Short Film - Choices: The life of Herman Krautinskij

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Zoid

New member
Hello people, i would like to show you a short film made by some my videomakers friends, the Wallett's Productions. They are a very young cast, so they haven't so much experience, but trust me, maybe you're gonna like this thing. Please, feel free to write any comment, thank you.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlb3ePn3p9Y




The story is about a day in the life of a young man who can not make a choice my himself easily.

Title - Choices: The life of Herman Krautinskij
Year - 2009
Runtime - 10 min
Wallett's Productions
 
First off, you want to present yourself well, so fix the aspect ratio problem on YouTube.

The titling that comes up in small black print is obscured by the background and I can't really make it out.

You employed no perceivable lighting strategy, and it shows. Everything is flat and dull.

The music didn't really fit the piece at all, and it changed timing when the story didn't reflect the change.

Person waking up, looking at himself in reflection (or us looking at him in reflection) is pretty cliche', as is scratching one's ass when getting up.

Camera placement and focal length didn't seem to ever be considered.

Watching someone get up and start their day is trite, boring, and ineffective.
Lost me at 2:53. Sorry...
 
Snazzy Flapper said:
First off, you want to present yourself well, so fix the aspect ratio problem on YouTube.

The titling that comes up in small black print is obscured by the background and I can't really make it out.

You employed no perceivable lighting strategy, and it shows. Everything is flat and dull.

The music didn't really fit the piece at all, and it changed timing when the story didn't reflect the change.

Person waking up, looking at himself in reflection (or us looking at him in reflection) is pretty cliche', as is scratching one's ass when getting up.

Camera placement and focal length didn't seem to ever be considered.

Watching someone get up and start their day is trite, boring, and ineffective.
Lost me at 2:53. Sorry...
Click to expand...

Ok. Thanks for watching 2 minutes and 53 seconds, but the short movie is 9 minutes and 48 seconds long.
 
I agree, sorry. This thing is loooong and hard to watch. I skipped over ahead. The biggest issue by far is editing, and more specifically pacing. The movie could have easily been cut down to 2-3 minutes, maybe even more without losing anything. In fact it may have flowed much better.

Moments just took too long, you cut to 3-4 2 seconds shots to show one single action. It took way too long for him to decide to wear the black shirt, for example.

It was long and drawn out and there was no story really. Was he really having trouble deciding things? Maybe I skipped over them, but it wasn't enough story conflict to keep me glued.
 
Jon Starr said:
I agree, sorry. This thing is loooong and hard to watch. I skipped over ahead. The biggest issue by far is editing, and more specifically pacing. The movie could have easily been cut down to 2-3 minutes, maybe even more without losing anything. In fact it may have flowed much better.

Moments just took too long, you cut to 3-4 2 seconds shots to show one single action. It took way too long for him to decide to wear the black shirt, for example.

It was long and drawn out and there was no story really. Was he really having trouble deciding things? Maybe I skipped over them, but it wasn't enough story conflict to keep me glued.
Click to expand...

I think the story is very clear and it's low and long because is a crescendo for the final part. And yes he is really in trouble deciding things.

Anyway there are constructive critics so thanks for comment!
 
I don't think 'being a crescendo for the final part' is enough reason for it being long and slow. If you absolutely MUST MUST have it like that, and if you have it any other way it'll ruin the story, then do something to keep us engaged during those 9 minutes. Just my 2 cents.

Keep working at it. :)
 
I think what the other posters mean is, did you really need 40 seconds of him tossing in bed at the beginning? Keep in mind, 1 minute of screen time (generally) equals about 1 page of screenplay, so do you really think that waking up scene would be able to justify taking almost an entire page to write?

That being said, of course, that guideline is not an absolute, and there are certainly times when it can be broken, but thinking about it (even if you didn't write a screenplay) will help with the pacing of the film.

Personally, I didn't think the end justified the length. It could have used some trimming and fine tuning and could easily have been cut down to about 5 minutes. What I think didn't work most for me was on a screenplay level. The concept, story and characters could have used some reworking and may have given the conclusion more payoff.

Try not to take any of these criticisms as insulting. Opinions are subjective, but when it comes to filmmaking, you're working for the audience. Your film could be the next 2001 or Godfather, but if the audience can't sit through it, it won't be a success. Just take them, weigh them, consider them, use them, or throw them away. Be glad to be getting criticism, especially on this forum, because most of the people have been where you are, made the same mistakes, and are willing to share the wisdom they collected to help you out.

Good luck to you on all your future projects.
 
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