short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

T

thejessicastar1

Active member
I just finished my first ever short film, shot with the dvx100. Take a look, please, and let me know what you all think. There wasn't any color correction done to it. Let me know if there's anyplace you think it might need it. I know there's a couple of hotspots in it.

go to: www.carlfordproductions.com

The link is about halfway down the page.
There is a wmv link and a quicktime link. The files are about 62 megs (I think the wmv might be larger) and it takes me about 5 mins. to download it on dsl/cable.
Like I said, it's my first attempt at short film and any feedback would be appreciated.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Hey, that was pretty funny, it made me laugh...kinda cheesy ending but appropriate at the same time. Some of the scenes ran long and the compression in the file had a lot of frame stuttering but, other than that, I really enjoyed it.

If that's your first effort, you have really good potential.

Good job.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I liked it too for a first work. My eyeballs are still ratteling around frone the frame stutter, Was it shot in 24p? I found that my stutter was reduced a lot in 24p if I used a frame rate of 23.98 and turned on a feature called force for playback scalability in sorenson 4. This from some of my long tedious web compression tests so far.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I definitely know that I haven't mastered compression yet. It was shot in 24p. I'll try what you suggested about the frame rate and work with it to get a better version up. Thanks for the comments so far. Disjecta, what scenes do you think ran long? I kind of felt that way, too while I was editing it, but I had spent so long watching it that I wasn't sure anymore if it was just me getting bored with my film or not. Please let me know if you have time so I can refine it.
Nathan
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I totally do that too. If I work on something for too long I start to mistrust my own sense of length. It helps me to just take a break for a day or even a few hours, and then watch it again.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Cute concept. Nicely done for a first time film maker. I think my greatest problem with it was the length. You'll find as you go about making more films that there's a difference between your original vision and what your final film ends up being after editing.

As a writer and director, it's often difficult to chop things you fall in love with in your original vision. But it's often important to take off the on set directors cap and writers hat and exchange it for the cold steely gaze of an editor.

Think of your raw footage as the building blocks of the story. The end result is what you design out of those building blocks. Right now, you've got an enormous brick house built on a really tiny lot (the brick house being your current cut and the tiny lot being the guts of the story you're trying to tell). Right now, this 14 minute film feels like it's 45 minutes in length. In all honesty, this film shouldn't be more than 7 minutes in length.

Try shaving off the unnecessary stuff to get to the core of the story you're trying to tell. Ask yourself: "What's the point of the story here?" To me, you want to get to the punch line of "whats your problem" sooner. I'll give you one quick suggestion of where to cut:

The opening scene of our main character at work was really unnecessary to the story because it wasn't about him being at home from work. It was about his relationship with his annoying room mate. You could have said the same thing to the audience without having the extra coverage in the office or the car (although I thought the car shot was the nicest in the film). In fact, you could start the film from when he wakes up before the alarm goes off and the audience wouldn't know the difference. There are others, but I don't have time to type here (sowwy :()

For your next film, I would try getting more coverage of your scenes so you can intercut and make it a bit more lively. That will cut down on the static feel of what you're trying to say. Look for the emotional beats of the film and cut it based on what you want your characters to emote to the audience.

Hope the suggestions help and I look forward to seeing more work from you.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Storyteller makes some really good points, just look at each shot and figure out "what is essential and what is excess" then just trim it off - recut it and then adjust as necessary - a very important concept for narrative filmmaknig is the Get in Get Out rule: get in as late as possible and get out as soon as you can - remember that for the rest of your life and you'll be making better and better films in no time!

keep it up
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Thank you all for your feedback. It's really helped me take an objective look at the film. I've tweaked some shots in the middle and toward the end of the film that ran unnecessarily long (like when he sets his computer up for work both in the dining room and in the bedroom; also, I've made the back and forth mowing shots quicker by fading them in over each other).

Specifically to Storyteller's comments...I've thought about what you said about the beginning and I agree that the office and car shots aren't both necessary, but if I took both of them out, don't you think it would de-emphasize the character's obsession with work, thus making his irritation at not being able to work kind of come from nowhere? I thought about ditching the car shot, but I can't yet justify ditching the office shots.

