Short film "Birthday Suit"

good for you for making a film, always an achievement in itself, congrats. This joke or story has been around for awhile and its a cute idea for a short film. I like the premise.

Here are are a few ways to improve on this IMO:

The first scene the acting seemed a bit stiff as if they were reciting lines. The most important job as a director in my view is to try to get natural performances out of your cast, something we all are challenged with. It's tough with actors that are not professionals, but there are ways to get them more relaxed and natural. Try taking an acting class yourself to get and idea of the process. Your lead got better as it went on and in the V.O. (although there is no reason for the use of V.O. in this film and there are very limited reasons where it should be used in any film)

The other thing you might want to think about is the age appropriateness of your actors. Young filmmakers have a habit of putting their peers in their films regardless of the role. Do we believe that your lead has a corporate job with a secretary at his age? doubtful.

Technically, you can folley some of the sounds, answering machine etc. The actors didn't seem fully "present" in the way you recorded them. It had a camera mount mic feel to it all. I would work on the sound design in future projects, lots of great info and ideas in the audio section. There is an old saying, something like 70 percent of what you see is sound.

Story SPOILER: do we believe that the hot secretary is setting up the surprise party for a man where his girlfriend will be attending with lines like, "How bout this, you come over tonight, we will eat something have a little wine." The girlfriend would be okay with this? This is a plot hole in your story, so there would need to be more of a misunderstanding than the overt sexual flirtations of the secretary.

also, would the audience buy that he would take off his clothes two seconds after arriving at the secretaries place. There really need to be more misdirection to the audience at this moment for the payoff to work. (there is also interlacing in this scene for some reason).

Finally, if you are going to call your film Birthday Suit, have your actor get naked at the end. Wouldn't the joke have more impact as far as embarrassment if he was naked? you don't have to show the full monty, but at least have us believing he is naked with a wide shot and a strategically placed plant.

I did like your use of music in this. Also the basketball scene was a nice thought, having the randomness of him playing a guy in a wheel chair fills out the unique world of this character. It tells much more to the audience about this specific person than a V.O. does.

keep at it.
 
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bosindy said:
Technically, you can folley some of the sounds, answering machine etc. The actors didn't seem fully "present" in the way you recorded them. It had a camera mount mic feel to it all. I would work on the sound design in future projects, lots of great info and ideas in the audio section. There is an old saying, something like 70 percent of what you see is sound.
Click to expand...

Bless you, Jim, for saying that! The great thing about a movie like this is that all of the sounds can easily be recorded during the shoot. Phone grabs, basketball bounces, etc. Invest in a couple of external mics with adequate wind protection and that will help a lot. After the takes go through and just record some of these items specifically and it will helps to "flesh out" the movie. Also be sure to keep these files for future use!
 
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