Shut the hell up, or get the hell out...

[vcassel]

This....exactly. I don't really care at all if someone is texting. Someone talking constantly/loudly on either a phone or otherwise would be much more of a bother.

I'd pay a premium to go to a theater that doesn't let late arrivals in once the trailers start.

 

[Eric Boellner]

I once stabbed a man in the chest with a broadsword for talking on his cellphone during LOTR: ROTK. True story. Blood was everywhere. It was pretty awesome.

LMAO

I'm sure it was.

Back in 1992 I got into a fist fight with the guy behind me in a cinema cos he was SMOKING!

I get similar feelings when i try to watch a movie and my attention is pulled off o the right or the left by some text tapping twit in a cinema.
Nothing a box of popcorn converted to a dangerous projectile cannot solve!
Retribution is awesome!

I want to go to movies with you guys. rogar-Shock(DBG):

 

[Jawa Ex Machina]

I turn my phone off on the walk from the car to the theater, but other people texting during a film has never bothered me that much. What does annoy me are stragglers late for the film who invariably obstruct my view of the screen as they try and squeeze into seats. It takes me out of the film every time.

Here's a true story:

A little more than a year ago, while still in pre-production of MARIANNE, I'm working day and night 7 days a week, right?
So one night, I decide to take a few hours off. I go to the movies because THE IMAGINARUM OF DR PARNASSUS is showing. Terry Gilliam, right? ****in-A.

Now this is a small isolated town, and the largest theater in a 115 mile radius is 200 seats so PARNASSUS is showing in a very small screen. Maybe between 50 and 100 seats.

I'm all alone. Got the whole place to myself. I take a seat in the center to get the best audio experience. Absolute bliss.

30 minutes later, I hear a sound from the back of the theater. People talking.
I turn around, and there's a woman standing there by the entrance. I turn back, figure they'll take a seat and shut up.

She eventually takes a seat, on my row, two seats away from me. I'm thinking of moving, but I don't want to be rude and anyway I was there first and I like the center seat.

I glance over, and in the dark I can sort of make out that she looks like she's got Down Syndrome.


This is where she starts talking to herself. Like, loudly. She's not really saying anything, it's more like she's responding emotionally to what people are saying on screen. When someone says something, she responds to herself in the same tone of voice.

I don't say anything, because what can I say? She's obviously got a problem and she knows about it, right? I bet she gets complaints all the time and it's not her fault. She's not doing this to be annoying.
Also, how long can it go on, right?

Well, then the laughing starts.
And I don't mean just laughing when something is funny, I mean sporadic, random laughter that doesn't have anything to do with what's happening on screen except that when someone says something (anything) she (sometimes) laughs.

Then she chokes on a popcorn and starts having these extreme coughing fits. Yeah. I **** you not.
So at this point, I'm sitting next to a woman with down syndrome who's talking to herself, laughs randomly and sporadically at anything and coughs like crazy. Could it get worse? Not bloody likely. Did it? You ****ing bet it did.

This is where the arm ticks set in. She starts waving her left arm like she's picking ****ing apples right in the corner of my eye.
And I'm just ****ing sitting there because what do you tell a woman with Down Syndrome and Tourette's??

No seriously, what do you say in a situation like that? I can't ask her to stop. If I tell her to not have ticks it's not going to do anything except make her feel bad. I don't want to move to another seat either and be one of those people who alienates people just because they have a problem like that.
I'm epileptic and I hate it when people do that.

If I tell the manager (who's the only one working that night, at this really small and only real movie theater in town), what can he do? Throw her out on her ass for having ticks? Tell her she's not welcome until she gets better? My film and only night off in two weeks was already pretty much ruined anyway.

So I ****ing sit there, watching a great movie be destroyed.
Then I went and saw it again another night.



When **** like this happens, it takes ME out of the film every time.

 

[Wilbur Eddings]

Bwahahahaaaa Jawa.

I don't know if I laughed more at the whole 'poo pooing' thing or your unfortunate dilemma!

No idea what i would have done in your situation, can't be nasty to someone who has little to no control over their reactions and you would probably would have looked like captain insensitive if you had asked for a refund.

lose/lose situation.

What is this whole 'poo pooing' thing I see all over dvxuser? Some kind of anti swearing device or a new cool trend? Either way, very very funny!

 

[ugafan]

Well, then the laughing starts.
And I don't mean just laughing when something is funny, I mean sporadic, random laughter that doesn't have anything to do with what's happening on screen except that when someone says something (anything) she (sometimes) laughs.

Then she chokes on a popcorn and starts having these extreme coughing fits. Yeah. I s**t you not.

this sounds exactly like what watching a movie with me is like.