Someone also mentioned to me about re-shooting the "slice" shot b/c they felt that it wasn't clear enough what he was talking about (what his problem was). Any thoughts? I just don't want to be too obvious (ie..."slice -- you know, when you have a habit of hitting the golf ball and it curves to the right")

Once again, thanks for taking the time to check it out. Once I trim things up, I'll upload a new version (with better compression).
Nathan
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Hi there,
Sorry it took so long to respond. I've been in "compressing hell" over here with my short. Hope to have it posted soon, but the 22 minute film is going to be around 100MB in the end... ouch!

Anyway, to answer your question, yes, it would take away the character's obsession with work. But I don't feel like that's necessary to the core of the story you've presented here. From what I saw in your film, the core of your story is his "odd couple" relationship with his room mate. You barely touched on his obsession with work except in the beginning and as such, it's unnecessary and merely slows the pace down of your film.

If the story you were intending on telling was about this character's obsession with work, you should have written it so the room mate wasn't simply distracting him from his work with his normal behavior, but was going out of his way and interacting with him to distract him with the intent of showing him how obsessed he is with work. (ie. hey, you need to lighten up, live a little life, be more like me. Etc....) Since that's not what you have here in your footage (at least not to me), I say cut it out and go for the guts of the story you have presented here (odd-couple relationship).

Regarding the "slice" issue. I got what it meant, but I know what it means when you "slice" while playing golf. To me, the characters answer to the question: "what's your problem?" was him not even getting that the question had a larger scope beyond his hitting the golf ball into the window. So if that was your intent, I got it.

Also remember that different people are going to give you different opinions on what they see in your film. The test is to see if the majority of people get what you're saying in your story. If so, you've succeeded. If not, then the answer is usually spend more time in the writing and pre-production of your next flik. If it isn't clear on paper, odds are it won't be clear in the film.

Hope this helps :)
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I would say to keep the office and car scenes, they add a little more dimensionality to the story, by letting us know that he's obsessed with making it "more efficient", and not just someone who can't stop working in general.

But like everyone else said, the pacing in this is quite off. From here you need to do a good slice-n-dice, just like everyone else said. Too many scenes drag on too long, and it bores a viewer. Keep things tight, so that we don't lose interest.

Music was very nicely placed, and I really enjoyed most of the music you had.

And the "slice" thing was fine. I thought it was quite humorous. I guess if somebody doesn't know anything about golf, then it might go over, but for anyone who does get it, it's funny.

One thing I personally didn't like were the scenes in which the main character would get up from his desk/table and walk into some other kind of shot. You cut his head off in several different instances. I liked the fact that you had it handheld and backed up, but I don't think you backed up quite enough. I would of liked to be more with the character's full face while he was moving. It was just a little tacky looking when his head was dipping in and out of frame.

But the moral of all these posts...cut it down. 14 minutes is way too long for this. But I would say to keep the beginning like you have it. It's a great setup to the story, and starting in the bedroom would just be way too boring & "student-film". Keep the beginning like you have it, but cut down the middle. Alot.

Other than that, great film I thought for a first outing. Good luck on your future projects.
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Just watched it again, and you know what? Smier33 is right. The office scene does add more dimension (not to mention production value) to the film. There are lots of other places you could cut to shorten it (ie. when your obsessed character is looking in on his room mate sleeping, you hold on those shots for a very long time. It should go much quicker.)

However, looking at it purely from a story point of view, I still think the opening stuff could be cut. Bottom line is it's a choice and everyone is going to tell you something different. For my money, I still think that if you were trying to tell a story about someone obsessed with work, you should have written it more about that. Perhaps by having your character constantly calling people at the office or trying to get back into the office without the boss seeing him, rather than what you have here. I still think what you have here is an odd-couple relationship pic and I would edit to tell that story.

Just my opinion and just looking to be constructive. Get as many opinions as possible and see what most people think. It's a valuable learning tool (as I've found myself).

Cheers ;D
 
Re: short film -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Thanks for the feedback guys. I definitely think it's been constructive and has helped me look at it in other ways. I understand what Storyteller is saying about writing it differently were it to be about his obsession with work. To me, it was more about his anal retentiveness than just his office work, so I'm going to leave the opening shots in and cut scenes in the middle shorter. I've been getting feedback from different sources and of course, everybody had different ideas about what could be changed, but in the end, obviously, it's just up to what I feel like doing.

Smier, I went back and watched the scenes you were talking about and I agree with you. I didn't even realize at the time the way it cut him out during parts where one would want to see his face for a reaction. Good observation.

Thanks for everyone's input. It was a fun first endeavor. We'll see what's next.
Nathan
 
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