Short Film

kyle.presley

kyle.presley

Well-known member
Well, I haven't posted much of my work here, but here is something I want y'all to see. Yes, it is my OTL submission. I don't think I'll make it to the second round, but I would like critique and input so that the next film will be better. We shot on the DVX100A in two days. OTL screwed up the aspect ratio. Let me know your thoughts!

http://films.thelot.com/films/19628
 
I'll start the ball rolling Mr. P.

Point one, i watched it until the end so you did something right.

Point two, i liked the lighting very much in the interior restaurant scene it looked great.

Point three, might have been my speakers but the dialogue for me was a little too low and words disappeared into the background music.

Point four, comedy is hard to do full stop, in 5 minutes its even harder so i would have liked to have seen the comedy exaggerated somewhat, for example...

When the bum announces that he can't pay for his meal it would have been funny to see the chef punch him in the stomach outside causing him to vomit up what he has eaten, leaving the bum with NO free feed OR jail time.

Good luck with OTL, you have made a very decent short IMO. Cheers
 
Thanks! The audio is iffy, depending on your sound system. On headphones, it sounds aweful, but on a surround sound system, it sounds good. I think OTL may have compressed the audio too much or something. The punch/vomit idea is great! Wish I woulda though of it beforehand!
 
Anyone else out there? Over a hundred views and one reply? I highly value the opinions of my fellow DVXusers!
 
well dude, i noticed you used all Garage Band Loops...dude, don't be using that...people who use Garage Band can pick those loops out in a snap. Another thing, many of that seemed like you dubbed over the audio. it makes it seem really wack. like the cop and the guy who kicked him out from the restaurant. woh!

i do have a question...how did you get to record in a restaurant? i always wanted to do this? how did you get permission?
 
very good job
I think the look of the film was really good and the story was getting off to a really good start.
but somewhere aroung the middle towards the end it starts to dissapoint. Because you did such a good build up of the story I was sure something big was gonna happen. He tries to get in jail several ways which are all light weight crimes I should say. and then I expected him to go up a notch but all he does is go to a restaurant and doesn't pay for the food, dissapointing.
And the ending was very dissapointing as well cause it left everything open and there was no closure to the story, I felt I wanted to know more and you just wanted to slap on an ending.
but the beggining up until the restaurant was awsome.
 
Thanks. It was originally written by O. Henry, I'm sure you've heard of him. I didn't write the story, he did. Remember, Slinky only wanted to spend 90 days in jail, so no heavy crimes. I think it's a good story all the way through because of the irony at the end. In five minutes, the character makes a dynamic change. I love O. Henry. Thanks for watching the film.
 
As far as filming goes, it was alright, but as far as the plot goes, I didn't really like it too much. I noticed it's under "drama", which was a little confusing since it seemed like somewhat of a comedy to me. I like the idea of the film, but I thought it didn't tap into the idea's potential enough. Like one other user said, the humor definitely could have been exaggerated more.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top