 

[MattinSTL]

Thanks for the laughs this morning Jawa... that was really funny! I love those "you gotta' be F'ing kidding me!" moments.

You should move to the USA... here it's not only legal to assault such patrons, it's encouraged. You could have enjoyed the movie and won a free popcorn.

*stumbles to the concession counter all sweaty*... *cough*... "hi, hey I just had to beat up this chick that wouldn't stop talking..." *cough-weeze* "... during 'Rings..." *cough* "can I get my free popcorn bucket?"

Yeah... that's right... I'm suggesting a PSA at the beginning of each movie that announces a free popcorn bounty on the heads of the movie ruiners

 

[Hawk Teflon]

Jawa, that's hilarious! You really need to make that into a short because I think more people can relate to that feeling of "Are you kidding me?" vs. "Well I can't in my right mind say anything."

Matt, that's actually a pretty awesome suggestion!

 

[Jawa Ex Machina]

Speaking of that woman, I told that story to someone I knew briefly at the time, and she didn't really believe me.
Then I run into her six months later at the supermarket and she tells me she had the same experience.

That's what life is like in a town with 50 000 people.

 

[vcassel]

Wow, Jawa, that's quite a conflicted experience.

Unfortunately for your situation, the theater may have been too far to bother or I would have asked for a ticket voucher from the management. A decade ago, after my first short stint out here in L.A., I managed an independent art house and foreign film theater in South Florida. I know full well given that experience all the grievances that can take place in a movie theater in a single night. After a handful of situations that devolved into being yelled at or attacked by patrons, I learned to become quite adept at sensitivity in customer service there. I bet the manager of that theater could have given you a rain check without bothering that poor woman.

 

[groveChuck]

Wow, just read the thread- start 2 finish (while constantly txting, of course)

Conclusion: we should start a DVXuser Cinema (DVX Drafthouse? Is "DVX" trademarked?) chain in select cities, with rules we set and everybody follows.

Also- Jawa makes a poo pooing film of his poo pooing experience. Two poo pooing characters, (OK, him and a reeeeal "character").
Voiceover of his thoughts, poo pooing conflicted as they are.

Then it plays the DVXuser Cinemas!

vcassel- you weren't at the Cinematheque, were you?

 

[vcassel]

vcassel- you weren't at the Cinematheque, were you?

Nah, Sunrise Cinemas. It's a mom and pop chain of reopened older theaters throughout South Florida. I think the only one we had in Miami was in North Miami off of 163rd Street. I managed the one in Sunrise, Broward.

I checked out the Cinematheque once during Art Basel--it's pretty awesome.

Edit: Wow, I just did a quick search online; looks like Sunrise Cinemas has since been bought out by 'Frank Theatres' who operates throughout the East coast. Looks like they're playing more Hollywood fare where I used to work.

 

[groveChuck]

Yeah, I know Sunrise. You were at Gateway?

I heard about the buyout, but not that they'd gone commercial... shame.

Cinematheque has moved (if you went to it on Espanola, the coolest street in SoFla) to the old historic city hall bldg on Washington.
http://www.mbcinema.com/

The Gables (which used to have a Cinematheque) now has Coral Gables Art Cinema (next to Books and Books).
http://www.gablescinema.com/contactus.html

Four art houses have opened in the last 2 years, a very pleasant surprise!

 

[vcassel]

Yeah, I know Sunrise. You were at Gateway?

I lived closer to the Gateway one (in Victoria Park), but I worked farther west at the original Sunrise Theater in Sunrise. It used to be a Fox Theater and had 30 year old projectors that only one guy in the nation could fix, apparently.

I heard about the buyout, but not that they'd gone commercial... shame.

I really liked working there. The owner was regarded as a bit of a prick by the staff, but I always thought he was cool for going to NYU and AFI in the 70's.

Cinematheque has moved (if you went to it on Espanola, the coolest street in SoFla) to the old historic city hall bldg on Washington.
http://www.mbcinema.com/

The Gables (which used to have a Cinematheque) now has Coral Gables Art Cinema (next to Books and Books).
http://www.gablescinema.com/contactus.html

Four art houses have opened in the last 2 years, a very pleasant surprise!

Yeah, in Broward and Palm Beach, too! There was Cinema Paradiso in downtown Ft. Lauderdale built in an old church, and the Stonzek black box theater in Lake Worth next to where I used to live before moving out here. Palm Beach in particular is becoming a bit of a filmmaking hub.

 

[groveChuck]

Ah, the original Sunrise. Sounds like you had fun working there. I love Paradiso- a good venue during the Lauderdale Film Festival.

Hadn't heard about Palm Beach, cool news!

We now return your thread to the previously scheduled topic- texting...texting... 1, 2, 3...