I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not... after reading it wasn't I downloaded the good version.

Everything was just a bit subdued... too calm... to anticlimatic for me. I found it a little tedious to watch (sorry). The cinematography was okay, framing was fine, lighting was bright enough, but it was all just kinda boring.

All the equipment didn't sell me the setting as believable either. Dunno what it all was, but it looked like a lot of old computer and audio equipment to me... not like the inside of a spaceship.

I also didn't "get" the end at all about the whole going to jail thing.

Though I didn't really enjoy your film I commend you for the effort and thank you for sharing it! I hope any criticism you get, including mine (as harsh as it may sound) is helpful to you...
 
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The best thing about your movie is the story concept. This had a lot of potential and could be a good movie with some added production value (read costumes and props). I liked the outside shots with the ice and snow (desolation). Put him in some sort of space suit and find a way to get him outside more. This could be kind of a "Castaway" on a alien planet. It would be interesting to see how he survives, but that's a different movie (and longer one).
 
Solitary was pretty fun to watch. It was funny, had some bad acting, some good shots, some not so good shots, and some fitting music. It was an interesting idea, but wasn't very strong or clear. I'm just glad it was fun to watch!
 
I enjoyed Solitary. Some nice work.

The ship's set didn't bother me. It didn't look futuristic state of the art, but I mean come on... low budget indie sci-fi contest. I am willing to go along with almost anything if it's presented well. And this was.

My biggest complaint was that I really didn't understand the reference at the end...the box...jail? It really didn't fit in with the piece for me. I might have missed something.

I enjoyed the composting you did for the planet. Looked convincing and nice.

Your lead had a small range of emotion. I think for right now as it is here, there lies the weak link. I was never sold on his desperation, nervousness, or even hopelessness and I should have been. There were a few dude that sucks for you moments, but I didn't FEEL for the character like I should have.

Really solid work though. Yours is easily one of my favorites. Nice work!

-Robert
 
Thank you all for your very insightful comments.

This was my first attempt at a dramatic film, in any genre, and there have been many lessons learned.
 
The inside of the ship ,just didn't look like one BUT I can over look that .
I do like the story idea though .
At approx 2:30 ..We''ll be there in 6 yrs ...My cargo is in orbit ...Screwed or what!!

The outside shots says it all ...

This is my 2nd attempt at a short , but in yours YOU can understand the story .
Nice work for your first short here .
Ian
 
[FONT=&quot]At last, an excuse for a jerky picture.

I loved the clear picture of the desert’. Another one I got a bit confused about at the end where he said he was going to be “thrown into jail for this”. What did he mean?[/FONT]
 
I really like your story, but was not the biggest fan of your technical presentation. Overall, the technical stuff was not too bad...but it was a bit on the rough side in a few spots. The story though, was a really good one, and it made me forgive most of the other shortfalls. With some cleaning and polishing, this will be a great film. For now, you will just have to settle for a pretty good one.
 
I thought this was pretty good with the limitations of that small space. I believed the story as it was happening mostly because of the acting and sound I guess. The brace for impact part was a little weak but for what it is, its pretty good.
 
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