Sci-Fi parody feature script "Vampire Chicks From Uranus" -- FOR SALE

D

David W. Richardson

Chapelgrove Films
It's a fun poke at the campy sci-fi movies of the 50's and 60's. And yes -- we pronounce it like "yer-ANUS". A fair number of butt jokes.

The story is about four beautiful women from the planet Uranus -- which is entirely populated by beautiful women -- who come to Earth in order to extract the 'essence' of Earth males so they can take it back with them and clone a race of males to serve as their slaves. Male 'essence' isn't what you think it is. (Shame on you!) In fact, it's never really said exactly what 'essence' is. But the leader of the 'vampire chicks' -- Commander Ze:ra -- uses a device called a Lobotomatron to immobilize a male specimen, and another device called the Sucklator to extract the 'essence'. (So they're only vampires figuratively, not literally.)

The chicks are Commander Ze:ra, Lt. Za:na, Ensign Zo:va and Cadet Zu:na. ("Why do you have those two dots in your name?" "Oh! On Uranus, everyone has a colon!") :-)

Because Uranus is further from the sun and shrouded by clouds ("Oh, I DO love the clouds around Uranus!"), it is much cooler there. So while they're here, the 'vampire chicks' must wear dark sunglasses and metallic bikinis. (Yes, it's the 'eye candy' factor!)

Also, the atmosphere of Uranus is mostly helium, so they had to have special implants implanted in order to be able to breathe our air. ("Why do they always have to implant it THERE?", rubbing her bottom gingerly.)

The chicks arrive on Earth in their spaceship, which is called The Gluteus. It is pinkish in color and has two large, round fuel tanks at the back. When viewed from the rear, it looks like a giant butt flying through space! (My aerospace engineer brother has drawn out the design of The Gluteus. The sketch is available.)

A bunch of Earth kids (teenagers) stumble upon the chicks and their diabolical plan, but they can't seem to convince the Sheriff or anyone else of the danger. So they turn to their favorite teacher -- a guy referred to only as 'The Professor'. (The Professor has an assistant named Mary Ann and a dog named Ginger.) The Professor teaches them about Uranus and, when the big showdown comes, helps the kids devise a plan. When the big fight scene comes, the kids flood the room with helium, which The Professor tells them will weaken the 'vampire chicks' (because of their breathing implants) and make them easier to beat. So in the fight scene everyone is grunting and yelling in VERY high-pitched voices. :-)

It's a fun ride! And can be done on a micro budget. I even wrote a Planetary Anthem of Uranus! (Lyrics available on request.)

"VAMPIRE CHICKS FROM URANUS!" -- Uranus Needs MEN!

If you're interested, send me a message and let's talk. :-)
 
Oh heck, may as well give you the lyrics for the Planetary Anthem of Uranus while I'm at it.

"Uranus, Uranus.
Oh how we love Uranus.
Travel far,
Go to any star
And Uranus is still near.

Uranus, Uranus.
Though leaving you will pain us,
We'll return,
For our hearts still burn
For Uranus!
Uranus is so dear!"
 
"For Sale" - there are already established venues and procedures for selling screenplays at all sorts of price points. Are you not using them? For that matter, whole departments at talent agencies exist precisely to sell screenplays. Perhaps the idea is that small indies or even individuals with film-making aspirations might be the target customers for this, but quite frankly, they already have a ton of options in the aforementioned established venues. The key question is of course - what screenplay... if it's good, you'll get established production companies interested, and with that interest, you can get any agent to rep you for that particular screenplay deal. Which seems to imply that the quality or desirability is not there for such conventional sales - at which point... you come across the indie dilemma.

Any script that is desirable enough will find eager buyers. Indie dreamers can't afford such scripts, so they generate their own (almost invariably atrocious quality). At least the advantage of generating your own is that you can tailor it to exactly the specifications of your situation, capabilities and assets... but here that is not the case, because the script is already written. So that advantage is out the window. Which leaves you with it being like any other (of a million) spec script.

There are of course scripts which are high or even very quality (perhaps yours is one), but which cannot find conventional production companies buyers, because they are very niche and hard to find a market for. But if so, why would an indie buyer get involved in one - it will be a lot work for a film that then cannot be monetized (which, of course, is the very reason producers are not buying it, duh).

You won't know where you stand, unless you try to sell it through traditional channels. If you haven't already done so, why not generate a list of all production companies that conceivably might be interested in a script with this profile (sci-fi parody), and send brief query emails (which cost nothing compared to snail mail) - the response will be telling, and probably at least a few will want to follow up with taking a look at the script and maybe even further. At least you will know what you have on your hands in terms of demand. Best of luck!
 
David Jimerson said:
This is . . . not your usual fare, David!
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That's true. But what is my 'usual fare'? I've written and produced a romantic ghost story and a suspense/drama/thriller. I've written under contract a zombie feature and a scifi feature. And am currently in development on a romantic comedy. I like to think I'm versatile. :-)
 
OldCorpse said:
You won't know where you stand, unless you try to sell it through traditional channels. If you haven't already done so, why not generate a list of all production companies that conceivably might be interested in a script with this profile (sci-fi parody), and send brief query emails (which cost nothing compared to snail mail) - the response will be telling, and probably at least a few will want to follow up with taking a look at the script and maybe even further. At least you will know what you have on your hands in terms of demand. Best of luck!
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All due respect, but I just thought someone here might like to do it. So shoot me.
 
??? Err, I wasn't blaming or criticizing?! I was suggesting a more systematic approach to marketing a screenplay, so I'm not sure what you're getting at...? I thought you were looking to sell. But - to - use your words - just trying to help, so shoot me. :(
 
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