Short film- Would like critique

ive seen this before from some post here a while back. i think i critiqued it before too.. and will probably say the same things now as i did then. first things first .. actors.. waaay too young. make a film that suits the age group you have to work with. if everyone is the same age then make a film with people all the same age playing people that are actually close to the age of the actors. i thought the acting was stiff and really "school play" like. it didnt seem natural anyway.. alot of that perception probably comes from the age thing though. the story was better contrived than most round here, but stil cliche in its own ways. anyway its all in all a good effort, and id like to see more in the future.. something more in line with the abilities and rescources you have now to really make something great .. instead of stretching everything you have no to make something simply happily watchable. great job though. :)
 
I agree with Loser, it was almost laughable seeing people who are obviously college kids try to play the roles involved in the genre you chose... and that leads to my next problem, very formulaic. And the acting is very, very lacking.

At first I thought Kevin, the attorney guy, when he all the sudden decided to spill the beans, I thought that was a bit sudden and his character should have been more developed, then the twist ending, and that was no longer an issue... so that worked...

All said it was fairly well shot, you told the story well visually for the most part. Keep it up, I'd like to see more.
 
This is my first time seeing this one... Like they said, the acting is a bit off, only because the age.. but that being said...

The still shots used were a bit shaky... which is understandable working handheld. my suggestions is whenever you can, use a tripod... Handhelds only when you HAVE to..

When the female detective sits beside the lawyer to play "good cop" it was a bit strange how she just appeared beside him with one step and sit... you should put a shot of her walking to the couch.. its just distracting how she was over beside the cop, then you see the lawyer, pop, she is there..

The coming in the door scene was a bit strange for 2 reasons... one, you need to show an establishing shot of them finding the door open, maybe pulling their guns to investigate, we dont know whats going on, the door is open and they are coming in with guns... and two, although its too late to change now, but why are they using flashlights in the middle of the day, in a bright room.. i would understand if maybe you did that scene at night, but clearly they dont need them... or if you want to use them to search for forensics. have them pull it out later once they have entered and looked around. The second time at night it worked well...

Are the two police a couple? that kind of came out of no where, they are dating or something. Loved the transition between this scene and the next though.. very nice!

over all... good work... it was an interesting story
 
Hey let the guy who played the male detective know that he has some acting ability. :thumbsup:

Also, what kind of mic and sound setup did you use?
 
It was pretty awful, sorry, but someone had to say it.

Your main problems were the writing and acting. The story had no sense of logic to it, and you need to be a lot more subtle in revealing the plot rather than having sudden monologues and arguements.

As far as logic and common sense:
The girl detective wouldnt ask where the two are going when they're at the gate of the house (thats just retarded).

Like a poster said before the whole flashlight in a well lit room thing was laughable, and what was the point of that entire search anyhow?

Also mentioned before you casted this really badly, nobody would believe that guy was a lawyer, he didnt look old enough to drink. Same with the Detectives......ok every single person in this movie didnt fit their characters age.

I cant really remember a lot of it, because the pacing was way too fast at most plot points and was way to slow at random filler scenes.

The scene where they go over to catch the killer was.....bad. First, how did they know he was there? Also if you used "logic" one of the detectives would have gone around back (pretty basic stuff here). And when the killer went into the backyard, the audience has no bearing on the area itself, you need wider shots as well as establishing shots. There was no sense of position of the two besides, the killer looking one direction and the detective looking in several directions including the sky (remember he's supposed to be looking for an armed murderer, and he should know where he is IF THE GUY IS TALKING LOUD ENOUGH FOR HIM TO HEAR!) And when he takes the woman detective hostage he comes out behind the guy detective which really doesnt make sense. The whole standoff was quite lame (Im not going anywhere, if I were that killer Id have shot his ass, shot/fled with the hostage and called it a f'n day. But instead, he tells the other cop to go and stands there like a dink wanting to get shot, i.e. if you take a hostage, you dont have to expose your head to talk, it's not sign language.)

Again I'm sorry if Im coming off like an asshole, but I think this will help you more than these other posters stroking your balls and telling you your awesome.

There is a good side, everybodies first movie sucks. Learn from your mistakes, if you wanted to make a cop drama, watch the best cop shows example: The Wire arguably one of the best shows on telvision. The same should be said about any genre you do, watch the best in that genre, not only will it give you better instincts while writing and directing, but it will give you appreciation for the small details.

Don't ever stop learning.

One positive, that shot at the door from the killer's gun was decent.
 
for a short film this is way too long.
short films should be.... short and sweet
for the next projects spent more time on quality versus quantity
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top